Saying "No"

How many times in our lives do we tell ourselves to be strong and say "NO"? How many times does this decision is actually a war between what you want and what you should do (or shouldn't do)? How many times do you succumb in defeat to your needs and end up saying... "yes" (very slowly and hush hush)? And how many times should we repeat this... mistake? weakness? stupidity? only to carry the burden later... and regret it?

I have come to terms that in life you most often do not get what you want. I have come to terms that life is meant to be lived fully. And that you should cherish every single second of it. Remember when I said I am a selfish person? Today I found out that I'm not THAT selfish (he he he).

Mostly nowadays, friends tell me, just worry about yourself and how you feel. Think naught of others. (don't take this the wrong way. they meant well. at least for my sake.) I tried. Believe me, I tried my bestest. But I found that I couldn't. There are certain bridges that I would not cross. Eventhough I want to. But I've also learnt that I should trust my instinct. The moment my internal alarm goes off, that means trouble. And trouble means pain. And pain means tears. And tears is something that I do not want to indulge in ever again.

One person would say I think too much. But I guess that's just me. It's a value (or curse?) that has been instilled in me since I know right from wrong. "Kita hidup dalam masyarakat" or "Nanti apa orang kata" and the list goes on. What other people think of us is also important. These days I learnt to... filter, what I want other people's thought of me to count and when not to give a sh err... damn (heh!). Mostly we tend to forgot that what matters is what He thinks of us. We tend to value other people's thoughts of us more. But this shall be another post.

So, today, with heavy heart, I have decided. I am going to say "No". Let me be strong tomorrow to say so.