Yesterday, I was... reprimanded by Secret Friend. Secret Friend said from the start of our conversation I sounded so negative. There was nothing positive when I was at work, I was always saying that I'm lazy, sleepy, bored, etc. In short, Secret Friend was bored with my negative vibes.
So much for being positive and exude positivity, huh? Like, duhh...
On a more positive note, even when Secret Friend was 'blabbering' away, I know Secret Friend was right. In fact, right on target. It's pathetic when you have to blame your upbringing, but I know for sure part of who I am today is because of the way I was brought up. Don't get me wrong, my parents are wonderful people. They just have a set of beliefs that they are not willing to compromise. And I, being me, have my own set of beliefs, that a little different from theirs. I will not go into details, suffice to say, there are frictions at times and those sparks generates negative waves and tend to submerge me most of the times, making me one with it.
Anyway, that is why I am doing my best to be positive. And that is why it takes a lot of effort. It's altering my ready-made mindset to a new paradigm. Not easy. When something happen, I tend to have initial feelings about it, I have to balance it on an imaginary scale, ponder upon it, and if the initial feelings were baseless, in other words leaning to negative side of the situation, I will do my best to steer it to the positive side.
I admit, my thoughts are complicated at times. I can be complicated at times. But, I believe I have grown so much these past few years. I have become more... free in the way I think. I am simpler than I was before. Those days, I can be hyper sensitive. Now, I am more relaxed and laid back. I think that's good. I tend to take things as it comes. The past does creep on me at times, I wallow in them for a while, and then I let it go. If it visits me again in future, I'll just do the same thing.
Secret Friend said things will be good for me after this. Everything that I dream before will be a reality. Secret Friend said it might be exaggerating, but slowly things will happen. Although I have that tiny feeling that it might not happen, the bigger me realise it's true. Things are happening for me, for the better. And everytime I think about it, I take a deep breath and everything feels so right. So good. And I'm feeling good.
These are some of the things that I want to do, in the next 6 months. Let's see if they materialise...
Need to lose the jiggly wiggly part of me. Ergo, I'll sign up for gym membership.
I need to do something with my hair. Probably have it straighten. Ergo, salon trip.
I miss home cooked meal. Ergo, once a week, I'll cook at home.
The closet needs new style and colours. Ergo, shopping spree.
I've been neglecting my dainty feet. Ergo, pedicure treat.
Hmm... not bad. I'm sure there are others. But those five are the ones that I can pick from the top of my head. Now, all I need from you bloggies, MOTIVATION and ENCOURAGEMENT.
Check up on me, will you? Hehehe
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