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Fuel refill from blinking E for BND10... A little more than half for a Vios. Just... amazing... Haha...

First Night Without Him

My first night without The Hubby saw me reminiscing the night before the akad; and our solemnisation day. :-) Cheesy, I know.

As much as I wanted to sleep early that night, it was just not possible. I am sure it is the same for any bride-to-be. I typed a blog post just before the florist arrived with my wedding bouquet. My clothes were hanged behind the door, frozen in time, ready to be worn.

My heart, it just could not be still. One would think that at this age, there are no more goose bumps or butterflies in the stomach. One would be certainly wrong. I felt those things; images of life before and life in future keep appearing one after another. There was dread, happiness, sadness and gladness. I was a myriad of feelings.

My matron-of-honor was already in la-la land after a tiring session of helping creating the bridal abode. I had the image in my mind of how my room should look like, and I managed to make it happen. Some would say it's too ordinary for a bridal room, but I was not shooting for neither extravagant nor luxurious. Just elegance, inviting with dashes of romance. I believe I achieved it. I was satisfied. Somehow I managed to close my eyes and went to sleep.

And, I woke up earlier than everyone else; with the exception of Mak. I guess, any mother-of-the-bride would also be anxious and restless. Months of preparation only for that one single day. The house was quiet and there was a spiritual moment for me where a voice seemed to be saying; "You are a wife now". A happy tear actually came, and in that magical moment I was enveloped in a sense of security, blessedness and happiness.

I had an early breakfast probably before 7 am. By that time, all my family members are up and about. Making last minute to-dos.

Soon, Zai came to start the "briding" process. Ha ha ha... I love her work. Understated with elegance. Like my other preparation, the nikah and reception dresses were also with simple elegance in mind. They are exactly like the designs that I made; and more.

I remember the fast beating of my heart when I was told that the groom's entourage will be late. I remember feeling annoyed. I remember his voice getting annoyed when he heard my annoyed response. Ha ha ha... I remember too, I forgot a piece of accessory for the dress; a brooch, but was reminded by Sharky, my matron-of-honour. Thank God for that. And realised much later after everything was done that I forgot to wear the bracelet that I carefully selected in Isetan KLCC. Ha ha ha... Imagine my frustration.

I recall my aunties and cousins coming into my room to take pictures. Everyone was praising everything. How beautiful I was. How beautiful the dress and the room. All I took with pinches of salt, because I never can accept praises; however much I want to hear good comments and feedbacks. Well, we have established long time ago that I am complicated, haven't we? :-)

I remember asking where Mak was because I want to take pictures with her. And someone managed to get hold of her and brought her up. There was a moment of sadness as she hugged me, because I suddenly realised that I could not run to her anytime I want to feel those arms comforting my thundering emotions. We were not always on the same page, we don't always agree, but she doesn't have to say anything to make me feel better. Just a kiss or a hug. It is enough. I teared, not cried, because I don't want to mess the make-up. Ha ha ha... yes, I was still logical and practical despite the emotional turbulence.

Finally the groom side arrived. I breathed easier although my heart was easily jumping out of my chest. The moment was getting closer and closer. I also somehow felt closer to the Big Guy up there as I walked down the stairs. My friends were telling me to walk carefully, someone were fussing with my veil; it's a recycled veil. I used the same one during my engagement. It was almost poetic; I wanted Nenet (my late grandma) to be with me...

When I sat down on the pillow, CapalPerak was not yet in the house. Everything was a blur of movement; people taking seats around, people passing the hantaran, people saying stuff. Everything was blurry and buzzy. Until I saw CapalPerak at the door. My eyes were glued on him. He looked so... he's going to hate me saying this; he looked so cute in his garb.

There was a little commotion happening between him, the Qadhi and Abah. Both my mother and I was taken by surprised when Abah delivered the akad. I teared again, because I secretly wished and hoped that Abah would give me away instead of wali hakeem. At that moment, I felt really blessed and everything seemed to fall into places, perfectly. When the affirmation came from the witnesses, I was officially a wife, my heart just go back to its normal beating.

I saw my husband for the first time.

