Doakan Yang Terbaik Untuk Kami!

As the day gets nearer, well-meaning friends and family members are offering marital advices and comments and expectations. While some are good to be followed, more than half should be taken with a pinch of salt.

These "words of wisdom" came even before the engagement was finalised. And most often than not, the phrase "you will know once you're married" (dah kawin baru tahu nanti....) will be accompanied. Sometimes it came from people who were just married for a month. Not being arrogant here, but it sounds as if once you're married all the universe's secrets are bestowed upon you...

While I appreciate their thoughts and "word of caution", sometimes it gets so difficult to stay optimistic and stay true to your believe on what relationship should be like. These words of caution can be poisonous when they are repeated time and again. My closest friends would testify that I do ask them (whether they are married or not) for relationship advices and opinions. But I tend to lean for support from people who give good advices, that can really build and nurture the relationship.

Here I list some of the "word of wisdom" given throughout the past year...

• Once you're married, only you will know how the relationship is like
• You must always let the husband win; if you want a long lasting relationship that is (mesti selalu mengalah dengan suami kalau nak berkekalan)
  
• You need to serve your husband because that's what a dutiful wife would do; if not nusyuz! And you know what, I feel happy I can cook for my husband everyday!
  
• Aha! After you're married you're chained! No more boys/girls outing!
• Since your in laws are near by, what's the arrangement like? You need to visit them every week?
  

There are others of course, but I just couldn't recall them at the moment. I tend to put the pessimistic advices behind a locked door...

Any person who gets married with the expectation that there will always be rainbows and laughter and sun, should not get married at all. This is real life lah, if during dating you have disagreements, it's only natural you will have disagreements when you're living together. If you find that your married relationship differs too much than while you're dating, that means your partner (or you) just starting to show your true colours. If either of you had to pretend to be someone else while you're dating, why are you getting married in the first place, pray tell?

While one person or a couple has certain expectations on what married life should be like, they by no means at all should expect other people or couple to feel the same way. Each relationship differs because different people are involved. Although, the essential part which is communication should be a basic trait; never generalised. You might be happy slaving for your partner day-in, day-out, other people might not feel the same way. But that does not mean their relationship is doomed. If they are happy with their arrangement, why do you think your relationship philosophy will make them happier?

Men are always thinking about freedom. So it's just natural to think that once they are married, they cannot see their male friends anymore. This is another generalisation. I have friends who successfully keep their single (and married) friends (both husbands and wives). If you're unable to do the same, you better ask yourself why. Then again, there are people who find it more enjoyable to stay at home with their partners (and kids) and nurture their relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. You do whatever makes you and your partner happy. We are too westernised these days by using the term "chained" and "hooked". If you feel that way, better ask yourself why did you get into the relationship in the first place, let alone getting married!

You might think I sound arrogant, but truthfully I feel far away from that. I'm scared people! I want this relationship to last forever, sampai ke syurga! And pessimistic statements are not the things to help nurture my optimistic preparation towards being a good wife to my future husband. I am not a girl in her early twenties anymore, who sees stars and rainbows and walks by the white sandy beaches when it comes to married life. My feet is firmly on the ground insyaAllah. Therefore my expectations are more realistic and to the heart. I do realise that being married means changing some things, adapting to others. But that does not mean you should lose yourself in the process, right?

I firmly believe that a relationship is about sharing. Not one person dominates the other. I care what advices you give to me. Forgive me if I seem not to listen; that's just me putting your wisdom behind a locked door and throwing away the key.

All I ask is, please pray for good things for Jade and CapalPerak, that our relationship is blessed by Almighty and lasts forever. Doakan yang terbaik untuk kami...