August 31, 2006

The Rain

She stood in front of the piece, admiring it. She touched the surface, feeling the softness and the hardness of the paint. The blue and black and white meshed together, with violent swirls and soft curls.

This is the rain, she whispered to herself. She closed her eyes and tried to feel the emotions behind the art. She smiled. Her fingers followed the flow. Sometimes smooth, sometimes not.

"What do you think?"

The voice from behind made her whirled around, startled. The owner of the baritone voice was smiling down on her. Questions swimming in the lovely brown eyes. Soulful. Mysterious at times. But the softness of the almond shaped eyes stops there for the face was sharp. Very angular.

"I was admiring this," she said turning back to the painting. "It's the rain. There's sadness and there's kindness. Because it can destroy and it can nurture."

She closed her eyes again, fingers of her right hand touching the surface again.

"This is where the kindness is...," she said when her fingers moved on the smooth, soft paint. "Here it nurtures. Brings the life. Smiles on children's faces when the twirl around in the rain. While this," her voice changed as her fingers touched the hard jagged paint, "this is sorrow. It's when the rain becomes aggressive. It destroys. How can something so beautiful be ugly when there's abundance of it? How can one thing has different effects?"

She went quiet a while. Eyes opened now staring at the colours that can be coolingly cozy and gloomy at the same time. A sudden thought came to her. And she quickly turned back to him and excitedly exclaimed, "It's humane! Just like us! Our behaviours are not the same all the time. We... change, we adapt. Emotional being. If rain is a living thing, it's emotional too... Right?"

He had been staring at the back of her head since she started to describe his art to him. He had been astonished when her thoughts mirrored his when he was attacking the canvas. He was still staring at her when she was looking at him with her eyes and face flushed with discovery. The life and energy that he saw shining from her eyes, from her smile, from her whole face made her look like a goddess described in old Roman mythologies.

"No one has ever described what I've done so perfectly. Do you believe in kindred soul? Would you believe me if I said you're mine?" He couldn't masked his awe. At that precise moment he just didn't care if he sounded like a fool. But when he looked at her surprised face he felt as if a bucket full of ice had been poured over his head. "I've got to go". He turned his back on her and walked away.

She was still standing there with one armed raised half way, and forefinger pointing up. She was doing that when she made her discovery to him. Now her mouth was the letter O. She just watched him walked out from the gallery, wondering what just happened.

August 28, 2006

They've downsized the milky-way!

PLUTO is no longer a planet based on the new rules and regulations setup by a group of humans who call themselves scientists and astronomers. Pluto has been demoted to dwarf planets. Pluto, as Mike Brown, a planetary scientiss (duhh), said, is dead. DEAD.

Read all about it here... Pluto not a Planet.

Hmm... when I was in school, one of the characteristics of a planet was that it has to have a satellite, or moon as we know it, orbiting around it. And Pluto has one. It is called Charon.

So, one less planet for the school kids to remember.


Sleeping Dictionary

This is a 2003 DVD movie. Apparently it won four awards in its heyday. It's set in Sarawak. A story of a young colonial officer who came to work in the midst of Sarawak jungle with the Ibans. He was given a local woman to be his "sleeping dictionary". Her tasks were to teach him the language and the habits of the tribe. They fell in love. Forbidden by the tribe and by the office.

I watched this movie last night. What I want to know is, did the practice of giving a local woman to a colonial officer really happened those days?

Jessica Alba. That's the reason why I wanted to watch it.

August 25, 2006

Relationship of gratitude

I guess our society has grown so much. We have became more liberal. We are more open-minded than before. Why do I say so? Well... just look at the coverage and well wishers for the recent wedding of the year. Because at the end of the day she's just another woman who got involved with an older man and he is just another man who go for a younger woman. On the other side there's the widow travelling overseas, with broken heart, I suppose, and a little boy who had his dreams burnt to ashes. Surely, it can be traumatising for as young as an eight year old.

Anyway, is gratitude enough to sustain a relationship?

This question arose in my mind when a dear friend that I consulted for a certain matter of the heart told me that she is not THAT happy, she is just grateful. Because she said reality is harsh and it's just a matter of making the decision, right or wrong, and making the best of it.

So, I wonder, is gratitude enough to build a relationship? I would want to be head over heels in love with my other half and he feels as strong for me, maybe stronger. I would want to be delirious happy and can say out loud, "Look world, this is the man who really loves me", and proud saying so.

