I never get the things that I want when I want them. I wished to be married at the age of 27, but I only do it at 31. I wanted to have a man by my side who understands me and accepts me for who I am when I was in a terrible relationship at 24, but only found him five years later (eventually marrying him!). I have been looking for a mentor for my professional growth the past 8 years of working (out of 10), still have not found the person. I have switched jobs six times in ten years, and yet to settle comfortably in one that feeds my intellectual and professional needs.
So, it's suffice to say, I don't get things easily.
My parents, although they love me, they never really understand why am I so different from them. Why I have this passionate needs and one track mind when it comes to living my life the way I wanted. I believe that I truly make them happy whenever I got good results in school and when I finally gotten engaged AND married. And most recently, when I have a bun in the oven. They never really understand their daughter but few years back, they have, I believe, finally accepted that I'm different.
I value my independence. I value my thoughts. The only time I let myself be cuckolded and oppressed was about ten years ago in that terrible relationship. After that, I honestly stop taking crap from people, be it from personal life or professional life. And maybe because of that, I never really get close to people as I did before. Learnt my lesson, and all I wanted to do was to take care of myself.
Having said that, I was and still am fortunate to meet pure souls in the form of friends. And these people I intend to keep close. Taking craps from them once in a while, is acceptable to me, for I'm sure I do the same to them now and then. But because these are, we are, truly friends, we correct each other, we support each other no matter what. It's like being siblings.
Funny thing about true friends, even if we're out of contact for some time, just because present life gets the most of us, we continue to pick up things from where we left of easily. I have three good friends, that have been with me since we were thirteen years old. That's almost twenty years of friendship. Each of us have our own lives and other circle of friends that we keep, but when we get back together, it's just like old times.
As we grow up, grew apart, grow back closer, we meet new people some of which become our close friends in a different circle. Because once you're growing up apart from each other, you start new interest and you become different. But you retain some resemblance in ways that no one else can explain because that's the way it is. Because deep down, we're still sisters.
New close friends become support beams around the base that you already have. I don't know if you're lucky enough to have circles of beams that keep on growing, and supporting. But interestingly enough what some close friends lacking, others will fill it. So, essentially there are no empty spaces. And that is the miracle of having friends. The magic of friendship.
No, I may not get the things that I want the way I want them, when I want them. But God has given me, and continue giving me these support beams that make me who I am today. I also belief I am a support beam to lots of friends out there, in different forms, different circles. Because life, as much as you want to live it your own way, is symbiotic.
When I see all my friends in one place together, I can smile from my heart. Because I can tell myself, if not the world, these are my beams. And somehow, I feel complete.