A New Chapter

So, it is my first day at Pudica. So, I knew before I joined that it has government influence stamped all over it. So, I was informed there is a restructuring going on (why do I always join a new place while there's a reorganisation being done, I don't know. maybe next time I should make it one of my standard questions to ask during the interview).

Apparently the "old" people are so used to the "old" ways that the new concept seems foreign to them. I have not the nitty-gritty details, but suffice to say they are worried of their fully privatised days ahead. I was told that this is a good retirement haven, but I don't think I am going to treat it as such. So long as the piper keep on playing, I will always move around. *wink*.

Anyway, as first day goes, everything's cool. Although I have not yet my own workstation and laptop, or stationeries to play with, I am told that weeks ahead will be very busy for me. I don't think they have Toastmasters club here. Once I'm settled in, I am going to propose having a branch setup.

After half-a-day, this place feels like being in the uni. Almost everyone (read: Malay ladies) dressed the same, talk and walk the same. I found myself to be flown back in time where I used to be one of them. And oh my, it's just so easy to fall back to those old habits for majority is like that. I hope this time I will be stronger and won't lose my identity. Lucky for me, the job promises hours away from the office. He he he... I sound sooooo terrible.

The upside, is so far the manager I'm reporting to. Still early to tell but I liked her instantly during the interview. Apparently the feeling is mutual (he he he). She's very anxious for me to pick up the knowledge and I hope I won't disappoint her. Most of the new colleagues are amused to know that I used to work with Esabicks before. However they told me my communication won't be direct with them as Pudica works closely with the sub-con.

I kinda like the academia air that this place has. (Is that a calling to go back to school?) The library is awesome! I forsee myself spending time in there. Although I was a bit disappointed I couldn't find titles by Nora Roberts or Paolo Choelo. Ha ha ha... My spirit was also a bit dampen by the fact that I can only borrow a maximum of two books, unlike the permanies where they get to borrow six! But that's okay, I'll make do.

One thing that I need to get soon is an organiser. Can't afford a PDA yet, though it can be really handy, so I'll start the ol' skool way. So, one stop to make on my way back today is the bookstore. I'm thinking Kinokuniya, but that's just too far away, besides I have dinner engagement with NF and SS tonight. Girls' night out! Yeay!

So, will update again soon. Hopefully I will get my own machine by next week. Everyone is in holiday mood that they fail to be a bit more helpful today however friendly they are.

Before I pen off (or.. type off?) I pray to God that He blesses me with His wisdom and light on this new journey, yet another chapter of Jade's life. Ameen.

A Dose of Sex

Six actually... In one morning. Hah! That got your eyes popped out!

"There are a lot of gorgeous women out there in the city. But after a while, you just want someone who can make you laugh"
- Mr. Big, Sex and The City, 2nd Episode, 1st Season.

Auwww... so when can I find my very own Mr. Big? Do I have to wait until I am 30-something like Carrie and wait another six seasons for IT to actually happen? Wait, that means... I must bump into my Mr. Big (gasp!) approximately sometime next year!

I am a women of leisure as of today. For two days only. So, today, as usual, I woke up early in the morning, eventhough I was mentally alert and knowing that I have the whole day to laze around. I just can't. I don't believe it! I'm a creature of habit after all!

I got up from the bed, went to kitchen, soak my laundry, boil water and made my peanutbutter sandwiches. Not necessarily in that order. After 30 minute, I got bored, texted NF to let her know I was going to watch her DVD. She said I was hopeless, the weather was so conducive for sleeping and I couldn't sleep. I replied, "Yeah.. what a bugger.."

So I watched the first season of Sex and The City. The first six episodes. Writing about men, women and relationships are just so fun. I can understand why Carrie Bradshaw did it. You get to learn a lot of things, ones that you already knew, ones that you don't, ones that you don't want to know, etc. Maybe I should have a column of my own somewhere. How do I go about that?

Anyway, a romantic as I am, I believe that there is someone for everyone. It's only the "when" that makes you impatient. And the "who", of course. Duhh. I believe that God will give us one that suits us most, for who we are and who we can be. So, if my someone arrives a little late, it's okay. Because God is fair and He knows what's best for me. I should not worry so much, should I? Accepting that, why am I still feeling uneasy about it? Maybe because I'm just human after all.

I haven't been to New York. I do not know whether KL is anything close to NY. Although judging by the way KLites (duh.) living their lives, I could see some similarities here and there. (Our currency is still far behind though!) Anyway, my point is, being beautiful always has its advantage. Even here in KL. Society is obsessed about a certain standards that are considered as "beautiful".

