On Hitz.FM

This morning, the DJ gave out some tips to guys.

1. The number one question that you should never ask a woman:

"Have you gained weight?"

Reason: Because women ALWAYS know that they have gained some extra pounds. So never ever point it out.

2. When asked the question, "Do I look fat in this?", always answer:

"Dear, the dress do you no justice!"

and quickly start talking about anything else.

Now, it's funny when you hear it the first time, but then, when the hillarious air subsided, a question formed in my head. Why are we, women, so obsessed about the extra pounds? Believe me, I am no different. Part of it because I am worried about it, part of it because it seems like the IN thing to be worried about my lovehandle.

There is an answer for the question that applicable for all though. We are influenced by the notion of "beauty". Now, lets be honest with ourselves, we give each other excuses like "to stay healthy", "to stay in shape", etc etc, but it all boils down to one common understanding. We want to look pretty. As what the standard mass acceptance. Slim without jiggly wiggly, without 'unsightly' bulge, is pretty. It is never wrong to look pretty. It boost up our confidence. And it also, helps to hold our 'loving' partner on our side. They will have no reason to look elsewhere.

Now, there is a saying, when a man loves a woman, he looks pass the physical attributes. May I say, this is a bull dunk? NO WAY! Humans are naturally attracted to pretty, pleasant looking things, pleasing to their eyes. First impression is always physical. So does the second, third, and so on. With other additional attributes as you move along. But appearance, matters. I learnt that first hand, accepted that. There has to be physical attraction, then, and only then can there be the second step. Oh, women, we are the same. We also put physical attractiveness as one of the priority. Probably, we give some allowance in certain cases, we are more... gentle in that sense. But the fact remains, we also go for the eye candy. Think Joe Black, Angel the Vamp and.. urmm.. Balthezar/Cole in Charmed? Ahhhh....

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, there's nothing wrong in wanting to look good. In fact it's great that we have the inclination to look better. BUT let's not be too obsessed about it, shall we? I mean, look at the tips in Hits.FM. They have to prepare an answer, a standard answer, just to avoid being in a sticky position. This is not being sincere. Both sides has to be. The man and the woman. The one who's doing the asking, and the one who's answering.

Why did we ask in the first place? Just so that we get a pleasant answer to make us feel good? Wouldn't it be more exciting and pleasing when we're complimented without we're giving out hints or prompting the other person? Or did we ask because we want to 'trap' that other person? Oh... we wouldn't be so cruel, would we.. Don't do that. It's not nice.. He he he...

It won't hurt a bit if we bite our lips to hold the thoughts to ourselves, stop ourselves from asking. On the other hand it won't hurt either GUYS, for you to come out with sincere compliments for your spouses. Be a little more... empathic towards each other. Come on... a real man would be able to do that. ;-) And if we can do this, there wouldn't be a need for radio stations or magazines to come out with suggested answers to dangerous-questions-in-a-tricky-situation.

Oh, I want to raise something on magazines, tv and ad companies also. Inside, they have this articles of love thyself, thy body, thy skin, thy colour and the whole lot. But, the pictures! The cover, the advertisements. Come one people, let's not be a hypocrite. If you are all for people loving themselves, let's be more realistic in conveying the message. You have an article about loving yourself for who you are, but on the next page, oh, straight hair is beautiful, tame your wild curls! the power of whitening! fair like a goddess. Stop all this lah, will you? When can people start loving themselves when you're giving out mixed signals like that? Do you know that in some parts of India, they rather die than having dark complexion? I'm not making this up, I read it in NST some time back.

So, loose those inches people, but don't starve. Use that whitening cream, but don't expect to be fair like Paige Halliwell. Do the hair but rejoice its natural beauty. I think, I have come to terms with my natural state, that I feel far superior than those of shelf products result. Oh, I may grumble and complain that I lack this, and have more of that, but.. well, that's just part of being a woman, isn't it? Hehe... I may not be the next Miss World, but I am who I am, love me, hate me.

When the going gets tough

Often, I'd reflect what I did and said in the past. And then I asked myself whether or not I was in the wrong. In fact, I do this everyday. Sometimes the guilt eats me until I could not breathe. I get scared. And I want to apologise. In most cases though, I should not. Apologise. Because I have to think about myself, and it is for my own good. I, however, may apologise for the delivery. Not the content.

I used to put other people feelings more than I put mine first. I would rather be hurt and unsatisfied and sad, than inflict those feelings in others. I was the true matyr. But, then, I realised, I could not go on with my life if I were to put others ahead of me every single second of my breathing life. Others will live, but I will die. Slowly. From the inside. When you're dying inside, your smile will not warm the world, your words are no song to the ears and your touch feel cold to the skin. You're slowly disappearing from the living.

And so, I grew up. Today, I am more selfish. I still think of others, but not to the expense of my feelings and my being. I put myself first. If I cannot flourish, how can I get others to bloom as well? I, myself, need to know the path. Then and only then I can guide the rest.

Some may think I've become harder. I am more a rebel. But I see myself as a fighter, instead of just a contender. I will not be satisfied with second best anymore unless there is no other choice. As long as I am able to make new things happen, I will. So long as I am allowed to choose, I will. No one other than myself should be able to decide on that. Yes, I may seem harsher, but I want things to be good too. Can someone be an idealist and a realist at the same time?

