A New Chapter

So, it is my first day at Pudica. So, I knew before I joined that it has government influence stamped all over it. So, I was informed there is a restructuring going on (why do I always join a new place while there's a reorganisation being done, I don't know. maybe next time I should make it one of my standard questions to ask during the interview).

Apparently the "old" people are so used to the "old" ways that the new concept seems foreign to them. I have not the nitty-gritty details, but suffice to say they are worried of their fully privatised days ahead. I was told that this is a good retirement haven, but I don't think I am going to treat it as such. So long as the piper keep on playing, I will always move around. *wink*.

Anyway, as first day goes, everything's cool. Although I have not yet my own workstation and laptop, or stationeries to play with, I am told that weeks ahead will be very busy for me. I don't think they have Toastmasters club here. Once I'm settled in, I am going to propose having a branch setup.

After half-a-day, this place feels like being in the uni. Almost everyone (read: Malay ladies) dressed the same, talk and walk the same. I found myself to be flown back in time where I used to be one of them. And oh my, it's just so easy to fall back to those old habits for majority is like that. I hope this time I will be stronger and won't lose my identity. Lucky for me, the job promises hours away from the office. He he he... I sound sooooo terrible.

The upside, is so far the manager I'm reporting to. Still early to tell but I liked her instantly during the interview. Apparently the feeling is mutual (he he he). She's very anxious for me to pick up the knowledge and I hope I won't disappoint her. Most of the new colleagues are amused to know that I used to work with Esabicks before. However they told me my communication won't be direct with them as Pudica works closely with the sub-con.

I kinda like the academia air that this place has. (Is that a calling to go back to school?) The library is awesome! I forsee myself spending time in there. Although I was a bit disappointed I couldn't find titles by Nora Roberts or Paolo Choelo. Ha ha ha... My spirit was also a bit dampen by the fact that I can only borrow a maximum of two books, unlike the permanies where they get to borrow six! But that's okay, I'll make do.

One thing that I need to get soon is an organiser. Can't afford a PDA yet, though it can be really handy, so I'll start the ol' skool way. So, one stop to make on my way back today is the bookstore. I'm thinking Kinokuniya, but that's just too far away, besides I have dinner engagement with NF and SS tonight. Girls' night out! Yeay!

So, will update again soon. Hopefully I will get my own machine by next week. Everyone is in holiday mood that they fail to be a bit more helpful today however friendly they are.

Before I pen off (or.. type off?) I pray to God that He blesses me with His wisdom and light on this new journey, yet another chapter of Jade's life. Ameen.

A Dose of Sex

Six actually... In one morning. Hah! That got your eyes popped out!

"There are a lot of gorgeous women out there in the city. But after a while, you just want someone who can make you laugh"
- Mr. Big, Sex and The City, 2nd Episode, 1st Season.

Auwww... so when can I find my very own Mr. Big? Do I have to wait until I am 30-something like Carrie and wait another six seasons for IT to actually happen? Wait, that means... I must bump into my Mr. Big (gasp!) approximately sometime next year!

I am a women of leisure as of today. For two days only. So, today, as usual, I woke up early in the morning, eventhough I was mentally alert and knowing that I have the whole day to laze around. I just can't. I don't believe it! I'm a creature of habit after all!

I got up from the bed, went to kitchen, soak my laundry, boil water and made my peanutbutter sandwiches. Not necessarily in that order. After 30 minute, I got bored, texted NF to let her know I was going to watch her DVD. She said I was hopeless, the weather was so conducive for sleeping and I couldn't sleep. I replied, "Yeah.. what a bugger.."

So I watched the first season of Sex and The City. The first six episodes. Writing about men, women and relationships are just so fun. I can understand why Carrie Bradshaw did it. You get to learn a lot of things, ones that you already knew, ones that you don't, ones that you don't want to know, etc. Maybe I should have a column of my own somewhere. How do I go about that?

Anyway, a romantic as I am, I believe that there is someone for everyone. It's only the "when" that makes you impatient. And the "who", of course. Duhh. I believe that God will give us one that suits us most, for who we are and who we can be. So, if my someone arrives a little late, it's okay. Because God is fair and He knows what's best for me. I should not worry so much, should I? Accepting that, why am I still feeling uneasy about it? Maybe because I'm just human after all.

I haven't been to New York. I do not know whether KL is anything close to NY. Although judging by the way KLites (duh.) living their lives, I could see some similarities here and there. (Our currency is still far behind though!) Anyway, my point is, being beautiful always has its advantage. Even here in KL. Society is obsessed about a certain standards that are considered as "beautiful".

People always say that intelligence is attractive, but how can you attract someone to talk to you and find that you're intelligent, when you are unable to attract them to talk to you in the first place just because you're not pretty? I tell you, it's a bummer. They say first impression is always important, but you're unlikely to make a good one if you're not at par with the standards. At least.

So, where does that leave ladies like me? Plain. Not beautiful by society's standards. But (ehem!) intelligent nontheless. People, men or women, however they say that beauty is secondary, are attracted to beautiful things. Hey, otherwise I won't be drooling after Mr. Brosnan, eh? BUT, it is a personal choice whether or not the person will give a chance to ordinary people, like moi, to show their attractive sides.

Then, and maybe then, I will find my own Mr. Big.

Blow A Kiss

They say love someone who loves you. Care for the one who cares for you. Give your heart to the one who loves you more than you love them.

But... is it enough?

That's the thing that bugs me. Because, there is no point stepping through that doorway if you'd come to regret it soon after. Or in the long run. I know life is about making choices and you deal with it whether the result is favourable or not. And it IS the biggest gamble, because nothing is for sure.

Love is but an illusion. But it is such a beautiful and warm illusion that you will never let it go. Until you have to. Am I being cynical? Or just untrusting?

An you know why? Because once, I cared for someone who professed to loved me. And once I loved one whom I genuinely love and whom loved me back. Both times ended with tears. So. You tell me. Am I being overly cautious?

It's just so difficult to trust again. And it pains me.

They also say love like you'll never get hurt. I say I'm not willing to chance my heart that way again.

Bad day at work, good day at home

I do not know what I want to write today. I'm feeling a not so nice feeling towards the place that I'm leaving, towards the alleged decision makers. I wonder how the place can survive looking at how business and partnership is done here. Although I'm on my way out, so to speak, I can't help feeling bad and embarassed. It's a reality that I have to face day in, day out whenever I go out to meet the customers.

How can a project manager tells customers that he has a lot of project to handle? How can a project manager gives the reason of lack of resources to his subordinates when asked to allocate at least another person for the project when the said subordinates are leaving? Isn't it a job for a project manager to manage what little resources he has amongst the projects that he acquired? Isn't it a part and parcel of being a project manager to manage multiple projects at the same time? Aren't project managers supposed to manage the timeline and customers and sigining off of user acceptance? Aren't account managers supposed to take care of the vendor-customer relationships besides meeting customers only to ask for payment?