Naive? Childish? Maybe. But, I am all for happy every afters. Even with the occasional hardships or tears, there can still be happy ever afters. I know, because I can just look at my parents to know it's true. Or remember my late grandparents. Someone told me before that these days relationships are not as they were in the old days. It's not so long ago, and I still believe the same values are there.

The thing is we can only assume what will happen in the future with the decision we make today. And nothing is for sure. And it's not all about luck or fate or as the Malays always say, "dah takdir, dah rezeki, doakanlah kebahagiaan dia/kami". Come on. How can you build happiness with tears from other people? I don't believe that. It might be a fairytale wedding, but will it be a fairytale marriage?

We know, God has spoken, that He would not change the future of the people if the people themselves do not try to change the future. So. It's not all about fate and takdir and destiny. Yes, our course of life has been ordained. But it changes accordingly with the choices that we make. The people we hurt or the charity that we gave. God said that every Muslim will go to heaven, but how they arrive there would be different. Some will have the easier way some will burn in hell first. And this happen because of the choices they make during their lifetime.

Anyway, I digressed. I always do that, don't I? He he he...

I don't want a relationship based on gratitude. It will make both parties to be obligated to unspoken agreement. It might meant crying silently, alone. It might meant living a facade with a fake smile plastered on the face. It might mean not living the life that little girl wished for years and years back. Life can be sad and hard, only if we choose it to be.

I am not against polygamy. But neither am I a woman who shares willingly. I doubt there are many women who are willing to share. But they conscented because they have to. Because it would make the husband happier. And what is a wife if not to live and makes her husband happy, isn't it? Whether or not the husband makes the wife happy in return is not a question to be asked. That is the reality of life and society that we live in, people. Sad, but true.

So, my mum said to me the other day, "Jangan ambil suami orang...".

August 24, 2006

On 31st August

Before Merdeka Celebration
  1. There is no flag around!! Put up your flags! Be proud to be Malaysian! Get into the spirit!
  2. Advertisements with "Malaysia Boleh!" captions.
  3. Advertisements with "Malaysia Boleh!" shouts/statements.
  4. Historians are interviewed.
  5. Unsung heroes are interviewed.
  6. Old people saying how younger generations do not value independence.
  7. Citizens coming out with their very own definitions of Merdeka.
  8. Ministers/Politicians/Religious leaders reminding people that we're not fully Merdeka. Because our minds are still colonised.
  9. Activists with their own agendas, relating recent or past incidents to say that we're not yet Merdeka.
  10. People making fun of the "Malaysia Boleh!" (although this goes on throughout the year).

After Merdeka Celebration
  1. Flags are everywhere. Especially on the ground. Especially the tiny ones with plastic holders.
  2. Newspapers reporting on how youths spent their Merdeka celebration.
  3. Newspapers report on rubbish strewn around in the aftermath.
  4. Pictures of people who went celebration toasting each other. With alcoholic drinks.
  5. Reports on Mat Rempit and Minah Rempit and on how their celebration went.
  6. A certain opposition party uses the reports and pictures to streghten their points.
  7. Ministers/politicians/religious leaders reminding the citizens that we should preserve our culture and values in celebrating joyous moments.
  8. Disturbing emails/pictures/reports with "Malaysia Boleh!" captions.
  9. Activists with their own agendas, relating most recent activity showing that we are still not free.
  10. People making fun of the "Malaysia Boleh!"

Whatever it might or might not be on merdeka celebration this year, I wish everyone a joyous one. Let's reminisce the hardship (this is also a standard campaign before merdeka celebration) of our forefathers and how throughout the differences in background, culture and religion they stuck together and brought us today. Let's be thankful that even with our shortcomings and crappy organisation, we are not like Indonesia, nor are we starving like certain African countries or at war like the Middle East countries or a big fat liar like certain Western countries. We're peaceful, lovable people. We are Malaysians. And proud to be one.


August 21, 2006

Jiwang sket...

