The Birth Story

I better start writing this while it is still fresh in my mind. I do not want to lose any detail of this first time. This experience also reminded me on how you can wish and pray for something, but Allah SWT will always have a better plan for you. And you must redha and be thankful. Always.

Thursday, 10/02/2011

We went for check-up, prepared to be admitted that evening. Doctor said I was 2cm dilated and very soft, which means it will be anytime from there on. She said if I don’t deliver the next day, it will be over the weekend. So, it was up to me if I wanted to be induced on Friday. The Hubby let me decide although later on he said he was not yet prepared mentally. :-) Truth be told, if I really think about it, I was not ready neither.

We went back, holding hands in the car, hearts beating furiously, at least for me. The Hubby had to go back to the office. I started to feel pain once or twice every hour that night. And every time the pain came, I would be quiet suddenly. Sometimes, the pain came every 15 minutes. But we made it through the night without having to rush to the ER.

Friday, 11/02/2011

The D-day. We went to Tawakal Hospital early, straight to the admission counter. All rooms were full so I was ushered straight to the labour room. There’s no turning back. It was almost 10 am. The nurse prep me quickly, change of clothes, a chair in front of the toilet door, and few minutes later, it’s heart beating fast waiting for the doctor. Mak was waiting outside the labour ward since only husbands were allowed in. At this moment, I could still smile and joking with The Hubby. I think he took one picture of me, all smiles.

Doctor came at almost noon. While she was examining me, my water broke. So, doctor, with confidence told me that she’ll give it four to six hours. The pain with capital P came after noon. I overcame hurdle after hurdle. It started to peak at around 3pm. I could not watch The Hubby’s face, because I could see how helpless he felt. He wanted to help to massage me, but I said no, he wanted to talk to me and I just wanted quiet, he kept asking me to tell him what he could do for me and all I can say was “there’s nothing you could do for me now, sayang” which I know broke his heart even more. I believed he did not stop praying and making dua’ all the time. Doctor came again at 4pm and asked me again if I really do not want epidural, which I replied in positive. Doctor left. Nurse came in and checked the CTG, she looked a little worried and told me The Baby’s heartbeat was a little erratic. She said it was because I was stressed and The Baby is feeling it too. Nurse said not to worry about taking epidural since almost everyone is taking it, including her. I told her I just don’t want drugs on my baby and again came the familiar statement that the medication does not effect the baby. She left me to decide, and I looked at The Hubby.

Hubby again left it up to me, because he knows how strongly I feel about the matter. In the end, I decided to take it, because I do not want to risk The Baby. When the nurse came to explain about epidural, I just told her that, skip the explanation and just go ahead and do it. Ha ha ha… I think the nurse was taken aback, but at the moment, I was only thinking of The Baby. When the anesthetist came to administer the epidural, I was oblivious to everything, my eyes were closed to overcome the next wave of pain. He tried to administer while I was lying down on my side but could not, so he asked the nurse to sit me up and bent forward. The Hubby had to wait outside while all these being done. The effect was immediate. I felt cold a moment, and then, no pain. But I felt the urge to pass motion from time to time, and that was my trigger for pushing.

The epidural was administered at 5pm. I was fully dilated by 7pm, but The Baby is still nowhere near being delivered. Doctor came and said if by 8pm no change, I will have to go for C-sect. I felt really sad at that time, and it pushed me to work even harder, although I do not know how much harder could I add to the push. I felt I had given all I can. I was asked to lie on my left side, and push when the urge to do so came. That’s what I did, non-stop.

Doctor came in at 8pm and told us there is a final attempt for a normal delivery. Which is to vacuum the baby out. While doctor was explaining and preparing, I kept on pushing whenever I felt the urge. On one of the push, The Doctor said that she could see The Baby’s hair and in the midst of it, I actually asked for clarification, “Baby has hair?” and all eyes were on me. He he he… I heard The Doctor said a while later that she’s going to do a little cut on me and during that time, I do not care that I did not want episiotomy either. I just want The Baby delivered safely. On one of the push, suddenly The Baby was on my tummy and I just could not believe what I was looking at. She was a little blue because she was stucked too long in the birth canal. The birth was difficult because she was facing up.

Alhamdulillah, after all that, my beautiful baby girl, Hana, was delivered at 8:27pm on 11th February 2011.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter I did not get a drug free birth experience or sans episiotomy, all that matter is that my daughter was delivered safely and she’s a healthy baby.

