Live and be alive!

I found the reason of my restlessness. Not self-induced apparently...

claus·tro·pho·bic (klo-str&-'fO-bik) adj.

1. a. Relating to or suffering from claustrophobia.
b. Uncomfortably closed or hemmed in.
2. Usage Problem. Tending to induce claustrophobia; uncomfortably confined or crowded: a claustrophobic little room

I went down to the ground floor, step outside form the building and I felt a little relieved. But I found it was not enough and I need to see more space.

So I went up to the top floor of the building. I was actually looking for the exit to the roof top, but they bolted the emergency exit. Luckily, the top lobby has a huge glass window over looking PJ area. And comforting enough, I could see my apartment block from afar...

I recently realised that I cannot handle working in an office environment anymore. I want to be out there meeting people, making things happen. I've always known that I like the idea of being mobile. Travelling here and there, thus I envy those people whose work actually take them around the globe. And I wait patiently for my turn to come.

I found out that I cannot just wait, I have to do something to make it happen.

Oddly enough the knowledge of commitments that I have at the moment does not deter me from wanting to do what I really want. I believe, that is the power of positive thinking. I know that the ride will get a little rougher at first, but I have that positive kick that things will turn out for the better if only I dare to take that first step.

Today I asked few people who are closed to me. One person told me to go ahead and quit my current job when I said I feel like quitting. Another said, go for the money and everything will fall into place when I said I feel restless about what I want to do. Best friend said I should still think about long term and not the spur of the moment because she knows I don't like routine. And roomie said since she's a fun person herself I should opt for that as long as I keep in mind that I cannot be idle. My beloved cousin said if I really want to do this then we are going to have to talk and remember to collect as many contact as I can while I'm at it.

I'm yet to ask my parents, whose opinion matters most to me, actually.

Anyway, opinions aside, I have more or less made up my mind on what to do. The fact remains that I just need assurance that I'll be financially stable whatever I decide. Yes, money is important to me. At least at the moment, since I don't have enough of it. But then again, it will never be enough, isn't it? So, I would say, at the moment, the drive is, monetary. Side benefit being I am able to enjoy what I'm doing.

I came across this site today... www.artofliving.org from an NST article here. This organisation offers courses to handle stress through its "The Art of Living" course.

Imagine, our generation has been reduced to the extend we need to be taught to live again. I think this contradict my earlier saying up there. You know, where I said I'm interested in the money? Hmm.. But the fact remains that without money you won't be able to do a lot of things. Even relationship hardly ever win against the money issue.

"Through out our lives we learn many skills reading, writing, science, music and art but very few of us have actually learnt the true Art of Living. We are rarely taught how to handle our negative emotions - anger, depression, stress. Yet, the quality of our life depends upon the quality of our mind."

Actually, that is quite true. Although spritually, we already know what we are supposed to do. Our "commune session" with our Creator is actually one way to release stress, to nullify that negative vibes around us. In fact, there is already scientifically proven research where solat jamaah actually helps to neutralise, or more apt, balance the negative and positive ion in our bodies. In fact, there is this blissful feeling after you finished the salaam. Isn't it?

Anyway, I also believe we should learn other ways to improve the quality of our being. There are many ways and I'm sure each of us has our own personal ways to deal with ourselves when things get too hectic to handle. I know some people who meditates, some who go for a run, some who scream at their utmost lung capability and some who just sit quietly pondering the world around. Some people write, sing and some just babble away. Some drink coffee. It's personal.

Words cannot capture existence, but Silence can...