Later, we exchanged our rings and took some pictures. Pictures together. Pictures with our parents. Pictures with aunties and cousins. Pictures with other family members. Pictures with friends. I especially love one of our picture together taken by Napie. The moment was captured correctly. And for the first time in my blogging years, I'm putting up my own picture. :-) Just because the picture is perfect in my eyes.

I am not a perfect person. Neither do I expect perfection. But I believe in being better than yesterday. And it is my solemn hope that every action that I do in a day, makes me a better person than the day before. Life is about learning. And there are just so much more to learn.

It has been a little more than two months. I love you, B. For better times ahead, this is us.

My first night without The Hubby saw me missing him like never before. The big room, with that empty space in the bed next to me, was something really new. It's not "actions" that some of you might be thinking that I miss, it's just the presence. And for the first time in my life, I slept with the bedside lamp switched on...

With that, berakhir lah cerita sayu saya pada hari ini.... He he he...

Our Wedding Song

This song was played as we walked into the hall...





The Last Time (I Fall In Love)
Eric Benet

The first time I fell in love was long ago
I didn't know how to give my love at all
The next time I settled for what felt so close
But without romance, you're never gonna fall
After everything I've learned;
Now it's finally my turn
This is the last time I'll fall... in love

The first time we walked under that starry sky,
there was a moment when everything was clear
I didn't need to ask or even wonder why,
because each question is answered when your near
and I'm wise enough to know when a miracle unfolds,
this is the last time I'll fall in love

Now don't hold back, just let me know
Could i be moving much too fast or way too slow
'Cause all of my life, I've waited for this day
To find that once in a lifetime, this is it, I'll never be the same

You'll never know what it's taken me to say these words
And now that I've said them, they could never be enough
As far as I can see, there's only you and only me

This is the last time I'll fall in love
Last time I'll fall in love
The last time I'll fall... in love

Girlfriend vs You Belong To Me

VS

I am 100% sure you know these songs. The first one is by Avril Lavigne, came out years ago. And the latter is by Taylor Swift who won multiple awards last year; the newcomer.

HAVE YOU NOTICE HOW VERY MUCH ALIKE THESE TWO SONGS ARE?

And I love them both! Yup, me, a 32-year-old. I love both songs. My insides are screaming Avril's but what people see is mostly Taylor's. That's me, people. That's me they are singing about! Ha ha ha...

Avril's song is so direct to the point, so rock chick and so so so fierce that it slaps you in the face. While Taylor's song is the miss goody two shoes, gentle girl-next-door sort that makes your heart go pitty pat. Yes? No? Maybe?

I'm tuning to young adult's mode now. Who said you should lose your inner child. I do my best to nurture my inner child, because it keeps me alive and sane in this crazy world. It might sound dramatic, but I see better, and understand better, when I look at the world with a child's eyes.

Don't believe me? Try it.

WHY NOT?

From Blogging to Relationship Recipe!

I have been blogging since... 2003. After a couple of moves, I finally stick to this one. Those old blogs, they are still around. Today I visited one of them, and reminisced.

What prompted me to do that was... well.. Mr. Hubby again claimed my blog is a bore these days. :-p I'm taking it positively though. He said when I was emotional, my writings were more interesting. And I actually agree!

Those days I was on my own. Free to express my feelings without caring of the world. I was anonymous; except to a select few. I wrote what I felt, I wrote what I thought.

These days, when I do the same, I get a certain emotional comment or feedback, I read a certain post-reply in another blog. It's a little disheartening. And it's amazing how it changes me because my impression of the people I know changes.

We cannot expect people to think or act the way we do. But majority of us a subscribing to this context. I am lucky though that most of my closest friends are like-minded; we travel on the same wavelength. Just because we normally agree with one another, it does not mean we are in denial. Don't we all choose to be with the ones who are most alike to us anyway?

I used to blog because the blog is my online diary; it is where I tell my story. These days I think I blog because people reads it. Writing was like water flowing back then. I never had to think of the most appropriate words for me to use. I just let my fingers running on the keyboard freely as my mind dictated it.

And now I am married.

