Stupid Mistake

I guess the scariest part in a relationship is when you realize you are all out for it; when you decide to give it all. That’s when your vulnerabilities start to show. At that moment you come face to face with your insecurities. And you’re forced to admit you’re just like the rest of the world; nothing “super” about you. And you’re forced to decide on how to deal with it. It’s a test.

Most often than not, you will fail. Why? Because you chose the option that you already knew was wrong. But you just have to be typical, maybe just this once, be predictable. And then you regret the choice you have made. And you apologise for being so cliché. If you’re lucky, your other half will understand and you two will move on.

I did something similar; something really silly, no doubt. I asked something that I knew I shouldn’t have. I asked about the past and I compared. And when he said that he cares about now and not the past and not my past, it was like a virtual blow to my face. The fact that he understands, just make me feel more like an idiot.

I am thoroughly blessed. My hope is that I am continually blessed.

Yesterday, I was watching True Hollywood Story (THS) on Channel E!. It was about Halle Berry. She said something so profound that I felt kicked on my generous backside. She said, “When you can have an A-day any day you want, without anyone having control over it, you have found the balance you seek…”

So you see it is about us. It comes from within. We have to be in control of our emotions and minds. No one else can decide how the day should be for us, but we ourselves. I am going to print those words and stick it up. I hope it’ll stick to my mind.

Where do I go from here? Forward, of course. And I hope he continues to be there to catch me every time I miss a step and trip. Thank you Boochi-Boo*. I know you know what I know. *wink*

* Endearment used by Angel to call Stitch.