Dan mungkin juga kerana apabila kau menoleh ke arahku, aku berpaling ke arah lain. Bukan kerana melarikan diri. Hanya kerana tumpuanku pada perkara remeh yang berlaku di sekelilingku. Munkin kerana tusukan matamu tidak terterjah ke anak mataku maka hati-hati kita tidak bertaut. Maka kau masih di sana. Dan aku masih di sini. Masing-masing tertanya-tanya. Mungkin hampir semua mimpi-mimpimu sudah menjadi kenyataan melainkan bertemu aku. Tapi masih banyak lagi igauanku yang belum aku langsungkan maka mungkin kerana itu palinganku selalu saja tidak menentang tenunganmu. Maka masa menjadi mistik. Dan cinta ditolak ke belakang sementelah belum ada keperluan. Maka kau menapak pergi dan aku masih menanti. Atau mungkin aku yang melangkah dan kau yang statik? Kau hanya menanti akan hari aku akan berhenti berlari dan kemudian mengukur langkah ke arahmu. Kau sudah lama menanti. Tapi aku dalam penantian masih berlari dan kau disisif menunggu aku berhenti di sampingmu lantas menggenggam erat tanganmu. Dan apabila itu menjadi realiti, kau tak akan biarkan aku berlari sendiri lagi. Dan kau katakan, tidak perlu berlari, mari saja kita melangkah perlahan dan nikmati kurnia Ilahi.

August 20, 2006


"Last week, Mak Long ada baca pasal this one spa place. Can't remember where... They have mandi bunga... Macam depa cakap la... ikhtiar..."

"Ustaz pesan, kalau kita nak something tu, tiap kali lima waktu doa. Everytime. Doa sungguh-sungguh. Nanti Tuhan pun dengar, hai tiap kali mintak tu ja, Aku bagi jer lah..."

"Ni nanti aunty bagi this ayat, depa kata baguih... Cepatkan jodoh, insyaAllah..."

Another cousin getting engaged in a month time. Male cousin. Younger male cousin. So.
He he he... Seriously, at times, it gets too hillarious, aku layan ajer laaa... My old method seems not working anymore. The method where when an aunty starts to ask when is my turn and I replied by asking her to look one for me. To which she would say, alahai, kat mana nak cari? And I will smile my most guileless smile... Have to find a fresh one...

Look, I really have nothing against marriage. If I could, I will get married this instance. Hishh... Letih tau! I don't feel pressured by all the matrimonies around me. Seems like other people is. I know when the time comes, it'll come. When it happens, it will. However far you run, you'll end up where you belong.

Okay. Sorry. Just letting out some steam. He he he... Tak marah pun. Letih je...

August 17, 2006

A penny for your thoughts..

When an engagement did not work out as planned, it is embarassingly dissapointing that one should feel dejected, when the other person is not even one's other half thus eliminating any obligation to be fulfilled to make one happy. If one feels sad about it, it's one's own fault for knitting a web of illusions around oneself. One should not blame the other person for feeling like a nincompoop after all has been said and done. One should move on.

Thus, learning from this past mistake, I have learnt not to expect much from a promise made by another person. Especially when it comes to the matters of the heart. You know how ladies like to interpret men's words into their own leisure and advantages when what the men meant was just what they said? And if they didn't call when they said they will, that's just part of their nature and ladies should just move on because it's just not worth the time spent waiting for the phone to go ring ring. And if men decided to disappear without a trace after several dates they are actually trying still to be the nice guys that they are by not telling the ladies to the face that they, the ladies, are just not The One, when after several outing the ladies have actually started to plan the white picket fences, the family cat/dog, the barbeque set and the 2.3 kids.

You see, for most ladies, dating one man at a time is just part of genetic make up. It's just not done to go string dating. It's not proper. People will talk. Parents will have attacks of migraines. Neigbours will start to whisper. And labelling will start.

But the fact that putting hopes and dreams to one date, in these days, this millenium, is just not the most intelligent thing to do, makes it difficult for a one-man woman to go out and meet the right guy. Because there is no telling if the first person they meet is The One.

Having said that, I am not naive to assume that all women avoid string dating. Most, like yours truly, slowly adapt to the current wave and live on. It is a painful process. You know you like the person very much and you could actually see that white picket fences because you're just compatible but you also know that it might not happen. So.

So, feelings are kept at bay, in the initial part of the evolution, it's an act. The feelings are already there, but you have to pretend that you're casual about the whole thing. In time however, it becomes second nature. And this is where the trouble starts to loom.

Because, this is when you start to meet emotional guys. Ironic, isn't it? It's like the tables are turned, and now then men are seeing the picket fences. By this time, the women feel that the men are too clingy for their tastes. Hillarious. Sad. But true.

I might be too dramatic in describing the situation. But it happens. I've seen it.

Anyway, like I said, there's no point to wait by the phone and putting life on hold just for that one phone call that might not ever come. Good men are scarce, so if that phone call does not happen within 24 hours, don't feel bad about yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. The sparks are just not there. And move on to pick the diamond amongst the broken glasses. If your date suddenly disappear after a couple of outing, move on, he's not worth you chasing him. Remember the rule, if a man really likes a woman, he'll chase you.

