Second day

Today is the second day in the new environment. And I'm kissed by influenza.

Six months back, I saw myself growing and experiencing new things. Today, unlike many times before when I step into a new mileu, I can't see myself anywhere. This disturbs me. Several months back I was excited and alive, even when I was hit by an unexpected storm, I was still hopping around. Today, I do not have the energy anymore. Maybe it's the flu. Maybe, I'm changed by the surprising turn my life has taken.

One thing has not changed though. There are too many things in my mind. And you say, "who doesn't?". Quite true. Quite true.

I find myself thinking of the things I want in life. At the moment, what I crave most is companionship. I miss having someone that I can talk and laugh and share my day with. I miss the blissful feeling. It is not even easy to indulge with a-moment-in-time kind of relationships because that's just not me. It's not enough. Neither is it fulfilling. Spending time with friends now is not as wholesome as it used to be. Maybe, I've grown up.

And I'm also tired of being the rebound girl. :-p Apparently, I help people to realise what they really want in life, I've become a catalyst for a man to make decisions. Ha ha ha... Sounds corny. And lonely.

My head is spinning, my mind is wondering. They say one who doesn't hope, doesn't live. But hopes always get destroyed, wishes get banished, dreams get shattered. It is sad to realise that I go back to the rut I was in just not too long ago. Half year back I was excited, optimist. Today, I'm broken and feeling like a loser.

And it seems as if I cannot climb out from this pit I'm in. Any ideas?