11 days later

I was not a beautiful elegant lady during and after the birth. My face was void of blood, my eyes were puffy, my legs were swollen. The epidural made my legs heavy, ponstan was making me lethargic. Now I understand why French women have their magic potion ready by bedside to be used after the long hours of labor. Clarins has one of those, it’s called Flash Beaute. I had planned to get it, but it slipped my mind once I’m settled at my parents’ abode.

Looking back at my picture with The Hubby and Baby Hana at the hospital, although there was smile on my face, it will always remind me of the experience in the labor room; The Hubby’s face of helplessness, the sharp jarring pain, The Doctor’s encouraging voice, the nurses worried faces, my mom’s anxious looks, then the moment Baby Hana was put on my tummy with The Doctor reciting the Iqamah, Baby Hana’s first cry, Hubby’s voice in my ear while the etonox muddled the pain of being stitched up, The Hubby’s grip on my hand while we watch our baby being examined… The images will flood my mind one after another, overlapping between before and after.

Yes, I did not have an easy first birth. I know some people do. The saying about having big bottoms will have easy birth, it’s a myth. I have big butt (and I’m not lying about it) but well, you know the story. Haih, I hope my story doesn’t scare any mothers-to-be as it’s an experience no women should deny if they have the chance to it.

Let me tell you, the feeling once it was all over. When Baby Hana was put on my tummy, the feeling is indescribable. For me, it was almost similar to the day when The Hubby accepted the aqad. The way you look at this little thing suddenly changed. For 9 months all I could see was a projected image on the screen and pieces of printed photo, but now, here she is. A living, breathing little person, and I cannot help but cried a little. She is so small and she is totally dependant on people around her to love her, to care for her. At the end of the day, all the pain are totally worth it. I did not cry once while I was in pain, but I could not stop the tears when I look at my daughter.

I have a husband. And I have a daughter.

I am still, after one year of marriage marveling at the fact that someone is willing to share his life with me. It still bring tears of humility and happiness whenever I think about it. And now I have another miracle bestowed upon me. My very own child. Every time I look at her, all trusting and full of wonders, I could not help but thank Allah for giving me this chance. I don’t mind if this is the only one, for I am determine to raise her right, insyaAllah. Quality over quantity, that’s my take.

Tomorrow is our first check-up with the doctors after the delivery. I’m so looking forward to be out there, and breathe the polluted air! Ha ha ha… Baby Hana has appointment with her paed, I hope she will stay an angel that she is. He he he… wishful thinking eh?

Owh, my next post I guess, will be about this confinement period and how I’m handling it. ;-)