Let me tell you something, there is no such thing as low priority customers. Because at the end of the day all customers are business referrals after all and their satisfaction is what determine whether or not you get a continued income. On top of new business prospects as well. I might not have experience being a project manager or account manager, but one thing that I can say for sure is if you fail making your customers happy, the effect is on you. Image is tarnished. Confidence, lost. Opportunities, missed.

I may not be earning 5 figures, or collecting 6 figures commission, but at least I can be proud that customers are happy working with me and they prefer to talk to me.

Customers concerns should be addressed not put aside just by telling "you don't have to think about that". They are customers after all, they will have questions, they would want to see whether your products meet their needs. And your job is to assure them and let them believe that you're there to make their lives easier and your products will be able to do that.

I am happy to leave this place, looking forward to the day putting the days I spent over here behind me. And to actually wait another week for it to happen feels like a chore. Which in the essence what it is anyway, but it's met with frowns instead of smiles. And smiling while doing my chores is very important to me.

Yes, I am having bad day at work. Worse because I have to postpone my joining the new place to next month. I was looking forward to open a new book next week, but since now it is not possible to leave early, I feel dejected. Looking at the bright side though, I will have about a week's holiday. Which is something I haven't had for so long. Doesn't matter if I lose a week's pay. Clear head is preferable at this moment. And being peaceful inside too.

SS is coming down from Penang next weekend. NF and I have no plans yet; even SS is only thinking of melebam at home only. So, we shall see. Good thing that I have but time in my hands after Wednesday. We are like sisters, the three of us, eversince we became housemates. Granted NF and I have been friends since we were thirteen and we met SS while studying in the uni. SS's leaving earlier this year to pursue new career up north made the place empty for she has always been the fire in our platonic ménage à trois. So, all three of us are looking forward for next weekend for our days in, days out, nights in and out too, I supposed.

On top of that, I might have to decide about the bus ride soon. So, help me God.

Satu lagi lagu best...

Cintamu
Dygta feat. Ira

Cintamu,
Yang kurasa walau tak terucap,
S'makin dalam
Cintamu,tlah terukir di batas cintaku,
Selamanya

Tak pernah kumencoba,
Lepaskan cintamu walau sesaat,
Sejujurnya diriku terlalu sayang padamu
Kuingin s'lalu dalam,
Cintamu

Dan tiada yang kan memisahkan,
Selamanya
Cintamu,
Yang terlimpas, terbias matamu
S'lama ini

Adakah di hatimu,
Terbesit satu harapan untukku
Tuk berjanji selamanya kan selalu milikku

Satu cinta,
Tak pernah kumencoba,
Lepaskan cintamu walau sesaat,
Sejujurnya diriku terlalu sayang padamu
Kuingin s'lalu dalam,
Cintamu...

Get on with it already!

Have you ever received an email that tells you a story of finding that special someone by depicting the scenario of getting on a bus? Where the person kept on waiting for a bus to arrive but never actually got onto one, for fear of missing a better one that would come after the one that had arrived? And sadly in the end, that bus never came.

I believe in fate and destiny. I believe in qada' and qadr. I believe that God has set me on this path to bring me closer to Him. I believe He loves me more than I can imagine. More than I ever show my love for Him. He gives me choices and I choose. He gives me opportunities and I take. He challenges my will and I face them. He loves me.

I know relationships are never smooth sailing. There will always be bumpy rides now and then, rough water to brave through. I am not delusional. I have my feet firm on the ground. I know humans err. I know perfection is only He and nothing else. I know ideals only exist in heavens. Put away those craps about "How to find your ideal partner" or "Is he/she the one?".

We were never meant to understand the opposite sex. That is part of the mystery that keeps you going and attracted. It's the question that drives you and it's the question that brings you together. To adapt from Morpheus's statement to Neo in The Matrix part one. We were meant to accept the differences and the mystery and just plain take care of each other and love one another. And procreate, of course.

So, why is it that fear comes into picture? Fear of getting hurt. Fear of being heartbroken, yet again. Fear is the enemy. It stops you from taking the next step. Fear of getting on this particular bus because you fear the next one will be better. Fear of the unknown. Aren't we supposed to leave the unknown to Him because He is the only one who knows everything?

Thus, do I continue on this road and just see how it goes and where it'll take me? Or should I take the exit and be on another path? Should I take this bus or wait for another to come? If it comes. Choices... choices... Decision.

I was told that to have a majestic love there should be tears, hurt, pain. Along with the laughter, happiness, pleasure I suppose. I know this and I accept this. I also know what I want and hope. And I also believe that God knows best for me. How do I know this is just a test? And how do I know accepting it is right or best for me? Aaaahhh... that is why there is istikharah. And they say they don't want Islam. Cehhh...

Anyway, I digress. So, I guess, I'll just stay on this road and see where it takes me. Maybe the bus will wait for me, eh? Coz, I really can't decide to get on it or not. At least, not yet. I have to conquer my fear.

Dah tengok CINTA?

Sebelum masuk panggung...

Dia tanya, "U tak nak beli tisu?"
Aku pun pandang dia dengan penuh tanda soklan kat muka. Dia pun kata, "orang kata citer ni boleh nangis..."
Aku tergelak sambil kata dengan eksyen nyer, "eleh... tak nangis.. u tengok la nanti kalu tak caya..."


Masa dalam panggung...

"iskk.. alamak... jangan nangis.. jangan nangis.. control Jade.. control..."
Lepas tu... dia genggam erat tangan aku.
"he he he... agaknyer mamat ni pun nangis kot... muahaha..." aku tergelak dalam hati.
Dan air mata aku mengalir...

Bila keluar panggung...
Dia senyum jer kat aku. Tak de pun cakap, "I told you so..."

-----------------------------------------------------------

So, itu semalam. Aku pergi nonton CINTA. Korang pun tau kan, aku sangat sangat jarang tengok filem buatan Malaysia. Bukan sebab sombong atau berlagak atau perasan, cuma aku muak disogok dengan jalan cerita yang tipikal. Cerita-cerita yang aku dah boleh agak apa akhirnya.

Mungkin aku boleh agak apa yang akan berlaku dalam CINTA, tapi kenapa aku masih lagi suka tengok? Mungkin sebab CINTA adalah cerita kau, cerita aku dan cerita mereka. Kau tak nak nangis, tapi kau tak terelak dari tersentuh. Kau tahu ia hanyalah filem, tapi kau masih mengiakan kebenarannya. Dan sebab itulah kau akan mengalirkan air mata.

Ada beberapa adegan di mana dialog pelakon sukar didengari. Sebab pelakon kekadang berbisik. Dan maaf, suara Jacyln Victor menyanyikan lagu Cinta terdengar seperti cengkerik yang begitu memekakkan. Mungkin dia punya taktik untuk mengawal alunan suaranya, tapi sungguh tidak sesuai pada aku untuk dia menyanyikan lagu syahdu seperti Cinta.