People always say that intelligence is attractive, but how can you attract someone to talk to you and find that you're intelligent, when you are unable to attract them to talk to you in the first place just because you're not pretty? I tell you, it's a bummer. They say first impression is always important, but you're unlikely to make a good one if you're not at par with the standards. At least.

So, where does that leave ladies like me? Plain. Not beautiful by society's standards. But (ehem!) intelligent nontheless. People, men or women, however they say that beauty is secondary, are attracted to beautiful things. Hey, otherwise I won't be drooling after Mr. Brosnan, eh? BUT, it is a personal choice whether or not the person will give a chance to ordinary people, like moi, to show their attractive sides.

Then, and maybe then, I will find my own Mr. Big.

Blow A Kiss

They say love someone who loves you. Care for the one who cares for you. Give your heart to the one who loves you more than you love them.

But... is it enough?

That's the thing that bugs me. Because, there is no point stepping through that doorway if you'd come to regret it soon after. Or in the long run. I know life is about making choices and you deal with it whether the result is favourable or not. And it IS the biggest gamble, because nothing is for sure.

Love is but an illusion. But it is such a beautiful and warm illusion that you will never let it go. Until you have to. Am I being cynical? Or just untrusting?

An you know why? Because once, I cared for someone who professed to loved me. And once I loved one whom I genuinely love and whom loved me back. Both times ended with tears. So. You tell me. Am I being overly cautious?

It's just so difficult to trust again. And it pains me.

They also say love like you'll never get hurt. I say I'm not willing to chance my heart that way again.

Bad day at work, good day at home

I do not know what I want to write today. I'm feeling a not so nice feeling towards the place that I'm leaving, towards the alleged decision makers. I wonder how the place can survive looking at how business and partnership is done here. Although I'm on my way out, so to speak, I can't help feeling bad and embarassed. It's a reality that I have to face day in, day out whenever I go out to meet the customers.

How can a project manager tells customers that he has a lot of project to handle? How can a project manager gives the reason of lack of resources to his subordinates when asked to allocate at least another person for the project when the said subordinates are leaving? Isn't it a job for a project manager to manage what little resources he has amongst the projects that he acquired? Isn't it a part and parcel of being a project manager to manage multiple projects at the same time? Aren't project managers supposed to manage the timeline and customers and sigining off of user acceptance? Aren't account managers supposed to take care of the vendor-customer relationships besides meeting customers only to ask for payment?

Let me tell you something, there is no such thing as low priority customers. Because at the end of the day all customers are business referrals after all and their satisfaction is what determine whether or not you get a continued income. On top of new business prospects as well. I might not have experience being a project manager or account manager, but one thing that I can say for sure is if you fail making your customers happy, the effect is on you. Image is tarnished. Confidence, lost. Opportunities, missed.

I may not be earning 5 figures, or collecting 6 figures commission, but at least I can be proud that customers are happy working with me and they prefer to talk to me.

Customers concerns should be addressed not put aside just by telling "you don't have to think about that". They are customers after all, they will have questions, they would want to see whether your products meet their needs. And your job is to assure them and let them believe that you're there to make their lives easier and your products will be able to do that.

I am happy to leave this place, looking forward to the day putting the days I spent over here behind me. And to actually wait another week for it to happen feels like a chore. Which in the essence what it is anyway, but it's met with frowns instead of smiles. And smiling while doing my chores is very important to me.

Yes, I am having bad day at work. Worse because I have to postpone my joining the new place to next month. I was looking forward to open a new book next week, but since now it is not possible to leave early, I feel dejected. Looking at the bright side though, I will have about a week's holiday. Which is something I haven't had for so long. Doesn't matter if I lose a week's pay. Clear head is preferable at this moment. And being peaceful inside too.

SS is coming down from Penang next weekend. NF and I have no plans yet; even SS is only thinking of melebam at home only. So, we shall see. Good thing that I have but time in my hands after Wednesday. We are like sisters, the three of us, eversince we became housemates. Granted NF and I have been friends since we were thirteen and we met SS while studying in the uni. SS's leaving earlier this year to pursue new career up north made the place empty for she has always been the fire in our platonic ménage à trois. So, all three of us are looking forward for next weekend for our days in, days out, nights in and out too, I supposed.

On top of that, I might have to decide about the bus ride soon. So, help me God.

Satu lagi lagu best...