She is 7 day-old today. We will do a little doa selamat session amongst us, and The Hubby will shave her head. InsyaAllah her Aqiqah is already administered by EzyQurban today.

Thank you to all of you who prayed for us, for our safety, for our health. We are forever thankful. After all that, I do believe, that we, The Hubby, Baby Hana and I are really blessed. Thank you Allah.

Going into 40th Week

I have been staying at home for the past two weeks. Doctor has given me the medical leave just so that I can rest at home instead of lugging the 3kg laptop around with already 12kg added to my mid area. Still, The Baby is contented to be inside, although occasionally I feel the familiar pain that I went through almost every month before I got pregnant.

Our next check-up will be on this Thursday. Two weeks ago, The Doctor did my first vaginal examination (VE). It was really uncomfortable and foreign to me. I seriously cannot imagine having a male doctor poking around like that! Few days after that, I had a little bloody show. But come last Wednesday for follow-up check up, The Baby is still quite high, and still facing up. I sincerely hope by this Thursday The Baby has turned to face backwards, getting ready to come out. I don’t think the doctor will allow us to go overdue as The Baby is already 3kg plus. I believe, if it’s possible for me to be induced, I will be and, with Allah’s will, The Baby will be born safely and healthily by Friday.

I’m surrounding myself with positive vibes and positive quotes. I would like to go through labour without having to resort to drugs and deliver the baby without the episiotomy. I would also like to deliver naturally and not through C-sect. My prayers and wishes, hopefully Allah SWT will grant it. Ameen.

Today I vacuumed the room, changed the bed sheet and washed the toilet. Ha ha ha… People say it will indirectly induce labour. I’m hoping. But truthfully, I can feel The Baby is taking her own sweet time, it’s like telling people, “I’ll be there when I want to”. Ha ha ha… Well, darling, don’t take too long ya, because I don’t want The Doctor or the nurses to be impatient and decide it for you. It’s almost 40 weeks, and it IS time for you to come out, so make your move. This is your MOTHER speaking. Why? Because I said so. We’ll talk about options and your ways once you’re out here. But for now, follow the rules.

I’m doing squats as fast and as much as I can. I got really really hyped up after watching this video:

Hopefully I will be able to do the routine once I’m done with my confinement. ;-)

Nesting and Wiring

I think I have enough reference book that will occupy me with projects during confinement. I am not sure how busy or free I will be during the period, so I’m just being prepared for the times where I would feel bored or agitated because I cannot be out and about. Preparation is good, right?

According to Momster, she was so busy during the confinement, taking care of herself and Baby Hanan. So, that’s a heads up for me, just in case. :-)

Below are the books that I purchased today from Kinokuniya. A bit frustrated because I didn’t get any discount! Hmmph!

Braxton Hicks is a regular occurrence now. Still too long and far apart to be a real labour pain. Baby A is till high up, although I do feel more pressure down under. I don’t know. It will happen when Baby A is ready. I just hope that it will be soon. The suspense is making me feel more and more anxious.

Baby A is always stretching and pushing around, trying to make more space, me thinks. So I always tell Baby A that rather than doing that, you might as well get ready in the correct position to come out, because there is a lot of space out here! He he he… My nesting instinct has been more intense these days. People say that shows the time is really near. I don’t know. My take is on Baby A, it will happen when The Baby wants it to happen.

This morning The Hubby said that it’s useless to tell me to stay put. Because the more people tell me to slow down the more I want to move about. If no one said anything, I am happy being at home doing nothing. He also said that as my tummy gets bigger, I get crazier wrapping wires! Ha ha ha… Well, when I first followed Mel to the workshop, I didn’t expect to get hooked really bad. But hooked I did! And I sincerely hope that the investment that I’ve made will turn out to be fruitful.

Some family members and friends have asked me to make jewelry for them already. But I am still not confident to execute it. I need more practice, especially the wrapping, bending and weaving. I have a couple of orders from Sarc already! I hope I can make the items for her soon. Please be patient babe. I’ll make it happen! Let me finish up few more tutorials and practice projects before I start. He he he…

It’s Getting Closer

People say that confinement period will be tough especially if you’re not used to be confined. Especially for people like yours truly who are always out and about.

I am now sort of “confined” to the house by my parents request. Abah is worried every time I do the driving. And I guess, last night dinner with my person will be the last outing for me, driving myself. I know the time is near, and it could be any day now. But, haih… my heart… I just want to be FREE!! Ha ha ha… Mak did tell me in the afternoon that if I am confident enough, she won’t stopped me from going out cause she does not want me to feel “jailed”.

