June 18, 2009

Tell me,

...is it wrong....
  • ... to feel sad and disappointed when your best friends could not accompany you on your wedding day (at the other side)?
  • ... to feel sad and disappointed when your best friends seem not to have the sensitivities to offer help with the planning?
  • ... to feel sad and disappointed when your other half would rather spend time with his friends than you?
  • ... to feel sad and disappointed when your future sister-in-law is being treated extra special?
  • ... to feel sad and disappointed when you suddenly realised that you're not as special as you thought you were?
  • ... to feel sad and disappointed when you actually feel sad and disappointed about the above things?
  • ... that because of all the above, you suddenly feel... so alone?
I'm venting out. It has been so long since I've done this. Somehow, I fear that I would hurt other people feelings. And because I'm not blogging quite so anonymously as before, people will talk and speculate. Maybe I should resort to a new anonymous blog for venting out.

I don't like questioning myself and my values. I don't like it when my consideration of other people's feelings makes me do just that. I don't like not knowing what's the right thing to do. And lately, I have been swallowing and stomaching everything. I don't like this choked up feeling. In short, I hate the state that I am in now.

And so, if people talk and speculate upon reading this entry, let it be. It makes me breath easier by letting it all out. By not admitting that my life has its ups and down, I'm being a hypocrite. By actually saying the truth I risk the bad responses that comes with it. So.

Maybe this is just the stress talking.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

sometimes.. bride to be.. will get more sensitive.. just be cool.. semua mesti OK!!

p/s: x nk ajak aku shopping brg kawin gk ker? nk kirim telekung x? hehehe..

hang_lipur said...

hehe...it's normal ayong..itu org kata.. dugaan nak kawen! even when my wedding, i have to decide the biggest decision in my live... to quit or continue working wit a nightmare manager??!! and cikjah as my wedding planner had gone for her brain cancer surgery 2mths b4 my wedding...have to be strong ayong! I'm here with you...

Hajar said...

yani: bila ko pegi eh? nanti la aku kasi tau...

hang_lipur: hmmm... ok.. tenkiu. :-)

Anonymous said...

been there, and yes, it's normal! :)

hang on there, you'll be fine and everything will be fine too! don't worry too much eh?

John F SeaDemon said...

Hello! Long time no see!

Sarclover said...

Ish... it's not wrong at all... we are only human... with all the emo problems and crap... chilllll...

Hajar said...

momster: will do.. will do! :-)

SeaDemon: hello back! hehe...

Sarcy: frozen dah ni... :-D