Yes! I am! However, it slightly baffled me when I realised that there is no way I can say the words; "You will only understand it when you are married". I guess, the universe's secrets were not bestowed upon me when we said "I do"s. I have not gone wiser than before, I don't see any secret windows or undefined rainbow colours, I don't feel different, except I have extra responsibilities; which every one knows, even the unmarried ones! I must have missed something, somewhere...

I guess, in between my daily feelings about the general world as we know it, I will be oftenly be blogging about my married life. Don't worry, I have asked permission from Mr. Hubby to do this. :-p

To my non-muslim and very liberal Muslim friends and readers, a Muslim wife is required to ask permission from her husband to do something. It is not a way to control a woman, it is not in any way defy human rights or freedom of speech. It is a way to keep harmonious and respectful relationship between the wife and the husband. Contrary to popular beliefs, Islam raises a woman's level higher than a man's (you can Google this, I am no preacher).

On my personal note and opinion, just because it is not dictated anywhere that a husband needs to ask consent from his wife to do anything, it's just relevant to do the same; simply because he loves and respect her.

The art of informing your partner on what you plan to do is just so that you are both prepared if there are any changes related to it or God forbid, rumours. It is also as a show of respect to your partners feelings. It protects the trust in the relationship. So WHY NOT do it?

Ha ha ha... suddenly the contents of this post is diverted. Ah-neeway... *smirk* As I was saying, I will be sharing more about my life not because I want to be a show off or just "to be like other bloggers". In a way it's a therapy to me. If it's a bad thing that I'm sharing, it's a way to release my stress or negative energy. If it's a good thing that I'm sharing, it's a way for me to record all the blessings bestowed upon me; a way for me to be more THANKFUL. Blogging shall again be my therapy.

And if along the way someone agrees or disagrees... WHY NOT?

Weekend Recaps!

Alas! The New Project is postpone. Not indefinitely... just until I manage to get the items needed.

Saturday saw us going up the Broga Hill, as such woke up in the wee hours of morning to catch the sunrise uphill. By the time we got home, I was almost sleep walking. And then, it was too late to start breading.

Nice blue sky... It was worth the "leisure" hike!

Sunday... well.. Sunday... I was cleaning up and organising the kitchen, not realising it was past afternoon. As I made heavy breakfast, we had late lunch outside. So, in the end, no breading activity.

BUT! I am happy with the new state of MY (cheeewaaahhh) kitchen. I just need to find a more powerful cleaning agent to scrub the blacken pots and pans. Hmm... any suggestion? I don't think I'll be happy until I can see my reflection on their shiny bottoms! Yes, I'm an*l like that. Do you have any product suggestion?

We are also "battling" ants in the house. A little check with Mel; she is also facing the same situation. So, I can be a little emotional when I see unwashed plates in the sink or glasses left on the dining table.

Almost became like this chick!

Maids, well, we call them once a while. But I think they should stick to cleaning certain area of the house like the kitchen floor, living and dining areas plus the porch. And maybe the next time I really have to monitor how they clean. Because the last time, I was left unsatisfied. Ha ha ha... Don't get me wrong, I am NOT a perfectionist. I just like things to be done in a certain way.

Poor Mr. Hubby, he feels bad that I'm cleaning non-stop. And he has set a commandment. One area at a time. Every now and then he popped into the kitchen asking what he can help me with, but although it'd be great to have someone helping, but I found I needed to do it on my own this first time around. I just cannot explain why. Hmmm... So, apparently while I was busy at the kitchen, he tidied up the living room and folded our clothes. Hi hi hi... I love my husband.

Okay, I shall end this post here, because I suddenly find it very, very disturbing... Hmmm...

New Project!

One of the gifts that we received was this; a Kenwood Breadmaker. My colleague asked me what do I want and because I have this secret dream to be a breadmaker (amongst other things) I asked for this. That, and also because I really do not know what else to ask.

My fingers are itchy to try it out.We've already brought it back home from my parents'. Maybe I'll do something this weekend and see how it turns out. And if it's pretty and edible, I shall blog about it! He he he...

Yes, yes, I know... I am slowly becoming too domesticated... But it's fun, right?