Right, it's hard to swallow your own presrcibed medicine most of the time. But you know it's worth it. So live life full. Ces't la vie!

August 15, 2006

Job Needed!

Position: Technical Consultant, IT Consultant, Systems Analyst
Travel: Plenty of it!
Skills: SQL, Database, C, JAVA
Additional Skills: Excellent Presentation Skills, Communication and negotiation skills to impress and lure and assure clients, Technical documentation
Personality: Outgoing, optimistic, team player, resourceful, adaptable
Knowledge: Accounting, Billing, External Billing, Loan processing, Procurement
Willing to: work long ridiculous hours in return of huge sum of monthly salary plus allowances and annual bonus (contractual and peformance) - yes call me materialistic but money IS important and you cannot deny that.
Salary: Negotiable - hey, I not stupid, ok
Weaknesses: Requires challenge and variety to be continuously interested, can be complaining a little bit too much, a worrywart.
Aim: To be one of the decision makers, and you won't regret it.

So, anything, anyone?

August 13, 2006

A cuppa

"Would you like to come up for a cup of coffee?"

"Come on in, I get you a drink."

Okay, when did this innocent invitation became a reason to do something else? I never knew that when I say this, the man is thinking of something else. Call me naive or stupid, or a tease for that matter, I don't care. But if I say either of the above to you, it's not a green light to be hanky panky.

Idiot. Just idiotic.

So I tease. So what? It is not a signal that I'm willing to get down and dirty with you. Sheesh! If I wear something that you think as an invitation to grope as you may please, you'd be mistaken.

And you've got the guts to say women are the root of evil! Aren't men supposed to be stronger and wiser and all that shoot. Why when it comes to socialising women are the cause? What? A man can't think beyond what's between their... ehem.. legs?

Just idiotic.

And to think that we have come so far. But our male counterparts are actually still in the old homestead. Sad.

Okay, do not mistake this post as men-bashing. No. Far from it. I'm just trying to get pass the idiotic grey line.

Let's look at this from another angle.

Women flaunt their... ehem... assets, because they feel good about themselves. This does not necessarily mean they have to wear sheer clothing or bust revealing. They could be wearing head scarves for that matter, but men will still leer. Right? So, women who feel good about themselves, confident, will want to show off their best qualities. But, I don't think it ever cross their mind to make an open invitation for men to take advantage on the situation. Far from it.

It's nice to know that the opposite sex is looking at you. But sadly, apparently, it's not their eyes that are doing the looking. Duhh...

And I've digressed too much. I only meant to talk about coffee. And I make a good one too. And I don't mean the 3-in-1 satchets.

August 8, 2006

Just want you to know...

This has got to be one of the best Malay songs ever written. And I just found out who wrote the lyrics. I told her I still cannot get over the fact that she did it. And that I may have to blog about it and then I'll be okay. But maybe not. Because everytime I listen to the song, I will remember and be astounded again. He he he... exaggerate a bit.

Nope. No one has ever dedicated this song to me. No one ever sung it to me. It's not special in that way. It's special because, somehow, the song has an English touch but it's written in Malay. What I mean is that the way it's written. Ceehh... Now I sound like a critic. I can't really explain why I like the song. Maybe the fact that it's straight forward, simple, but undeniably beautifully written. Ha! Amik kau...

Anyway, the song that I'm referring to is this:

Keabadian Cinta

Selembut bicara
Sehalus sentuhanmu
Layangan pesonamu

Tak mungkin ku lupa
Jelingan pertama
Nan indah penuh makna

Akan kusahut cintamu itu
Bersama kita menuju bahagia

Takkan lagiku sendiri
Kasih yang berlabuh kini
Terasa keabadian cinta kau beri
Mungkinkah daku bermimpi
Sebahagia begini
Ini bukan (nya) ilusi
Oh kasih

Seindah irama
Gemersik suaramu
Mengalun sepiku yang merindu

Tuhan merestui
Bahagia begini
Kasihmu nan suci

I was listening to my CD this morning and this song came out. And I wondered who wrote the lyrics because everytime I listen to it, I'm mesmerised. Aahh.. finally, the word. Yes, that's it. I'm always mesmerised by the words, the music. They just blend well.

And then, not an hour ago, I read a comment on her blog and I found out that she wrote it! I'm sure everyone else knows about it already except for yours truly. The fact that I'm slow and blur all the time has long been established.

Anyway, if there's one Malay song that I want to be played at my wedding, it would be Keabadian Cinta. Eternal Love. So, kudos for this lovely lady, and also for Mr Azlan Abu Hassan.