CINTA adalah cerita hidup aku, kau dan mereka. Ada suka, ada duka. Ada yang pasti, dan ada kejutan. CINTA buat kau berfikir adakah kau sedang menikmati segalanya yang dianugerah Tuhan padamu. Adakah kau menggunakan masa dengan optimum buat orang-orang yang kau sayang dan orang-orang yang sayangkan kau. CINTA buat kau bertanya samada kau sedang melepaskan sesuatu yang begitu berharga dalam mengejar ketidakpastian yang nyata. Maka CINTA akan membuat kau ketawa, sedih, mungkin mengalirkan air mata dalam diam, berhenti dan berfikir.

Perlu tonton? Kau tak akan mati atau sakit atau kecewa kalau kau tak pergi tengok. Tapi kalau kau mahu sessi apresiasi filem Malaysia, kau pergi la tengok. Kalau cerita ini hanya ditayangkan dekat Gold Class, aku masih pergi tengok. Tapi, kau tak perlu terima apa yang aku cakap, kau tak perlu percaya apa yang aku kata. Kau pergi la tengok.

Dalam kereta...
Dia kata, "I might be wrong, tapi kalau tak silap, they did not say "cinta" once dalam dialog."
Aku kata, "Hmm.. yer kot.. "Sayang" ada banyak kali."

Meow.

Nota kaki: Web dan ulasan filem.

Of Weton and Aries

Galing, I am a Jumat-Pahing kid.

You're a sweet talker with high ideals and a basically honest heart. So what if you're a bit of a spendthrift! You'll earn lots of points with well-wishers who want to see you succeed — even without having to wine and dine them. You seem like such a pushover, lots of folks would never guess how resolute (stubborn?) you can be — or how hot-tempered you get when you've had a bad day!

Although, I don't see myself as a push-over. I make a bad sales person. Ha ha ha... Stubborn, definitely. Wanting my way as I see fit, absolutely. However, I'm open for discussion of best practices and better way of doing things. And if there is, I will surely go for it. Spendthrift, oh yeaa... this is bad, bad, bad... I get quiet when I'm annoyed, because I know if I say what I want about how I feel, things will get worse. You might want to stay away from me when I had a bad day.. hehe.. I can be an ogre.

Azer, I'm not sure why you're turned on by Aries babes. Maybe the fact that they are careful with money? (sheeeshhh!! I sound as if I do this for living! haha...) Anyway, the Arians that I know, both male and female, are good at making/saving money. They can be hard-headed though and want things to be their way.

They can argue about a product that they want to buy, and be irritated with the manufacturer for not creating the product as they want it to be. I kid you not, I just had this similar discussion with an arian lady who wants to buy an MP3 player. She's ticked off because iPod doesn't have a radio and complained that whilts the other players have it, and iPod doesn't, it is more expensive compared to the others. I tried to tell her about product identity, but she doesn't agree. He he he...

Oh! When arians want to buy something, they will do an extensive survey of the choices of products. Brand, specifications, price, etc. They will do they comparison until the eyes bleed. They are careful with money to the point I think they are stingy. Kodokut tak hengat!! Sometimes, it's a good thing, sometimes, it's not.

Arians are attractive as much as they are argumentative. They always want to win. They give people choices to make decisions, but they will be majorly annoyed if the choice made is not similar to theirs. Arians and Aquarians make excellent combination. I should know, my dad is an arian and my mum an aquarian. He he he... My best friend is an Arian.

Another not so nice thing about arians is that they have difficulty in apologising, eventhough they know they are in the wrong. They don't like to be in the wrong and dislike being told that they are as well. Arians are easily annoyed. This may be due to the fact that they want everyone to see things as they do and do things as they do.

If anyone is a pushover, it's arian. They want their questions and confusions answered yesterday. Problem is, they rarely get the gist because they are so set in what they see. Thus, at times, it's a chore to explain things to arians. They will push and push and push until you can suffocate you just want to blow them up. LOL.

I personally feel arians need to take a break, be more laid back and open. Then, maybe they can enjoy a bit more. He he he...

Okay, that wraps up my take on Arians.

Let's talk TWINS!!

Gemini, symbolized by the Twins, is ruled by Mercury, Geminis are curious, intellectual, quick-witted, talkative, friendly, and have superb communication skills. They are clear thinkers and have a love of information, able to process many incoming ideas and concepts in their search for the truth. While Geminis are able to handle many tasks at the same time, they often lack depth – jack-of-all-trades, master of none.

This is taken from astrologychartsonline. Amongst the not so attractive traits are changeable and irresponsible. Like DNAS once mentioned, "how accountable is lalang?"

My experience with Geminis are limited to one, and that was not a good experience. Thus, this post will rely mostly on that unfortunate incident. My apologies to all Geminis if I sound all negative. Also, it will also based on a Gemini who is close to someone I am close to.

The Gemini that I knew was a sweet talker. His teeth was softer than his tounge (pardon the direct translation from Malay's proverb Lembut gigi dari lidah). He was moving too fast too soon. I was excited though, because he really seemed to mean what he said and I was all "Thank you God, he is what I hope for...". And since I'm here today without him, it's a proof that not everything that you hope for is good for you. Tada!

The affair was too soon started, too soon ended. The thing about this Gemini I knew, was that he said one thing today, and another thing the next. And the cut was so completely done, that I was left with my astonished "huh?!". And don't expect answers for your confusions, they will either skirt around the issue, make faces or just plain ignore it altogether. Sad, but true.

I found that Geminis will only explain themselves if they want to and if it benefits them. They do not want to be accountable. Geminis think they are hot stuff. As such, they feel they can do the choosing and you should wait in line for your turn (okay, this maybe the grudge talking, but nevertheles... I'll stand corrected if you can prove otherwise...). Confidence, is really high in this breed although over-flowing will be disastrous, especially to other people rather than the Gemini himself.

Gemini enjoys analysing. Every situation, every person, each experience. Which is actually an excellent mental sparring partner for an Aquarian such as yours truly.

I think, it might be that when their curiousity is sated, Gemini just lose interest on the subject. It's the twins effect. Although you might want to be more assertive when defining the twins concept as being able to see things from different point of views. Which is a good thing. But, again, it might bring you to this situation; "Although I love you, I cannot be with you...". Aaahhhh... does that answer your question? One twin wants it, but the other doesn't. I guess both twins have to be satisfied, then only then, a Gemini will be truly satisfied.

All is not lost though. If you're willing to be adventurous, not minding occasional bumps and bruises, you might just enjoy the ride. For moi, the Gemini in reference has already settled down with a significant other of choice.

NOTE: Initially the writer has decided against writing on Geminis for lack of subject matter. However, since the writer was personally requested to give her views, she finally relented. So, DNAS and Queen, let me know what you think.

I want.... but I can't...

I do! I do! I really do!

Some people say I should be persistent and consistent, because there is already a living proof that this works. Some say I should go for it and do something about it if I really want it.

Blimey. I don't know how.

A lady has to preserve her dignity, eh? And hem to the knees and cuffs to the elbows, is not exactly dignified and being elegant and poise, no? There must be another way!

But then I ask myself, do I really want it, or do I just think that I want it. Major difference there. I can't really say I want it with every fibril of my soul. Neither can I say I lose sleep or can't eat thinking about it. But I do think it'll be nice to have it and knowing it's there for me.

