February 12, 2005

I want to shut all reality
Until there is only you and me

If I can actually do that, shut the reality, I would. But it's just another romantic notion. We put boundaries to ourselves, to protect ourselves. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be rules. It's just the mass acceptance and the social etiquette that's bugging me. And I'm not trying to imply that we should throw all cautions and manners out of the window. I just feel that we should be more open and flexible.

Being loved is easy. It's the loving that is difficult.

It's difficult to love without hoping so much more than just stolen moments and weekend escapades. But if it means happiness even just for a moment, why shouldn't we grab it? Even if the future seems hazy and uncertain why should we deny the pleasure of feeling wanted and needed... and loved? Conscience intrude every now and then. We said not to think too much about it, but it is easier said than done.

There is no such thing as loving someone too much.

Someone said that to me once, not too long ago. And that phrase stick to me until now. I'm yet to ask what it means. For all these times, I thought that loving someone too much means we are being vulnerable. Leaving ourselves open to being hurt to deepest cut, or loved to the highest state of ecstasy. However much I tell myself that I'm jaded and cynical, I know I will always be that foolish little girl hoping for happy ending ever after.

Be mine.

Two words. Spoken when the head is heady with romance, we doubt the sincerity. Uttered in a clear day, we doubt the strength. Is it enough to think only for tonight and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes? Is it possible to think of that one person just before the eyes close to go to sleep, and right after they open the next morning? Wouldn't it be wonderful to wake up in the morning with the scent of fresh coffee brewing, and going down to the kitchen seeing the breakfast is half way in the making? Is it possible to wake up in the morning with smile pasted on the face, with the heart warming knowing it's another beautiful day ahead? With him.

Dreams are fragments of imagination.

I dream a lot. Maybe too much. And maybe, I'm asking for so many things. Unrealistic. Maybe I'm too wraped up in the ideal world that I create in my dreams, I hope I will have it in reality. Which constantly bring me back to my first two lines in this entry. Why then should I shut out the reality? Maybe because my dreams have no place in this realm. And it shall forever remain as such. Dreams.

I love you. I cannot say it out loud. I fear you will turn away from it. I fear I will run away after I say it. If things are so simple, and it means nothing it should be really easy for us to walk away after. But time has proven it's not. If there is more to this than just a kiss, I would take my chances and brave the morning after. For I have found what I've been searching for all my life, and I don't want to let it go without a fight.

But then reality kicks in... I know how I feel. But I'm not too sure how you feel. Care to shed a light?