I guess, you've got to be really in love to write this piece. And you've found your own cinta abadi.

Haa... bukan senang aku nak puji lagu Melayu, ok... :-p

Let it rain

I breathe better today. The air was really clogged with dust yesterday. It's the hazy season again. It is so sad that it has becoming an annual event. Every year in August. It's frustrating. I just want the blue sky and the clean air back. Everyday, I pray for a little rain so that the ashes are washed away and the after-scent is breatheable.

Can you smell the rain before the sky goes dark? Before the thunder rumbles? Before the lightning cracks the sky? Before the first falling drops? Lovely scent isn't it?

August 4, 2006

Today is Friday

If looks could really kill, I'd be a mass murderer by now...

You know how sometimes, you just don't have the energy to argue, and all you are left with is the stare-them-to-death option?

Today I want to write something educational. I've been using this particular tool for quite some time. It's very good and useful. It's call WordWeb. It's an instant dictionary + thesaurus. You can download the free version from the website. With 140,000 root words, I think for most of us, it's sufficient. Highlight a word in the document you're reading, and then click on the icon in the system tray. The definition of the word, along with its synonyms will pop out. As simple as that.

He he he... Nope, I don't get any commission for this particular software snippet. I just thought of sharing something good with everyone. Besides, it might help you in preparing that report or just for blogging. Easiest way to impress your reader is to have your writing a bit colourful. Just don't overdo it, okay.

Right, now that my social service for the day is done, I do not have anything else to say. Which is just as well. You're spared of my babbling. At least for today.

August 3, 2006

Let's eat!

I felt like eating fish yesterday. And I felt like cooking. So, I emailed my housemate.

"I feel like cooking tonight. Am going to try poached salmon. So, if you're willing to sacrifice your tastebud, you're more than welcomed."

Right after I sent that email, a friend IMed me asking me out to dinner. Not wanting to be rude, I invited him over for dinner. Heck, I asked him to help me do grocery shopping! So, we set to meet up at 6:30 at Kampung Bangsar.

After slaving in the kitchen for just a little more than an hour, this is the result. Note: Pictures are a bit blurry because the cook was so excited.

Poaching process.

Walla! The final outcome.

We had white buns with olive oil and vinegar for starters. And then I made a simple salad for the side dish, mixed leaves with grated cheddar, dashes of olive oil and black pepper. No salt. :-p

The poached salmon recipe, I got it from here. Though I improvised a lot. I did not make the puree. Just the salmon with the sauce. The salmon was a bit overdone because I accidentally left it a little too long, and I couldn't stop the poaching liquid from bubbling. Other than that, it was a success! Me so proud of meself. I'm sure professional chefs would cry seeing the result of my experiment. Ha ha ha...

The meal ended with a mug of cafe mocca for everyone. Next, I might try to cook dory.

August 2, 2006

Date @ Tupai Tupai 1/8/2006


"I'm in the penguin suit." So said the SMS.

I was already sitted at the table beside the man-made waterfall in the restaurant. The place was already packed with people out for lunch. I thought walking from my office would take about 10 minutes, but I made the walk less than five. But seriously, the pavement in KL is not made for walking. And it's really hillarious watching other people's reactions to your walking.


Burrpp... That was how it felt after. Actually... I had room for more, but I know I shouldn't. He he he... Kak Mas did not admit that I could eat a lot. She said we'll have to arrange for dinner outing for her to say that. A bit unfair, but I took the challenge. We shall have that dinner Kak Mas, and you shall admit voluntarily.

Kak Intan, as you can see, I've been fed and stuffed. Maybe when we do the next session you'd be joining us!

Kak Mas is a lively character. She's bubbly and cute and wise. I learnt a lot. Seriously. Not being dramatic, but talking to her, even if it only for a couple of hours, seemed to lift a heavy weight of my head. It's easy to see that we do talk the same language and our brain wave are more or less the same. A little different because she's wiser. He he he...

I don't think she noticed that while she was talking, I was busy munching, chewing, swallowing while nodding to everything that she said. I actually had to stop myself from forking yet another toufoo into my plate, put down my fork and look at her intently. And then she asked, "ehh.. I la yang kene habiskan soup nih?" Boleh ke macam tuh?

It was a fun, informative and filling lunch. We had to break it because I received a call from my colleague, her car broke down. I would've love to stay longer and exchange gossips and listen to Kak Mas. We were busy taking the pictures of the food, we forgot to take pictures of us together. Never mind, there will be next time. Always.