So.

Untouchable... that's what you are...
Untouchable... though near or far...
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more
Untouchable, in every way
And forevermore, (And forevermore)
That’s how you’ll stay, (That’s how you’ll stay)
That’s why darling its incredible
That someone so untouchable
Thinks that I am untouchable too...

(NOTE: Please sing along to Nat King Cole's Unforgettable..)

Muahahaha...And here I am wishing that miracles could happen. He he he...

Whatever you have in your mind - forget it;
Whatever you have in your hand - give it;
Whatever is to be your fate - face it!
--Abu Sa'id

Fry-day!!

Good Friday morning everyone!

Last Wednesday, I went "berjoyer" (Let DNAS explain this because she came out with the term) with DNAS, Alien and Queen. It was for Queen's impending birthday, the following day. Here's to Queen for another turn of the number. May another year means more success, more love, more money, more matured and more refined. And many, many mores for good things.

We met up at Fasta Pasta, Ikano for dinner. All three of them had the famous Scampi pasta. Queen and DNAS had the Aussie serving while Alien, on a diet pledge, had the Asian. Yours truly, had too much to eat for the whole day opted for a plate of Tiramisu. Which was really, really sinful.


The food was marvelous. I had Vienna Coffee with the cake. It was delicious. Alien tried the Peppermint Tea, but according to her it doesn't go with the pasta it left a weird taste. Queen had the well known carbonated drink, Coke and DNAS asked for a glass of warm water; which we'll find out later won't be enough...

Queen and Alien, while waiting for DNAS and I to arrive, had a shopping spree in IKEA. I didn't poke around, okay, maybe I did, just a little. Pots, pans, candle etc.

After a filling sitting in the restaurant (I should be getting commission from all these outlets that I mentioned in my blog, eh...?) we adjourned to The Curve for cuci mata session. We settled down at Starbucks, just next to the enourmous Christmas tree. Frankly there were nothing interesting to ogle at. BUT, the company was excellent, the conversation was lively.


Queen was kept interrupted with phone calls. Her "uhuh", "urm" and "okay", was done quietly. Sibuk jer tau! Ahh... the beauty if being in love... muahaha... DNAS, on the other hand, and expert in reverse-psychology. I shall not elaborate. Let what happened in The Curve stays in The Curve. He he he... Alien, what can I say. She's always been the cool one. And she's got a cool relationship too with whom we dub as one-in-a-million. Isn't that a blessing?

On another note, I had a very good night sleep last night thus my chirpy self today. I came back from the gym at nine, made a quick dinner, loiter in front of the TV for a while. I was in bed by 10pm. My beauty sleep was interrupted at midnight, a phone call to confirm tonight's rendezvous. I still don't know where we're going but I shall leave that to my escort for the evening.

While you're in the hopping session, why not drop by to My White Ribbon Campaign and have a tour? Then act on it. It's worth the time.

How's the floor today?

If you're amongst the regulars, you would've been to this Madame's cyber home. And if you've followed her harangue, you would know that she's the Goddess of Cleanliness. There is definitely nothing wrong with that. In fact I'm in total agreement one hundred and one percent!

So let me now tell you my story of attacking the floor and bontot kuali full force.

I inherit the obessesive for shiny kuek kuok (the sound u made when you draw a V on a just-washed plate) from my Mom. She taught me that toilets should be washed every day. Even if you're washing it without detergent, you have to ensure you do it everytime when you're in the shower. As a result, I'm obsessed to having clean toilets everyday, anywhere.

Her pots and pans are shiny. If you had every mirror in the house broken, you can be sure you'll find reflective entities in my mother's kitchen. So, you can still get your hair done and made the time for that date. No worries there. You can sleep in the kitchen. You just need a pillow and you're good to go to the Dream Land on the kitchen floor. There's no lingering smell of belacan or oil.

So I need my kitchen to be clean too. After every cooking session the floor has to be wiped at least. The stove has to be void of spilled oil or sprinkled chilli paste. Once I tried to scrub the wok to no avail. Apparently, as my mum put it, it's a cheap one, so the oil stained will not be so easily disposed. Since I was not the one who bought it, I could not spank myself for being stingy. Muahaha... These days I stick with the pan which is healthier too, as it require less oil.

I once thought to myself, if I have the means, I'll have wall-to-wall carpet for my house. But, further thoughts made me cringe inwardly with the idea. Reason? Imagine the particles that get accumulated in between. Scary stuff.

So, Kakak, I understand what you're going through day-in, day-out. The never-ending war with smudges, spots and spills. The quest for squeaky, shiny, reflective surface. I feel you, madame, I do.

The Butterfly

When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;
when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.
So long as mists envelop you, be still;
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists-- as it surely will.
Then act with courage. -- White Eagle

I had doubts. Now I don't. I had decided what I wanted to do. Then I was given another option. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but the option was tempting enough, it got me diverted. I had doubts. I had to weigh things, consider the options given in front of me. Freedom to choose. Both offered exciting experiences and potentially lucrative in the long run. I was in dilemma.

And then, I got to thinking. Maybe God threw this other option to see if I got diverted from my initial plan. If I move away from my dreams and probably my destiny. So, the mists cleared. And I knew then, which way to go. So, I've decided and I sincerely hope things will fall to place now. Should this be another challenge, an omen to prepare me for my true destiny, I shall embrace it with all I might and make the journey worthwhile.

A thought on rainy day.

Have u ever sit down quietly and reflect on how much God loves you? For instance, you might shed a tear yesterday, but He gives you good news today. Or your beloved goldfish died out of over-feeding but a turn of the head you'd see your bougainvillea blooming. Those small little things that make you remember and just love Him more?

It never cease to amaze me everytime.

Of Capris and Scorpions

I have a slight aversion towards the above. The signs, that is. How did this happened? Well, having people that I knew (and cared) about from both signs helped a lot. And when I said "people" I do mean, men specifically.

At the risk of being scolded/commented/complained/criticised for generalising, I am going to share my experience with both signs.

Let's start with the Capris. They are fickled-minded when it comes to relationships. They certainly do not know or not sure of what they really want. I believed it when they say they care (or love) BUT the moment you show them that you care for them more than they thought you do, they scat. Or they start to distance themselves. Maybe I've met the "wrong" Capris, but hey... if out of ten, eight is hopeless, you start to think that it's not you, it's them. At a glance, they want to have it all. Mayhaps they do. And they want it their way. Oh... they are not big at declaring their feelings either and what exactly they have in mind or what they want. Probably because they don't really understand their feelings and need at the first place.

To their credits though, they can be very loyal. Loving. Attentive. They have fashion-sense too. Probably that fact made me easily attracted to them. Most of the time they are easy on the eyes (I kinda like this statement eversince I was at the receiving end.. cheewaahh.. but we're not talking about moi today). And it stops there. They are after all, excellent cavalier heartbreakers. If I used that term correctly...