Even during the last few months, I have been feeling a little down, because I don’t really get to go out. My days were very routine where I go to work, come back home and sleep. Over the weekends, I go out if The Hubby wants to go out. And sometimes, I feel a little sad when he goes out with this friends, leaving me at home. Ngada-ngada kan?

Like this weekend, I thought we could go out, spend time together, but he has to work. Luckily I had the wire art workshop yesterday, that kept me occupied until 6:00pm. And then the impromptu dinner with my person. Didn’t realise that I miss her so much! He he he...

Today my MIL and FIL arrived from Kuching. The Hubby is coming to pick me up so we can have dinner together. I wonder if we will have enough time to go to Borders. There are few books on wire jewellery that I would like to purchase. Owh… speaking of that, here are some of the most recent items that I’ve learnt to make during the workshops and my free time…

As for The Baby, during the last follow-up, the good doctor has instructed me to do squats exercise more frequently. The Baby is in 50% correct position, only The Baby hasn’t turned face down and yet to engaged. The doctor wants to see us again this Thursday to see the progress. She said, if The Baby is still the way it is now, she will start to worry. Please Allah, I do not want a C-sect. Please let it be an easy delivery and a fast one. Please make the baby turn correctly by Thursday. I don’t mind if I have to go on labour on the same day. The Baby is moving actively of course, just not towards the direction we’re expecting yet. I’m hopeful though. Please pray for us too, my friends. 

Counting Down

The idea is to have the baby cot and the dresser with space for changing on top. Just like the picture below:

Although in this picture, the items are a bit on the luxurious side… What I have in mind is more… subtle. Simple yet functional. We do not have a room to be designated as the nursery, so we have to re-arrange the things in our room to accommodate one extra occupant. ;-)

Tomorrow we will start staying at my parents’. Next Friday is my follow up check-up. Hopefully the good doctor will give me rest day at home for the next week. I have a feeling that Baby A will arrive very soon. And I’m finding carrying a laptop, just to walk from the car park to the building is a chore. When it rains, I cannot even move faster! Not only because I fear I might slip, but also because I just can’t move faster! Ha ha ha…

Two more big items to purchase are stroller and car seat.We’ve been scouting around, but we have not made up our minds yet. In fact, we plan to look at options tomorrow at the Baby Fair in Midvalley. But, I think it’s best that we don’t go. The Hubby is a bit under the weather, and I’d rather him be fully recovered than to walk around malls.

At work, it seems like other people are more concern that I’m still working than my own boss. Although he did say earlier this week to make sure I don’t start labouring in Putrajaya. And my so called TL, is piling up work for me everyday. Sometimes, I think he has a vendetta against me. Once, several months back, he said I complain too much these days when I told him that the chairs in the server room is causing me back ache! And I told him, it’s the affect of pregnancy as I need better support for my back. I also, innocently, asked him, “Didn’t you notice your wife’s condition while she was pregnant?” I think I got him there and he kept mum.

Haih. Some people, eh? Anyway, other than that, everything else is moving well. Tomorrow I’ll be attending another craft workshop with WhimsicalQuirky. Not only that, I’m also purchasing the tutorial kit for a different workshop. I’m trying to learn as much as I can within this short period of time. Hopefully I can be useful during the confinement. Not sure how much free time I’ll have, but it’s just preparation. No harm in preparing, right?

So, these are the happenings while counting down to D-day. Please pray for us. I’m praying and hoping that everything will go smoothly and naturally, insyaAllah!

First!

This is Baby A’s first present. Thanks to Aunty Sarc and Uncle Krish!! I think Baby A is impatient to get to play with it, because every time I look at it Baby A will jump around. Ha ha ha…

Thanks to both of you for yesterday’s afternoon tea. I don’t mind it’s a “mini”, it’s the thoughts that count. Thank you so much! Love you! Muah muah. Hugs hugs.

Don’t Mind The Fat

Okay, I have to be honest. I am in now way, FAT, eventhough I’m going into my 32nd week now. Yes, I have gained weight and maybe a little extra fat deposit here and there, but I am a long way from being overweight. All my excess are sort of accounted for.

BUT, that does not mean I don’t feel inferior when I look at my non-pregnant friends. The thing that always come to my mind is whether or not I will successfully go back to my previous shape and weight. And that’s when I start to move my butt and do some stretching exercise. Ha ha ha…

One thing for sure, people are saying breastfeeding will help you to lose all the pregnancy fat. I saw one friend the other day, delivered her baby few months back and yeah, she’s slim alright. But she has always been this skinny girl even before she got married. She did sort of plump up while she was pregnant, so I guess it’s proven that breastfeeding does help.

