March 20, 2007

Come and get me - Part 1


I am going to share with you my thoughts on courting women. What I wrote here is in my own reflection. They might not be applicable to some ladies out there, but I believe the basic principles are the same. You might just want to tweak here and there to suit the situation/woman you're with.

Here it goes, in no particular order.

1. Inopportune Criticism

While good advise are most welcomed, it should be when no one else is around to hear it. For example, never comment how the pasta sauce could be thicker or the chicken should've been baked longer in front of her family and friends. You might want to wait when everyone has gone back OR when you're excusing yourself to help her in the kitchen.

2. Beauty is you

Tell her she's beautiful even if you have to choke it, even if it means you'll be strike by the lightning for lying through your teeth. Any girl loves to hear that from the man she loves/likes any time of the day. When she's not in her Miss World state, believe me, she knows that. She just want to hear the words, and even though she knows you're lying, she'll still hug you and know you're being really nice and adorable. By the way, never ever ask her about the callous under her foot in front of her girlfriends. Major faux pas.

3. Go fishing and play kite

Have you gone fishing before? You know you have to play the line; tug it, let it go, tug it, let it go. Or when you're playing the kite, at times you pull at it and then you let it fly high and far. Same thing applies to women. She wants to be close to you one moment and the next she wants to be left on her own. She needs her "me" time. Too much of you can be choking. Too less, well, she knows then you don't need her.

4. Hen night, anyone?

You know the expression, "I'm stagged tonight"? Well, we can't really say "I'm henned", that's just wrong. The understanding is, you have your boys night out, so we have our girls night out. Simple as that.

5. In-dependence

She needs to be both at different or the same time. She needs to be independent so she can be in control. She also needs to be able to depend on you so she can feel loved and cared for. She will give the signal when is which. When she says "no" that means leave her be. When she looks at you with her round soulful eyes, you know you have to hug her then.

6. Distress call

A phone call in the middle of the night is always a distress call. It's either she needs to hear your voice because she misses you (or your voice can lull her to sleep) or she needs you to pick her up from a late night out with friends or she just got mugged. You have to pick up this call and drop everything you're doing to tend to her. It shows you care. It shows she has value in your life. This will score major points.

7. Indulgence

It is expected for you to wine and dine the lady you profess to have feelings for. Not always, though because then it will not be special. It will just be a chore. Special dates and events like birthdays and anniversaries are VITAL of course; totally expected. But most appreciated would be unexpected gestures. Therefore, surprise her every now and then. This also applicable to gifts and presents. It's not how much you spend that matters, most of the time. Although pricey ones will fall under "unexpected gestures".

8. Communication

Amongst all, this will be the most important part. Any relationship counselor will say the same. Tell her your grand dreams, ask her hers. Talk about politics, or books, or history, current events, anything. It shows you value her points and insights. It's saying you respect her intelligence. Communicate.

9. Be "The Man"

Your childish antics might be adorable at times. But she's looking for "The Man". You might not be "The One"; this means everything she listed in her "To Have" list. By being "The Man" you have some of the qualities she is looking for. You will know this by looking at her reaction. If she grimaces, that means a no-no. You have to play your cards right. The adorable mummy's boy might not be wanted in a certain situation. She might need you to be James Bond or Preston Burke. Think wisely.

10. Trust

You have to trust she can take care of herself. You have to believe when she says she likes you, she does. You have to accept when she says the other guys she's seeing are just friends. Trusting her is important, because she's trusting you with her heart too. If you're taking a risk, so is she. Jealousy is nice to a certain extent.

I shall stop here. I may add this list from time to time. Depends. May you get a kick out of this, ladies. And may you are enlightened, gentlemen.

11 comments:

Azer Mantessa said...

a worthwhile reading

:-}

D.N.A.S said...

Tengkiu Jade. I'm forwarding this to Mr. Hubby.
To all men out there, the 10 rules apply to married men too, not only during courting, okay.

Hajar said...

azer: finally, I wrote something of value, eh? hehe...

dnas: welkam. yes! this applies to married couples too.. forgot to mention.

Sarclover said...

of independence... OF KOS!!!

Anonymous said...

hey...mana part 2??

TunaTurner said...

attn males;read this and practice!:p

Anonymous said...

Dengan izin Jade, me like to share this with the guys & gals here...

[Kids & those under 18, please leave now....]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting
into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said WHAT??!!

What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the
planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all.She wanted new shoes to complement her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit.

We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.

I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
racquet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw
her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear,let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped
with a baffled "WHAT?" I then said "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Sarclover said...

anonymous,

hmm...

i think you have a really materialistic chick there dude.

as far as i am concerned, i dont care about what my boyfriend (Which i don't have)could get for me, i just want SEX. <--i am shallow like that so bite me.

if he wants to buy me things, he would do so because he wants to and not because he wants to screw me.

well.. good luck anon!

Anonymous said...

sarcy: ;-)

queen: nanti laa... nak kumpul facts dulu...

ti.e.na: cross your fingers!

anon: i sort of read this scenario in an email before... hehe..

sarcy: very the.

Anonymous said...

i like to mention just a wee bit on point 10, becuz that's what all real relationships are based on. without that, you might as well have no relationships at all. i am a first timer here, would love to comment more on this topic, but it is already 3am. and i have an early meeting tomorrow. and oh...about that point on beauty, i just think that a guy needs to see the natural beauty of a woman. once he sees that, no matter how she looks, he will still find her attractive. g'nite!

Hajar said...

lich: welcome and come back soon. comment away. i agree with inner beauty. :-)