The Scorpions. Aaahhh... these are the true breeds of Mr. Know-It-All. They always think they are "Da Man", much to other people's annoyance. When they show their true colours, they are one self-centered lot. They are good at disguises. Why I say so? In the beginning of a relationship, they are attentive, caring, cater to your every whims. The moment they know you're within the perimeter, you're only moments away from the violent sting. If getting involved with a Capri is a rollercoaster ride, with the poisonous Scorpions, it's a ride in the typhoon. It's bound to be painful. More so when you get too attached and find it difficult to let go. Ooohhh.. they are vain too.

On the good side... well... they can go out of their way to make you happy. And they are very quick at complimenting too. Mulut manis. Although they are masters at critising as well. Scorpions are pretty much black and white. They are extreme in everything they do. There is no moderation for these men. Nada.

You must think that I'm bitter. No, I'm not. It's just that, at times, I felt I wasted too much energy and effort for the wrong people and I wonder what is left for The One. I hope he'll accept me for who I am. Maybe somewhere in me, there is still a lot to give. Heck. I know there is. I'm just keeping it to myself at the moment. So, if I'm being non-chalant or seem to have devil-may-care mask plastered on my face, don't get discourage. He he he...

Having said all the above, I don't show the door to the new Capris and Scorpions that I meet these days. Be it as it may, I am after all not a judgemental person (yeahh... keep telling yourself that Jade). Seriously. Well... at least, I do my best not to be. Always give people the benefits of the doubt. And always, always think good things about people that you meet and see. Because, too many a times, we always try to find faults in others that the wonderful side of them are lost to us.

Ohh... maybe I should talk a bit about Geminis. You know how Gemini is ego and alter-ego? The twins? Let me tell you... it is so very the true. He he he...

Meow.

They say...

Ahhh... a new layout. I like it because it fills up the whole area. But I don't know why Firefox seems to display it a tad different from IE. When I have the time, I shall look into tweaking the settings.

Anyways. I was pestered by the lovely Queen to update. The fact that I do not have anything in mind to write about or interesting coup to share or out of this world event to tell leaves me leaning at the block. Then, I received the below in the email. It said the email has to be shared with other people and to leave my inbox within six minutes or else an unpleasant surprise would be bestowed upon me. Not that I'm superstitious, but I thought it's good to share the bits with my scarce readers...

They say, these came from Anthony Robbins' organisation. They say, it has circled the world ten times. They say, it'll bring good luck if you share it with other people.

So, here goes...

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Thursday's Babble

I've always known I'm not really good at wearing heels. I prefer flats. I always get them stucked either in the cracks of the pavement, or the metal cover of the manhole, or in the soft mound of the soil. You name it, I'm sure I've stucked 'em heels in before... It's not like I'm wearing three-inches or stilettoes... They are rectangular in shape and about one inch. Maybe one an a half.

Not too long ago, I was walking beside one of the most gorgeous sexy man I've known who resembled this guy (I kid you not), I fell down smacked on my cushion because my heels were stucked in between the decorative pavement. One moment I was chatting and walking confidently beside him, the next he was walking alone. I wished the earth would open up and swallowed me whole. He said with a shake of the head and low chuckle, "Jade, only you..." and being the gentleman he was, he sort of scooped me up. Auuwwwwww...

Last week I was enjoying the day out with him when I sort of missed my step and had to stop walking abruptly. To which I was at the receiving end of, "You really can't walk in heels, can you?" Adoiiiiiiii... Malu okay... To exaggerate, I felt my feminity was being questioned. On the same day, with the same guy, during the same outing, I sort of stumbled a little while going up the escalator. Don't ask me how.

I think I'm a natural clutz. I used to be quite clumsy in my younger years. But I've grown up. I am far more graceful now. He he he... But these little moments that happened that could not be helped... I just don't know. Is there a possiblity that a circuit somewhere in my grey area is telling me something? Now, if it happens once in a long while, people would think it's cute. Or funny. But if it's repetitive, it's just soooooo annoying, isn't it?

Anyway, yeah... that's me. So.

Now, last night, I had a nightmare. I dreamt that I was getting fat and did not realise it. My friends were too kind to point it out until I realised it myself. And the moment that happened, I got fatter every minute. It worsen until I could actually hold parts of my bulging face and pull at it! It was so scary I tell you. Now, before you start saying that this has something to do psychologically, I tell you, no. I know I am not fat, I'm just urrm... well endowed. Muahahaha... But I tell you, when I woke up, I uttered thanks to God that it was just a dream...

Swing here and there and everywhere...

Moody. Temperemental. Mood swing. Saturrine. Sour. Glum. Sullen.

These are dangerous situation for anyone. In times like this, refrain from talking, making decisions, making friends, being with friends, being with loved ones, or anything that requires human interaction. Stay away from high calory, high cholestrol food, alcoholic beverages.

It's best to opt to hibernate in this period of time.

Since none of the above is feasible, at least not for longer times, we have to improvise.

Read a book. Watch a comedy. Listen to music, soothing or otherwise. Cook. Plant a new shrub for the garden. Go shopping. Go window-shopping. Do a make-over. Get your hair done; cut, restyle, coloured, permed. Rearrange the bedroom. Rearrange the hall. Wash the toilet. Mop the floor. Decorate the kitchen. Write a poem. Recite one out loud. Sing your hearts out. Hug Mom and tell her "I love you". Hug Dad and say the same. Bash your brother's head with a dull object.

Okay, I shall stop there.

The point is, do anything that take your mind off the source of your moodiness. One surefire way of achieveing this is... BLOGGING.

I wish something magical will happen tonight...

Heaven and Earth

They were all smartly dressed. The men with batik shirts and the women with colourful baju kurungs, complete with head scarves. They were outside the courtroom, protesting for the man they supported. They were venting out their frustration because of the sentence befelled their leader. They called themselves Muslims and they were blaspheming. They were 100% convinced that heaven is in their hands and they were standing tall with their prophet. The man they were supporting was their messenger. The messenger for the Malays and whoever understands his mother tongue.

The scene I described did happen. And it was aired in one of th investigative series in our local channels. It was really laughable to see how sure and confident these people were on the imposter. It was sad and heart-wrenching to know how wrong they were. It was really scary because it happened not far away from my hometown.

There are several more similar different incidents all over our beloved country. And not counting the Muslims who turned their backs from Islam and embraced other teachings. And what are our officials being doing all these times? Barging into a chalet of a golden couple, accused them of zina and khalwat. Despite the obvious, the officials did not want to believe that the couple was non-Muslim. Or they held up people strolling in the park or just enjoying the scenery while sitting on chequered spread on the grass, saying that these people were involved in obscenities. While I might incline to agree in certain aspects, there are lots more to be done than accusing a woman who dresses up in a certain way is encouraging rape onto her.

Set your priorities rigt, I say. There's more to aqidah than your narrow perception. Study the old ways and adapt accordingly to the current situation. Aim to encourage people to do good, to attract them to the otherworldly beauties and promises instead of making them feel enclosed and trapped, worse make them hate and run the opposite way. Show them that we are of love and peace. Not patriarchal and condescending. Exhibit the fact that with us men and women are equal and all those feminism moves are in fact not applicable, because we already put our women in the highest pedestal. Remember about heaven being under our mothers' feet and how we have to put our mothers three times before our fathers? If you want the masses to follow the Sunnah, expand more than just that bit where the men are allowed to marry up to four women. Find out why it is allowed and the responsibilities and complications that comes with it. Understand this, with great power comes great responsibilities (now... where did I heard that before?).

