Preparing For Love

I remember those days when I was on my own. I kept on thinking why are those people who are rougher, more out-spoken and probably slightly "evil" able to find their other half so early? I mean, these are not necessarily nice people, but still, they have someone who love them enough that the men decided marriage it is!

I thought how unfair that is. I thought there must be something really wrong with me. I thought I am so lacking in so many ways that I don't know about. Therefore I could not correct them and I will always be alone. I kept on thinking these unknown disadvantages that I have that it really brought me down to a very low level at one point. I was feeling really, really sad and alone. I would suddenly cried without any reason. I started to pull myself inside and avoiding people. I felt really unattractive.

This was years ago. If I'm not mistaken, I was about 27 or 28 years old then. After this very low point in my life, somehow I woke up with a new breath. I suddenly love life better than anything else and I love myself a lot more. I started to be more brave in expressing myself; with words and how I present myself. I started buy more shoes (egad!). I started shopping for 'nicer' clothes. I started to have more than two handbags! I was practically evolving into being a typical woman! But even with all that, I was still myself. I know some people was sad with the changes I made. But for the first time in my life, I felt alive! I felt that I am being true to who I really am.

Changes are good. What's important, we should be comfortable in the changes that we make. More important, we're happy with the change. No other person should be able to dictate how you should live your life. They can offer advise and suggestions, but ultimately, you know what makes you happy.

Having said that, being a Muslim, we should always remember that whatever we do, we have The One to answer to. Whatever we say or do, we should always remember Him. And I guess, only then we're able to be truly happy, whatever choices or changes we make in our lives.

Owh... and of course, everything will happen in its own space and time. We don't have to fight or look for it. Especially in love. I don't believe in "looking for love". I believe in "preparing for love". This means, we prepare ourselves with the values that are truly ourselves. And when the time is right, as per qada' and qadr, it will happen.