Cintamu
Dygta feat. Ira

Cintamu,
Yang kurasa walau tak terucap,
S'makin dalam
Cintamu,tlah terukir di batas cintaku,
Selamanya

Tak pernah kumencoba,
Lepaskan cintamu walau sesaat,
Sejujurnya diriku terlalu sayang padamu
Kuingin s'lalu dalam,
Cintamu

Dan tiada yang kan memisahkan,
Selamanya
Cintamu,
Yang terlimpas, terbias matamu
S'lama ini

Adakah di hatimu,
Terbesit satu harapan untukku
Tuk berjanji selamanya kan selalu milikku

Satu cinta,
Tak pernah kumencoba,
Lepaskan cintamu walau sesaat,
Sejujurnya diriku terlalu sayang padamu
Kuingin s'lalu dalam,
Cintamu...

Get on with it already!

Have you ever received an email that tells you a story of finding that special someone by depicting the scenario of getting on a bus? Where the person kept on waiting for a bus to arrive but never actually got onto one, for fear of missing a better one that would come after the one that had arrived? And sadly in the end, that bus never came.

I believe in fate and destiny. I believe in qada' and qadr. I believe that God has set me on this path to bring me closer to Him. I believe He loves me more than I can imagine. More than I ever show my love for Him. He gives me choices and I choose. He gives me opportunities and I take. He challenges my will and I face them. He loves me.

I know relationships are never smooth sailing. There will always be bumpy rides now and then, rough water to brave through. I am not delusional. I have my feet firm on the ground. I know humans err. I know perfection is only He and nothing else. I know ideals only exist in heavens. Put away those craps about "How to find your ideal partner" or "Is he/she the one?".

We were never meant to understand the opposite sex. That is part of the mystery that keeps you going and attracted. It's the question that drives you and it's the question that brings you together. To adapt from Morpheus's statement to Neo in The Matrix part one. We were meant to accept the differences and the mystery and just plain take care of each other and love one another. And procreate, of course.

So, why is it that fear comes into picture? Fear of getting hurt. Fear of being heartbroken, yet again. Fear is the enemy. It stops you from taking the next step. Fear of getting on this particular bus because you fear the next one will be better. Fear of the unknown. Aren't we supposed to leave the unknown to Him because He is the only one who knows everything?

Thus, do I continue on this road and just see how it goes and where it'll take me? Or should I take the exit and be on another path? Should I take this bus or wait for another to come? If it comes. Choices... choices... Decision.

I was told that to have a majestic love there should be tears, hurt, pain. Along with the laughter, happiness, pleasure I suppose. I know this and I accept this. I also know what I want and hope. And I also believe that God knows best for me. How do I know this is just a test? And how do I know accepting it is right or best for me? Aaaahhh... that is why there is istikharah. And they say they don't want Islam. Cehhh...

Anyway, I digress. So, I guess, I'll just stay on this road and see where it takes me. Maybe the bus will wait for me, eh? Coz, I really can't decide to get on it or not. At least, not yet. I have to conquer my fear.

Dah tengok CINTA?

Sebelum masuk panggung...

Dia tanya, "U tak nak beli tisu?"
Aku pun pandang dia dengan penuh tanda soklan kat muka. Dia pun kata, "orang kata citer ni boleh nangis..."
Aku tergelak sambil kata dengan eksyen nyer, "eleh... tak nangis.. u tengok la nanti kalu tak caya..."


Masa dalam panggung...

"iskk.. alamak... jangan nangis.. jangan nangis.. control Jade.. control..."
Lepas tu... dia genggam erat tangan aku.
"he he he... agaknyer mamat ni pun nangis kot... muahaha..." aku tergelak dalam hati.
Dan air mata aku mengalir...

Bila keluar panggung...
Dia senyum jer kat aku. Tak de pun cakap, "I told you so..."

-----------------------------------------------------------

So, itu semalam. Aku pergi nonton CINTA. Korang pun tau kan, aku sangat sangat jarang tengok filem buatan Malaysia. Bukan sebab sombong atau berlagak atau perasan, cuma aku muak disogok dengan jalan cerita yang tipikal. Cerita-cerita yang aku dah boleh agak apa akhirnya.

Mungkin aku boleh agak apa yang akan berlaku dalam CINTA, tapi kenapa aku masih lagi suka tengok? Mungkin sebab CINTA adalah cerita kau, cerita aku dan cerita mereka. Kau tak nak nangis, tapi kau tak terelak dari tersentuh. Kau tahu ia hanyalah filem, tapi kau masih mengiakan kebenarannya. Dan sebab itulah kau akan mengalirkan air mata.