I rest my case. Love and peace, sisters and brothers.

Not yet extinct!

Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality; they are also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination.
-- Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

Well.. well... what do you know... It's been a week since first Syawal. Dah buat puasa nam blom? And thank the heavens, it's ever blue sky again! It has been since last week, but I've been basking in the pleasant air and blues and greens, I just want to drown in it.

How has it been so far for you? I underwent a little change on Wednesday. Nothing life changing just probably a pleasant physical upgrade. He he he... "Masuk locker kunci sendiri". To anyone who is not familiar with the phrase, it's equivalent to "masuk bakul angkat sendiri".

I still feel sore in places and I know a massage session is long overdue. Maybe I'd splurge a little for that two hours get away in Hartamas. Just need to find a time for it. I've got a good news to share, but will only reveal it when it is confirmed black and white.

You know the feeling when you want to share your joy and secrets and tears and what little excitement with one someone? I had that feeling for quite sometime, but alas, the lack of that one someone made me feel a little sorry for myself. BUT, the ability to borrow that feeling even for just a short while seems worth it. Sounds pathetic, but a girl has got to do what a girl's got to do, eh? It's what we call improvising!

It feels really good when someone tells you that one feels happy just being with you. But the sweetness of it tore a little piece of your fragile heart when you're not sure if you are willing to prolong it. Huwaaa... DNAS is right. I AM bloody complicated! Whatever la eh... You live once only.

For today just let me swim in my own fantasy and enjoy it while it lasts!

Ola...

Welcome back to work everyone!! I hope the long holiday has refreshed everyone to work the remaining two months of this year! Wonderful isn't it? It's going to be 2007 soon!

Anyway, I have some pictures of food... Some taken before Ramadhan ended. Due to it, I did not upload them earlier. So, here goes...

Spaghetti Marinara @ KLCC

Sandwich @ KLCC

Häagen-Dazs Flower Bouquet

...which became this half an hour later....


This was during one of the breakfast outing I had just before Eid. Oh.. there were only two of us. So we shared the Bouquet between us. I think we looked like a couple of children while devouring the ice cream.

Now... for Eid, please visit my fotopages here.

Sorry, I suddenly feel lazy to upload the pictures here. Blame it on the holiday mood. Blame it on the tortoise-like connection speed... Blame it on sudden mood change. Hmm...

Until the next entry babes and dudes, take care and have a lovely day.

Today's song

Can't help it. Feeling so mushy mushy when I listen to this...

Dealova
- Dewa 19 -

Aku ingin menjadi mimpi indah dalam tidurmu
Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang mungkin bisa kau rindu
Kerana langkah merapuh tanpa dirimu
Oh kerana hati telah letih

Aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yang selalu kau bisa sentuh
Aku ingin tahu bahawa ku selalu memuja mu
Tanpamu sepinya waktu merantai hati
Oh bayangmu seakan akan

Kau seperti nyanyian dalam hatiku
Yang memanggil rinduku padamu
Seperti udara yang ku hela kau selalu ada

Hanya dirimu yang bisa membuatku tenang
Tanpa dirimu aku merasa hilang
Dan sepi
Dan sepi

No.. No.. I have NOT just discovered that our neighbours have beautiful songs in stock. Enjoy la eh...

Yesterday and tomorrow

Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.
Lawrence Bloc

Does Lady Sunshine here looks like me? That's what Alien said. Oh.. I forgot most of you won't be able to verify this statement because you haven't met yours truly. My bad.

The makan-makan session went very, very well. And yeay! I managed not to blab any taboos!

I arrived almost the same time with Queen and partner. Actually, when I saw that parking spot, I also saw Queen's car. He he he... Sorry la Queen.. aku buat2 bodo plak.. muahaha... Did not want to disturb the love birds...


Anyway, most of the campers arrived after our, errr... MY second plate of food. Jue arrived with her entourage quite fashionably. Why, you asked? Don't have an answer for that. Just was. Her eldest daughter is a shy, shy flower. She spent most of the time there with her head bent. The baby, now, she's a sight. So cute I want to pinch her cheek every time and poke her button nose always.


Alien arrived a bit later after that. Now, her daughter is so cute and friendly. She has rosy cheeks too! And none of them seemed to look tanned after the get away in Brazil. Or probably I haven't seen them for so long I forgot. DNAS arrived almost half an hour after that with her clan. She has two boys. You might already see them in her blog. Or is it BLIG? Muahahahihi... A joke, well... codename really, that I was slow to catch up.


Guest449 arrived with her new hubby (still consider new ke? dah several months dah kan?) glowing and smile plastered on her face. Wedded bliss seems to do her good.


The girls later, after plates of food, and while drinking teh tarik grouped together in the middle of the table to what else but chit chatting. The men, bless them, were busy mending the kids, and the only one without a kid, had a smile on his face looking at the antics. Oh, in the middle of those, Guest449's other half suddenly disappear. Actually, it's right after she moved her seating position. He he he...


Now, Jue asked me the million dollar question. "Eh, Jade, pakcik mana?" I guess she missed my entry yesterday requesting none of them to ask such question. :-p

Oh, by the way, the food in Penang Village was... quite nice actually. Nothing outstanding, but nice. I ate a little of everything. Now, the night ended with Alien's daughter's bleeding chin. She fell down while playing with DNAS's boys. So kesian, I tell you. She kept on telling people, "akit ni.. akit ni.."

All in all, it was really, really good to see all of them again. And I had smile plastered on my face all the way back.

The festive day is coming. I do not have a long holiday, but I shall treat the whole week as if I do. I'm coming back to work on Thursday. (Cue to say "kesiaaaaan Jade...")

Eid Mubarak.
Maaf Zahir Batin.

Happy Diwali.

Happy Holidays.

Drive safe everyone, be alert. Don't go with the rush hour, if you can.

Almost weekend... I can do it!

My horoscope for today...

When was the last time you really took the time to realize how important the people in your life are to you? Do it today. As soon as you can this morning, make some social plans with the friends you enjoy the most. More time has gone by than you may realize, and sharing your latest life developments with someone who can really appreciate the changes you're going through would do you good. Taking stock of the blessings in your life is a great way to stay positive.

Yes! I know! That is why this evening I'm meeting my lovely friends from the old company to catch up. Although it's a bit scary since everyone of them is bringing their other half and I'm going alone. But hey, bila lagi nak jadi tumpuan orang ramai, yer tak? Now, girls, play nice. And please refrain from asking when am I going to have a boyfriend. Unless of course you have someone waiting in line for me to evaluate. *wink*

Truth is, it's better for me to keep my mouth shut this evening. I might just put my feet in my mouth. Because they told me few ground rules for today, like not to mention certain names or certain past time activities during the meet. Man! That's going to be really hard for me! I'm so scared I will accidentally poke the hornet's nest. Muahahahihi... I'm hopeful I won't. It's pretty hard to keep your superhero identities eh, girls?