Anyway, weight gain, is part of being pregnant. As long as you’re eating right, you’ll be fine. And make sure you drink lots and lots of water. It is troublesome to be visiting the johns every fifteen minutes or so, but it will help to reduce swelling and lethargy. This I can attest to. My feet do not swell and I can still fit into my regular strappy FLAT sandal.

One more thing, start wearing flats early in your pregnancy. It helps to avoid back aches and leg pain. Wear loose clothing early, regardless what people might say. But the extra space makes you feel more comfortable and since our body temperature is higher than normal, it helps to cool us down.

Urrmm… I guess that’s it for now. Flu is making me sleepy and a little slower than usual. At work now. But I guess, I’ll be going home early.

The Baby is Growing Healthily

This morning we went for our check-up. I am almost 31 weeks now. The Baby is now 1.9kg! Doctor said The Baby should be around 2.9kg on delivery day. She, the doctor, advised me to control my sugar intake. I admitted to her that I’ve been eating a lot of ice cream recently (Baskin Robbin’s White Winter Chocolate…. It’s heavenly) because I have been feeling weird taste in my mouth. And apparently sweet stuff; read: ice cream, eliminates it! She mentioned that it’s okay of the baby is small, between 2.6kg to 2.8kg; easier for the baby, easier for the mommy. She asked whether I purposely want a big 3kg plus baby. Ha ha ha… Well, so far, the record showed; from my mother and my cousin, all their babies are 3.5kg and above! Personally I do no have any target for the baby’s weight, but I’d prefer it to be less than 3kg… :-) Let The Baby grow fatter and bigger once it’s delivered, yeah?

So, today I received a new prescription. ObiminPluz. I was a little confused in the beginning because there was no more folic acid prescribed. But apparently ObiminPluz has sufficient amount of folic in it. It also contain fish oil and DHA supplement. So, all in one, no need to buy extra! Read more on this multivitamin here: Obimin Pluz. So, I believe, combined with good balanced diet, everything should be okay, insyaAllah.

Today, the doctor confirmed again The Baby’s gender. So, would you like to guess? All baby stuff that we have purchased so far are in whites or neutral colours. My child, be it boy or girl, will have fun with colours. He he he…

We went to see the Labour Room and the Maternity Ward after the check-up. I like what I saw. And since the doctor and I are in the same page when it comes to episiotomy and epidural, I could not be happier. Alhamdulillah. There is a reason why we had the scare in the beginning which directed us to Tawakal Hospital after that. And there is a reason why I immediately chose Dr. Siti Zaleha from the list. And I believe these are the blessings in disguise. I have a healthy and easy pregnancy so far which I am so thankful for. I hope the easy journey will continue until delivery and after. InsyaAllah. Please pray for me as well my friends.

Last week, I had a studio photoshoot. Well, home-studio. And with my personal photographer; The Hubby. We had fun. I’m big. And round. And this is one of those pictures taken:

 

Of course, the idea of standing on the scale is mine. :-p I am now 71 – 72kg. Ten kg extra from before pregnancy. I was working hard to reduce my weight into the 50s earlier this year. Ha ha ha… But did not make it before The Baby decided to join us. So, once the pregnancy is confirmed, there are no more weight loss targets. I just want to be healthy and just making sure I don’t balloon up too much. So far, doctor says it’s normal and healthy, so I am happy.

We plan to have another photo shoot after my exam next week. So, Sarcy!!! When do you want to do yours?

KPJ Selangor Specialist Antenatal Class

Fee: RM80 per couple
Time: 9:00am to 6:00pm
Instructor: Pn. Faridah Abd Majid
Meals: 2 Milo breaks and lunch

Syllabus:

• Care During Pregnancy
• Diet & Pregnancy
• Pain Relief During Labour
• Process of Labour
• Care of Newborn
• Exercise During Pregnancy
• Breathing Technique During Labour – Lamaze Technique
• Importance of Breastfeeding and Breastfeeding Techniques
• Bathing of Baby
• Tour of Labour Room and Post Natal Ward

It was a great session I would say. I have learned quite a few new things. Especially the Lamaze breathing techniques. If you have done yoga before, you would see the similarity with yoga breathing exercise. The breathing technique is to enable the woman in labour to control the pain instead of being controlled by pain. Obviously it will not eliminate the pain, but it will help to relax the muscle and slow down your heart rate to induce overall relaxation.