Ada beberapa adegan di mana dialog pelakon sukar didengari. Sebab pelakon kekadang berbisik. Dan maaf, suara Jacyln Victor menyanyikan lagu Cinta terdengar seperti cengkerik yang begitu memekakkan. Mungkin dia punya taktik untuk mengawal alunan suaranya, tapi sungguh tidak sesuai pada aku untuk dia menyanyikan lagu syahdu seperti Cinta.

CINTA adalah cerita hidup aku, kau dan mereka. Ada suka, ada duka. Ada yang pasti, dan ada kejutan. CINTA buat kau berfikir adakah kau sedang menikmati segalanya yang dianugerah Tuhan padamu. Adakah kau menggunakan masa dengan optimum buat orang-orang yang kau sayang dan orang-orang yang sayangkan kau. CINTA buat kau bertanya samada kau sedang melepaskan sesuatu yang begitu berharga dalam mengejar ketidakpastian yang nyata. Maka CINTA akan membuat kau ketawa, sedih, mungkin mengalirkan air mata dalam diam, berhenti dan berfikir.

Perlu tonton? Kau tak akan mati atau sakit atau kecewa kalau kau tak pergi tengok. Tapi kalau kau mahu sessi apresiasi filem Malaysia, kau pergi la tengok. Kalau cerita ini hanya ditayangkan dekat Gold Class, aku masih pergi tengok. Tapi, kau tak perlu terima apa yang aku cakap, kau tak perlu percaya apa yang aku kata. Kau pergi la tengok.

Dalam kereta...
Dia kata, "I might be wrong, tapi kalau tak silap, they did not say "cinta" once dalam dialog."
Aku kata, "Hmm.. yer kot.. "Sayang" ada banyak kali."

Meow.

Nota kaki: Web dan ulasan filem.

Of Weton and Aries

Galing, I am a Jumat-Pahing kid.

You're a sweet talker with high ideals and a basically honest heart. So what if you're a bit of a spendthrift! You'll earn lots of points with well-wishers who want to see you succeed — even without having to wine and dine them. You seem like such a pushover, lots of folks would never guess how resolute (stubborn?) you can be — or how hot-tempered you get when you've had a bad day!

Although, I don't see myself as a push-over. I make a bad sales person. Ha ha ha... Stubborn, definitely. Wanting my way as I see fit, absolutely. However, I'm open for discussion of best practices and better way of doing things. And if there is, I will surely go for it. Spendthrift, oh yeaa... this is bad, bad, bad... I get quiet when I'm annoyed, because I know if I say what I want about how I feel, things will get worse. You might want to stay away from me when I had a bad day.. hehe.. I can be an ogre.

Azer, I'm not sure why you're turned on by Aries babes. Maybe the fact that they are careful with money? (sheeeshhh!! I sound as if I do this for living! haha...) Anyway, the Arians that I know, both male and female, are good at making/saving money. They can be hard-headed though and want things to be their way.

They can argue about a product that they want to buy, and be irritated with the manufacturer for not creating the product as they want it to be. I kid you not, I just had this similar discussion with an arian lady who wants to buy an MP3 player. She's ticked off because iPod doesn't have a radio and complained that whilts the other players have it, and iPod doesn't, it is more expensive compared to the others. I tried to tell her about product identity, but she doesn't agree. He he he...

Oh! When arians want to buy something, they will do an extensive survey of the choices of products. Brand, specifications, price, etc. They will do they comparison until the eyes bleed. They are careful with money to the point I think they are stingy. Kodokut tak hengat!! Sometimes, it's a good thing, sometimes, it's not.

Arians are attractive as much as they are argumentative. They always want to win. They give people choices to make decisions, but they will be majorly annoyed if the choice made is not similar to theirs. Arians and Aquarians make excellent combination. I should know, my dad is an arian and my mum an aquarian. He he he... My best friend is an Arian.

Another not so nice thing about arians is that they have difficulty in apologising, eventhough they know they are in the wrong. They don't like to be in the wrong and dislike being told that they are as well. Arians are easily annoyed. This may be due to the fact that they want everyone to see things as they do and do things as they do.

If anyone is a pushover, it's arian. They want their questions and confusions answered yesterday. Problem is, they rarely get the gist because they are so set in what they see. Thus, at times, it's a chore to explain things to arians. They will push and push and push until you can suffocate you just want to blow them up. LOL.

I personally feel arians need to take a break, be more laid back and open. Then, maybe they can enjoy a bit more. He he he...

Okay, that wraps up my take on Arians.