Anyway, Queen told me that she will "berpatah arang berkerat rotan" with me should I not come today. She said she will never ever tell me for anymore meets. So ruthless and brutal. So final. So... frightening! He he he... The thing is, I have to brave the evening traffic towards TTDI. Blurgh!! I hate driving! In heavy traffic, that is. I'm going to be so rich, driving is an option. *applause*

I AM counting my blessings.

Lagu hari ini...

Ketika ini saya sedang melebam lagu Irwansyah. Ala... soundtrack Heart ittiew. Maka di sini saya share lah dia punyer lirik eh...

Irwansyah
My Heart (feat. Acha Septriasa)

Disini kau dan aku
terbiasa bersama
menjalani kasih sayang
bahagia kudenganmu

pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita

bila kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

if u love somebody
could we be this strong
i will fight to win
our love will conquer all
wouldn’t risk my love
even just one night
our love will stay in my heart
my heart

Macam budak-budak ek saya nih? He he he... ala... bila lagi nak in touch dengan the kid in me, betul tak? The last hour nih saya dah dengar tak kurang 5 kali. hehe... Saya tak tengok lagi cerita My Heart nih. Tengok trailer dia macam cerita budak-budak la pun. Ada macam Ada Apa Dengan Cinta ke? Lebih kurang sama ek?

Anyway, selamat melayan hati dan perasaan masing-masing. Selamat melayari perhubungan dengan orang yang tersayang. They say love conquers all. I'm not so sure about that, but hey, if it does, it does, eh...

Don't ask me why I've been too mushy mushy these past week. Some of my close friends might be a bit bored with me already. He he he... I don't know why I feel mushy mushy. Mayhaps something mushy mushy might happen in the near future? And the universe is conspiring to make it happen for me? (Sat, nak repeat balik lagu My Heart nih... muahahahihihi...)

I kinda freak out knowing things that happening around me. Things happening to my friends, acquaintances and family members. Gives me goose bumps tak hengat punyer. I wish I don't know all these stories, so as to stay positive and optimistic. But, this is life, eh?

Anyway, I believe that what happened, happens because you will it to happen. Bak kata orang kalau tak da pokok masakan angin bergoyang. Eh.. wait.. that is not right. Kalau tak der angin masakan pokok bergoyang. Aaahh... and it takes two to tango. So pandai-pandai la kau labuuuu...

So, saper nak jadi Jade punyer My Heart nih...? hehehe... cheap publicity plak...

Masak-masak Lagi

Asam Pedas

Bahan2:
Bawang besar
Bawang putih
Belacan
Cili boh/Cili giling
Air asam jawa
Daun kesum
Ikan tenggiri/Ikan kembung/Ikan pari
Garam

Kaedah:
1. Tumbuk bawang besar, bawang putih and belacan together. Gaul with cili boh/cili giling. Cili ikut suka nak banyak mana, nak pedas, letak lebih.
2. Panaskan minyak, and tumis the mixture. Time ni bau sangat lah mahsyuk nyer. Biar sampai garing2.
3. Bubuh la garam secukup rasa. Masukkan daun kesum.
4. Masukkan ikan.
5. Then masukkan air asam. Kalau nak pekat pun ok. Lagi best.
6. Maka siaplah lauk asam pedas.

PS: Boleh jugak kalau nak letah tomato buah atau pun bendi (okra/lady's finger)

Ayam Masak Kicap

Bahan2:
Ayam
Bawang besar
Bawang putih
Halia
Cili hijau
Kicap
Air asam jawa
Tomato buah
Kentang
Lada Hitam (tumbuk or coarsely grind)

Kaedah:

1. Potong kentang ikut sukahati. Some people like it cubic, some like it macam fries McD, some like it chips-like. Goreng garing. Put aside.
2. Next, goreng ayam. A bit of tumeric powder and salt to taste. Put aside.
3. While waiting for the gorengan to finish, slice the onion, garlic and ginger. Cili Hijau tuh, hiris kasar, menyerong, about one inch. Cut the tomato to cubes. Not too small.
4. Lepas tuh, tumis la bawang-bawangan and halia. Biar sampai bau baik punyer.
5. Now, lada hitam or black pepper is optional. Boleh letak after bawang. So that dia garing and the taste is stronger later.
6. Next, put in the soy sauce. Since masak kicap kan, so tuang la banyak2.
7. Agak2 kicap tuh dah garing, masukkan ayam and cili hijau. Gaul. And then tuang air asam. Now, the volume of this is really up to you. You want more gravy, put more lah. Let it simmer for a while.
8. Put in tomato buah and kentang. Stir a bit. Jangan lama-lama sbb tak nak the tomato and kentang too soft. But some people like it that way.. so, again, ikut sukahati lah... Oh for garnishing... you can slice more onion and stir together
9. So, walla! Ayam masak kicap.

PS: ayam boleh diganti dengan daging. so, dia akan jadi black pepper beef lah. beshhh!!! but replace air asam with tomato sauce. so, the gravy is thicker. put a little water only.

Sambal Tumis Sotong/Udang

Atas permintaan Queen, I give you the recipe for Sambal Tumis.

Bahan-bahan
Bawang besar (sebiji, kalau guna bawang merah, pandai2 ler sukat)
Bawang putih (lagi banyak lagi best)
Cili boh
Sotong/Udang & Petai
Garam
Gula
Kicap manis
Asam jawa

Kaedahnya...
1. Panaskan minyak. Bila dah agak2 berasap tuh, masuk kan bawang putih. Make sure la tumbuk dulu kan. Biar sampai golden, then masuk kat bawang besar pulak. Bawang besar ni tumbuk halus. Pastu biar sampai garing.
2. Then, masukkan cili boh/cili giling atau cili kering yang telah dibasahkan dan diblender sepedas rasa. Nak letak cili api kasi kick pun bley jugak. Biar sampai dia garing. Jangan lupa bubuh garam.
3. Now, choose either nak bubuh gula or kicap. Nak letak dua-dua pun okay. Bubuh gula satu sudu besar. And then tuang kicap, nak kasi tukar kaler. And actually rasa dia pun ada sikit lain nanti. Jangan banyak sangat, nanti dah masak kicap pulak.
4. Lepas tu, masuk kan sotong/udang and petai. Biar dia mesra gitu. Ehehe...
5. Then masukkan air asam jawa. buat pekat-pekat best sket.
6. Finally, hiris bawang besar summore, bulat2 . Terpulang la nak letak sebiji or half only, depending pada sotong/udang. Then masukkan dalam sambal tadi. Gaullah bersungguh-sungguh.

So, dah siap la ko punyer sambal tumis, Queen. Selamat mencoba ini malam.

Memories....

A browse through email folders brought me to a specific folder I created several years back. And checking the emails inside it brings back memories. I couldn't say for sure if it's bitter or sweet. But if I remember correctly, when the first emails were exchanged, it was also the first time I started blogging.