I am still skeptical about episiotomy. Yes, I can understand the logic behind the action, the reason they are doing it. But I also belief that our body is well equipped to adjust to the changes. Of course, there will be circumstance where assistance is needed especially if the baby is big. I guess, this is the reason why episiotomy is considered necessary. Anyway, the jury is still out for me on this matter. I will discuss it with my doctor and ask her opinion.

As for pain relief, this to me is really up to the individual. Everyone’s pain threshold is different. None of us are the same. Our mother had to endure it because the option might not be available at that time. Nowadays, we can opt for it if we want to. There are circumstance where epidural is absolutely necessary, maybe because the woman had some medical history relating to pain. One cannot judge another for choosing to use pain relief. For this one, unless it is really necessary for me to use it, I will do it drug free, insyaAllah. May He give me the strength and patience.

Breastfeeding. Well, even in the class they say every woman CAN breastfeed their babies. I personally feel that you will only know the truth when you experience it yourself. I have few friends who has difficulty in breastfeeding their babies. But I don’t see they bond lesser with their babies. Granted, breastfeeding seems to be closer in a sense between the mother and the baby. But, hey, there are lots of ways to bond, right? You just have to find the best way for you and your baby. :-)

And there is such thing as baby massage to create the bonding. Although there was not enough time for us to be guided during the class for this, the participants are given a CD produced by Johnson’s Baby on step-by-step guide to perform infant massage. I have watched the video and I belief everyone can do this. Including the fathers!

This is my first antenatal class, therefore I cannot say that it’s the best in town. What I can say though is that for the fee that we paid, it’s worth every ringgit! I believe The Hubby and I have learned a lot. And as The Hubby said, “I cannot unsee what I have seen”. The materials were provided with clarity and Q&A session is handled well. We were also very fortunate that Pn.Faridah is willing to share beyond the training materials. She suggested few recipes to try during pregnancy as well as when the baby starts to eat solid food. How to get your child to eat everything and how you can create variety in your everyday meal.

Owh, two videos were shown; the birth process sans the sound, and the breastfeeding techniques.

So, obviously I recommend people to go to antenatal class. And if you do choose this class in KPJ Selangor Specialist, I can say you will not regret it. :-) Besides, any new knowledge is a gem to our beings, right?

ps: It’s a good idea to go with your spouse. Because, they will be the ones who will guide you during labour on the things you learnt in the class; that is… if they don’t collapse first! ;-)

Prepare and prepare…

I have read that it is important to have a birth plan. This is like preparing a project plan! Ha ha ha…

According to BabyCentre.com, a birth plan is a way of communicating with the midwives and doctors who care for you in labour. Basically it tells people in the labour room whether or not you need drugs to alleviate the pain, or whether you want episiotomy or not, etc. It’s all about what kind of labour and delivery you’re expecting. The reason behind preparing this plan is because during the heat of the moment, you and your husband, will not be able to remember on small little things that seem important to the both of you. You will be too focus on the incoming addition.

I am not sure if such thing is being practiced in Tawakal Hospital, or even in Malaysia in general. But I will surely ask my doctor during my next check-up.

My next check-up will be on 9th December. I will be about 30 or 31 weeks then. Wowsers! That’s a huge number and cutting it very close, eh? I have arranged to attend pre-natal class on the 4th of December. That’s next week, and I’m excited! I will be attending the class in KPJ Selangor after reading good reviews about the class, conducted by a Pn Faridah. I will certainly write my own review regarding this class to share with you.

I know some people feel that reading books on pregnancy and childbirth, or attending pre-natal classes are time wasters. Some people even go to the extend you should just tawakal and berserah pada Allah SWT. While I agree that the ultimate is for Him to decide, He did say that we need to do all we can to our utmost capabilities. And secondly, I do not like to go into new things unknowing.

If you read the pregnancy books, they all tell you the same thing; every pregnancy is different, no two pregnancy is the same. Not even to the same woman. So there you go. I believe in being prepared on everything that we do, and not walk blindly into the unknown. During our mothers’ days, it was different. Back then, they do not have access to vast information like we do. So, we make use of what we have to our advantage. Learn as much as we can and then leave it to Allah SWT for the final say. For He will not forsaken people who have done their best to achieve a better state. Believe in that.

My good friend Momster is closing in to her D-day. I pray she’ll be fine and have a successful delivery to a healthy Baby H. All the best babe!

At My 28th Week…

So you see, that is why I find it so difficult to get up in the morning and go to work! Lots of motivation is needed at the current gestation age.

The best motivation I had to get up early in the morning was last weekend. And that is because I was looking forward to it. Now that the weekend is over, and everything is up to me to make the next steps happen, I’m getting back to the pre-weekend mood. Especially to go to work!

As The Hubby advised yesterday, just a couple more months, then you’ll be on long leave. After that, you can start looking for a new thing. He he he… How true. Therefore, I am kicking myself every morning to make it to the last base. With hopes that everything turn out well.

New Terms that I Learn

With this new experience of having a life growing inside me, comes new information and knowledge that I gladly learn. Not only they come from the books that I read or the websites that I visit, they from from my personal experiences which had me scavenging the internet for more information. But my readily source of information when it comes to pregnancy is Momster.

Like I mentioned before, Momster is expecting her second child after five years. The gap is not by choice, but because of her own unique life experiences. As each and everyone of us will go through different adventures with reasons that varies. Some people because it’s their own choice or decision, others because it’s fate and just how it’s deemed to be by the Almighty.

So, coming back to the topic at hand, it’s from Momster that I learnt new terms with regards to pregnancy. I hope by sharing this information here, other people will benefit from them too! So, here are two terms that the conditions I have experienced first-hand now at 21 weeks:

• Braxton Hicks Contraction
• Round Ligament Pain

Braxton Hicks Contraction is a painless contraction not to be confused with actual labour contraction. In fact, contractions on the area happens all the time but it is more noticeable during pregnancy because of the pressure that is continuously building as the pregnancy progress. Read more on this condition HERE. (source: About.com)

Round Ligament Pain happens usually when you change position suddenly. Like last night, when I attempted to roll over, while lying on the bed, I felt a sharp jab like cramping on the lower abs area. Stroking the area gently back and forth eased the sensation slowly. Read more on this condition HERE. (source: Babycenter.com)

I know as the weeks pass, more new experience will come to surface. They are just to be expected. As it was when I was getting ready to get married, a lot of well meaning friends and relatives give their opinions and advices on pregnancy and giving birth. Appreciating them as I do, for these people had went through the adventure, I have to listen to them ALWAYS with a pinch of salt. I do find solace in few people including Mak (my mom) because these few people sound more encouraging and positive. And I am so thankful that I have these people in my life.

I am also thankful for having such understanding and supportive husband. As we are learning to live and grow together, now we are adjusting to the new addition. An uncle once told The Hubby, “These are the times for husbands to be extra patient” and how true that statement come to be. And I can only solemnly hope and pray that The Hubby’s resilience and support remains constant as the D-day comes closer.

I am getting rounder…

It has been… more than two weeks since my last update. Much has happened. I supposed it is not yet too late to wish all Muslims Eid Mubarak. And after all the food and more to come in the next two weeks because of the open houses every where, just make sure you compensate by exercising or taking less food while you’re on normal days.

I am into my 20 weeks of pregnancy now. And I frequently feel the Baby moving these days. And it amazes me every time. As with the visits to the O&G. Wednesday was my 20 weeks visit, and we were hoping to know the gender. However, the Baby was in prostrating form, and it was not possible to determine whether it is a “she” or a “he”. Well, we are not really concern about the gender, as long as the Baby is healthy and cukup sifat as our mothers would say. So, we shall wait for another four weeks to find out!

It is true when people say second trimester is the best time during pregnancy. Well, so far I’m comparing with the first trimester, and it’s true enough. No more frequent nausea feeling, Alhamdulillah. Although there were times when I feel the gagging motion because of intense smell around.

As for food, I’m eating everything. No exception. I lost 1 kg during the puasa month when we went for the 4th month check-up. However, yesterday, I gained 2.5kg! Initially the doctor looked worried, but after measuring the Baby, the weight gain corresponds with its size. If lucky star is on my side, the due date is going to be correct.

Hari Raya as a married lady is different. It was a very emotional one for me. Although my in-laws came down to KL to celebrate Eid here, I spent little time with my own parents and siblings. I missed another family gathering in Malacca, that’s the second time now. And when we did go back to Malacca, it felt more like a holiday visit then Eid, because every one has gone back. :-)

No, I am not complaining. I’m just stating that it’s different. And it is something that everyone has to go through once they are hitched! I’m sure the husbands feel the same when we spend time at our parents’ home.