I was given hope. My cold heart was warmed again. I dared to take the plunge. But alas, another sad story written in the book. It happened so fast, and it happened furiously. The sweet part, the fear, the laughter, the tears. I had to knock my head several times just to wake up. But I kept going back, what happened that didn't allow it to happen? I never got the answer. The connection was severed before I knew it.

They say things happened for reasons. I used to loathe this statement. But these days I accept it. For without these unwanted situations, we cannot learn. We cannot put value. We fail to appreciate. At certain point of time we have to stop asking "Why?". Because there might not be an answer. Because it might be just another lesson. Accepting that you cannot change a lot of things go a long way. As long as it's within your control, you can continue dissecting the situation.

"Mudahnya kau mengganti-ganti rindu, seolah cintaku tak berharga..."

Because it happened during Ramadhan, that Syawal I cried. And I cried harder when I heard this song by Aishah. :-)

Anyway, that was years ago. I had never thought about it anymore. But because Yahoo! Mail has changed its look and feel, I was brought back to the memories. Thus, the melancholy.

Morning pondering

It doesn't take a lot of effort to turn on your indicator when you're making a turn. Or stopping. Or changing lanes. Or over-taking. Basically anything to do with the movement of your car that interrupts the current flow. The indicator lever is placed near the steering wheel for a reason. Such as to assist you to use it without too much trouble.

So bloody well use it already!

How do you feel when another driver suddenly pulled into the traffic in front of you? One moment the car was stationary, the next it's squeezing in front of you. You're not a mind reader. You had to slam on the brake to avoid collision. Or imagine you're driving in the middle lane. All of a sudden a motorist from the right lane switched lanes in front of you to squeeze in last minute into that exit on the left. I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say. I'm sure you know the feeling.

Please use the indicator lights. It helps the rest of us to know where you're going. What your intentions are. And please turn it on about 10 seconds before you do the next action, don't use it two seconds before you make that turn. It's dangerous darling. I, for one, cannot read your mind. I might have that telepathic ability, but so far it has not been used, as such it's not much help.

I cannot breathe!!

Let's talk about the haze today. I know everyone dah letih cakap pasal haze nih, but I tak kira, I nak cerita gak.

Every morning I wake up, I will go to my bedroom window and selak langsir. In hope today I will breathe fresh morning air. Tapi kan, dah seminggu harapan tinggal harapan. Hampa.

My house tak der la tinggi. Tapi tinggi la jugak kiranya. Normally when we're watching the TV our sliding door would be wide opened. Tapi la ni, dah seminggu tak buka sliding door. Sebab kalau buka nanti haze masuk rumah. Yesterday as soon as I stepped inside the house, I automatically went to the sliding door. But decided against opening it and settle for air freshener instead. I feel so suffocated. I sleep with my windows open, at my place or back at my parents'. So, not being able to do so really cripples me.

Please la pihak-pihak yang berwajib, DO SOMETHING IMMEDIATELY. This has been going for YEARS! Berapa lama lagi kita nak bersabar bernafas dalam asap? There must be something that can be done. Betul tak? Mustahil we cannot do anything. There is such thing as a limit to being neighbourly. You won't keep quiet if your next door neighbour throw their smelly rubbish into your backyard, would you?

Two and a half cents

You know this one email about true love, where a guy was so nervous on his first date, he asked for salt instead of sugar for his coffee. The conversation started and they ended up getting married. The wife prepared the husband's coffee always with salt instead of sugar. Only when the husband died, she found out the truth.

The ending part of this email is what prompted me to write this post. I'm going to share it with you.

Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of
how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."

Basically what it says, it's worth the wait. Do not settle. And that brings me to this other email that I received long time ago.

IF A MAN WANTS YOU

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT.............


But sometimes love just work mysteriously. And when you don't have two steady feet, that's when you stumble. We are adults. We can think. Love is much more than just finding that special someone. It's to find someone to grow old with. Someone to have conversation with. Because at the end of the day, when beauty fades, when bones bent, when there are only two of you at the balcony of your massive bungalow, laughter and meaningful talks are what matters.

So if anyone say I'm choosy, yeah, I am!

Another clueless crayon!

I hate feeling disappointed. More so when anger creeps in as well. And not to mention feeling humiliated and stupid. I hate feeling stupid.

Hate is such a strong word. I know. But at this moment, I'm not sure I'm capable of feeling anything else with what just happened. I especially loathe liars. Too bad I started to trust and feeling proud for the person. But I guess, no one can be trusted these days. They just end up disappointing you more.

I think I've had enough of this crap. I'm sure playing the field for fun is much safer. No emotional attachment whatsoever. And since you know where you stand from the beginning there is no heartache. But then again, how long can a person be this way? Besides, it's not healthy, isn't it? Ha ha ha.. I don't know anymore. I'm void of feelings now. Which is, a good thing, I guess.

I know I said I hate just a little while ago. But after few laughter with my soul sis, a call to my Momma, I feel better. Life is not so bad after all. And people like the person who made me feel bad about msyself and life are just not worth a dime of my time. And these people, they come and go, for reasons that I do not want to explore. Seriously wasting time. Anyway, there must be hikmah why God put them in my path, so yeah, I hear You!

Look, it's bad enough you're not being honest to me. You're not fully honest with the other person as well. So, I suggest you make up your bloody mind and be done with it. You're not a kid in high school. You're supposed to be matured enough with all that had came your way. But hey, who am I to stop you from doing what you feel like doing. Maybe it's right for you, but by God it's not fair for everyone else. I'm cool. Just, lose my number.

So, write that off already. On a brighter note. I went for a job interview yesterday. Seemed promising. No more programming. Yeay!! Oh, the lady manager asked me one question that made me laughed heartily. "I'm just curious about one thing. You seem to be very smart and intelligent. But why is your tertiary results... were you dating at that time?" Ha ha ha... Still laughing even now when I think about it.

I guess, life makes you smarter if you choose to. But the fact remains. I hate exams. I hate being asked how much I remember instead of how much I understand. Huh! Hate lagik. Not good.

So, henceforth I shall refrain from using that verb. Not good. Especially in such beautiful, peaceful month, eh? Oh... I used some vulgar words when telling off the person this morning. For that, I apologise. I'm usually controlled, but it just pierced me when people lie. :-)

Have a great weekend lovely people. God bless!

UPDATE: still feeling pis*ed. some people just leaves mark better than others. especially when the person has a little soft spot in your heart. Anyway... to quote Pink. You and Your Hand, dude.

"I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life..."

Truth is, I don't forgive easily. And I don't forget. You've got nothing to lose for messing with me, just another angry female across your burnt bridges. What ticks me most is that, I care too much for the people who are close to me. I care. But the fact remains, I am insignificant in their lives. Life has got to be better than this. Friends should worth more. Gosh! Am I bitter!

Anyway, I'm meeting some old friends later. Soul sis included. Meaning I'll be seeing those cute muppets of hers! Will take pictures but, won't post it here. If you know my Friendster account, you'll find it there. Yes, I broke my cardinal rule a couple of days ago. Posting my picture on the cyberworld.