One thing that I could not do this year during Eid… wear an awesome KEBAYA! So, this will be my objective next year!

I have been bombarded with a couple of questions lately. One; when is the open house, and two; when is the baby shower. For the former, just come over when you are in the area, let me know in advance so that I can prepare something. For the latter, isn’t it still too early?

Okay, for now, I shall pen (type) off. Take care everyone!

At 12 Weeks

It was my second check up with Dr. Siti Zaleha in Tawakal Hospital yesterday. We arrived slightly late, just about ten minutes after 9a.m. but I saw that our turn would be later. The doctor was away for her rounds, so we went for second breakfast at Yusuf Haslam’s join. Apparently, according to Mak, that’s where you see the whos in the entertainment industry. Ha ha ha…

We went back up and I suggested we take a look at the maternity ward. We bumped into our doctor as we stepped out from the lift. And The Hubby wanted us to go down immediately. Ha ha ha.. So, we waited for the next lift and went down. To a waiting area which was full with couples already.

As we waited, we passed the time chatting. And when the couple seated next to us went inside, we wondered when our turn would be. When they came out, there was a little commotion. Apparently the woman was feeling contractions already and she is to be admitted immediately. The Hubby started to get anxious while I was unexplainably, excited. Ha ha ha…

When our turn came, we sort of sighed in relief. It was almost 11:30am. And my flu (did I forget to mention that I was having flu and it’s been like that for a couple of days?) was getting worse. I kept on sneezing. After few words, the Dr. Siti ushered me to the bed. They have rearranged the bed and screens and I just look forward to watch.

The Baby was playing actively! Hands and feet were moving. At one point, The Baby turned its head towards the scanner and it seemed as if it was waving to us! Next, it was sliding from left to right which made The Hubby exclaimed in surprise, “What’s it doing?!”. Dr. Siti calmly replied that The Baby was just moving. She tried to get the hearbeat, but it went on and off because The Baby did not stay put. I was totally amazed and humbled.

It is an indescribable feeling. Anyone who has not seen this miracle before, whether you’re married or not yet, a parent or not, would feel the same, I suppose. Having said that I will not say, “Quick! Have a baby!” to anyone who has not. Yes, it’s very, very exciting but we must always remember that this is a rezeki and amanah that is bestowed. And for this, it has its own place and time.

Dr Siti gave me two days MC to let the flu settle. I told her I was downing Ribena all the while and not taking any medicine for it. So, she prescribed flu med and also gastric tablets to prepare for fasting month. I told her I planned to test fast today and so far, I’m doing well. Just minor headache in the afternoon and major thirst, but I’m alright. Tomorrow, I will again fast, but this time, off to work!

This morning, just before The Hubby went to work, there was a photo moment, when he sat beside me looking at The Baby’s ultrasound picture. His face was serene and just perfect. I did not have my camera handy, or else, it would make a very nice black and white photo. As it is, the moment is plastered in my memory, and hopefully relayed to The Baby. Isk.. Isk.. Syahdu pulak…

A New Beginning

My blog is going to get more and more domesticated. No more repressed feelings. No more bitter remembrances. Reason?

I’m looking to the future now. And nothing is going to stop me from doing just that.

See the new ticker above? Well, that’s what’s new in my life. In OUR lives. We are anxious and excited at the same time. I guess that is normal. The journey, albeit only 10 weeks, had been a slight roller coaster ride.

When we first found out, it was through the home test. Well, I was late, and I felt fat. And because I’m such an intelligent person (cheewaaahhh!) I sorta suspected it. Momster forced me to do the test while I was trying to be in limbo for a longer time. :-p

The Hubby was waiting anxiously for me to open the pregnancy test box. I didn’t know why it was so difficult to open it. He could not bear the suspense any longer and took the box away from me and ripped it open! Ha ha ha… Okay, “ripping it” is a bit to melodramatic because the box is still intact until today. But that’s just me describing the situation that night. It was before we went out to watch a movie. Hmmm… maybe he was afraid that we would be late for the movie! :-p

It was a plus sign. And we went to see the doctor near our house the next day. The doctor just took the pregnancy test from the night before as true and congratulate us. She asked us to come back in two weeks to do the first scan. I started on the folic acid. Later only that I knew, folic acid is supposed to be taken even before you get pregnant.

Few days later, I started to buy books. Ha ha ha… as below:

The last one is for The Hubby, of course! He he he… and let me tell you, I belief it has good impact on him. :-)

So, two weeks later we went to the same clinic for the follow up check-up. Owh… this is a dedicated maternity clinic and equipped with delivery room and maternity ward. Not that I had the chance to see around though. So, both of us are excited for the first scan. Just the other day The Hubby told me that I was glowing. He had such surprise in his face and I was reluctant not to believe him, because all I see in the mirror is my puffy face in the morning. Sigh.

The doctor ( a different lady doctor this time) asked the same questions while looking at my record from the previous visit. And she ushered me to the examining bed for the scan. After giving me a couple of minutes to get comfortable, she started to put the cool jelly on my slightly bloated tummy. It was a bit unpleasant actually, because of the pressure that she put. We saw the sac and The Hubby and I automatically linked our hands a while. And then, the bomb came. “Tak dapat cari heartbeat lah…” said the doctor (I cannot find the heartbeat).

I was speechless and immediately run through my head the things I did, the food I ate for the past weeks. I was kicked out from the gym by Mr Trainer, although I have not started working out yet. Just walked in and talking to him (with my gym bag on my shoulder of course). I was careful not to overdid the housework. I turned my head to look at The Hubby and my eyes started to teary… And the doctor suggested we scanned from below. I did not comprehend.

Until she started to change the scanner head and inserted it into a condom. Yikes! I was screaming in my head. It was VERY uncomfortable. And she still could not detect the heartbeat. Later her words to us; “Nak cuci sekejap jer, nak mengandung susah, so datang balik in two weeks lah yer?” (To clean it is fast, but to get pregnant is not easy, so come back in two weeks). I just nodded my head for whatever exchanged between The Hubby and the doctor was just a buzz to me.

The Hubby started to notice the change in me the moment we walked out from the room. I was very quiet. I was just feeling down. Later I shared the news with Momster and she told me to get second opinion. And since she had experience on miscarriage before she was being logical all the time. I tried to stay positive all week, but it was hard. And I could not bear it. So, I made an appointment to see another doctor, this time in Tawakal Hospital. It took place just a week after the sad visit.

Most of the operation in Tawakal Hospital just started at the new building that week. So, when we registered to see the doctor, we even get a goodie bag! We were the first couple to arrive, but had to wait a little while because they had problems with the network. I explained to the doctor about the situation and she quickly ushered me to the examining bed after checking my blood pressure.

The doctor explained that their scanner is 4D and I could see how big the difference is with the simple scanner in the maternity clinic. Not that I’m impressed by the look and size, because I was just dying to know whether I’m really carrying or if it’s a missed pregnancy. Less than a minute later the visual came up and I could clearly see the frantic movement in the sac. And the doctor said, “Tu, ada heartbeat.” (There’s the heartbeat). She switched on the audio and at that moment it’s the sweetest sound on earth, I swear. I didn’t realise that The Hubby and I were already holding hands. My eyes got teary and this time out of happiness. The doctor told me not to be worried. I think The Hubby was very relieved because he started to tell the doctor how I keep on worrying and feeling sad. So, I had a small lecture from the doctor because of that. And all I wanted to do was hug the doctor. But we just met, so I’ll save it for later I guess.

My next appointment was set a month from that date, which is end of this month, where I will complete my first trimester, InsyaAllah. Alhamdulillah. I’m happy with this new gift from The Almighty. And I pray all the good things for myself, The Hubby and our future child.

When I first knew I was pregnant, Momster was already a month or so ahead of me. It created such a bonding. And then I came to know her sister-in-law, who was my ex-colleague, Memey, was also pregnant, a week later than me. But as we rejoiced and get ready, many tests were put forward, like my case, and most recently, Memey lost hers. But I’m positive, and Momster concurred, that Memey will get re-pregnant very soon. Yes, I just invented a word I believe.

All in all, this tells us that we could only plan. And He is the one to decide for it to be or not to be. The Hubby and I did not plan to have kids so early, but we are being given the amanah to carry this miracle. So we accept wholeheartedly. I believe that everything will fall into place nicely because He will test us with tests that we could handle. If we were not sure about having a baby before, the scare we had confirmed that we actually want it. There you go. He knows what’s best for us and what we need. And who are we to question that, right?

So, here begins a new chapter in the Memoir of Looneypuff. It started out with me being all looney and girl power fighting machine. Well, I’m still all those, just not too intense like before. I was a sad person before. Always lamenting, always complaining, always feeling bereft and left out. But was always enjoying life to its fullest albeit the emptiness. I am now more grounded, I believe, and fulfilled. Alhamdulillah. And still enjoying life to the fullest!