I have my failings. I have my share of mistakes. Tonnes of doubts. And believe me, quite low self esteem. My secret friend said to me, I tend to write brilliant things but speak stupid things. That is quite true. :-) I find it easy to express myself here. I see not the face who're judging me, and even if they do, I do not care. I need more courage, and my secret friend is helping.

Dear secret friend, you are the positive vibes in my life. And I treasure you for that. Even if you should go and never look back, you shall always have that special spot in my life, in my heart. Truth is, none has ever have an absolutely trust and believe that I could make it. But knowing you, I can see the path clearly. And to tell me that you feel that I'm going to make it, makes me feel the same way too. And it is not just a dream anymore. I'm bloody well on the road to it. At the very least, at the beginning of that road. I hope so much that you would always remain by my side for as long as we shall live. You have brought the new meaning of thinking positive and accepting good things that people say about myself without wondering whether or not they are sincere. Thank you so much.

Having said that, at the end of the day, I know I have to rely only on myself. Done is the day I rely and put hope on other people. I have to move on, and make things happen myself. It's good to turn back once in a while, but what's in the past should remain in the past. Today I lay my ghosts to rest, never to wake them up again. Today I shall be stronger than yesterday and look forward to new and greater things. Today, the ghosts will remain memories and I shall smile everytime the thoughts of them come visiting. Today, I shall carve that new path and never look back.

So people, if you're with me on this new road, face your demons, settle the unfinished business, and lay them to rest. Move on and be glad that those demons enrinched our lives and make us who we are today. Be proud that we are brave enough to face that of which we fear most.

"Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace"
Amelia Earhart (1897 - 1937), Courage, 1927

Life is an essay

Our lives are full of questions. It's up to us to find the answers. More often that not, we won't like the answers. And the truth always hurt. Thus, do we want the answers to those questions the second time if we are given the chance to relive the moment? Will we be braver the second time around? What good is second chance if you know the answers will be the same? But, do we know for sure on that? Will we mind being second best? Can we settle for second best? And I'm not only talking about a partner. Come on people, just because I wrote mushy stuff for several postings... :-P

When you look at life objectively, you tend to be disappointed or frustrated when it doesn't go your way. I used to think that way. And then... I grew up. Life is subjective. Granted we cannot see the future, that much I've accepted long time ago, but I'm referring to our expectations. When we have fixed expectations, we see things and our surroundings definitely. It's good and we are supposed to have goals and objectives in life, but it does not have to be the definite future. We have to be able to manouvre, adapt to the changes and accept the shortcomings.

When we see life subjectively, anything can happen. That is why the Wright brothers could fly, and Sir Franklin found electricity. We see things differently, we view life differently. And we will wonder the greatness of the Creator.

But then, that's just my two cents... ;-)

Ancient Wisdom for Modern Living

It is very apt that I found this in my inbox this morning... and I like to share it with you.

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7 Steps to a Harmonious Life

Adapted from Love In the Palm of Your Hand, by Ghanshyam Singh Birla (Inner Traditions, 1998)

Simple Solution

“Yesterday is only a dream and tomorrow is only a vision; but today, well-lived, makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope.”

--Sanskrit text

Here are seven concrete steps that you can take to bring about positive change. Based on ancient Hindu wisdom, these steps can help anyone to begin exercising their free will constructively to create a better, happier, more fulfilled life.

Find out the seven steps to more harmonious living, here:

Remember, it can take time before a conscious mode of behavior filters into your subconscious and becomes automatic.

1. Breath

It is your breathing that gives birth to your thoughts. The breath, without which you cannot even exist, is necessary to transform an idea into a living reality. Deep breathing indicates healthy lungs, which in turn manufacture prana, the subtle form of breath or life force, responsible for giving you strength and energy.

2. Thought

Deep, balanced breathing--in which the cycle of inhalation and exhalation is effortless--creates a state of inner calm in which clear, objective thinking can occur. You can become more focused on the immediate issue without losing sight of the greater context.

3. Action

Once you are able to think clearly about a situation or a problem, you will know how to act. You will be able to discriminate between what you want and what you need, between attraction and love, and between what is really good for you and what is not.

4. Habit

Repeated appropriate actions create a positive habit. While these actions may require conscious effort at first, over time they become second nature.

5. Character

Habits provide the foundation of your character. Once a series of repeated actions becomes unconscious habit, you realize that you have begun to change your past tendencies.

6. Behavior

Your behavior reflects the changes in your character. Others will perceive you as wiser and more loving.

7. Circumstances

With a more positive attitude and behavior, the circumstances of your life will improve. You’ll find greater harmony in your work, in your personal relationships, and in your spiritual life.

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One of the most courageous things you can do is identify yourself, know who you are, what you believe in, and where you want to go. -- Sheila Murray Bethel

Come to stay

I'm tired. Tired of pretending that everything is okay. Tired of smiling when my heart is crying. Tired of believing when I can see the truth is fading. Is this what real life really about? If it is, I will gladly continue dreaming. Don't wake me up while I'm sleeping. Let me be.. Let me be..

The sun shines when you're near me, but hides behind the cloud when you're away. The birds don't sing when you're gone, even the breeze refuses to caress my cheeks. The days seem slower, and every step is a drag. I may be alive to the naked eyes looking at me, but inside it feels like I'm dying slowly.

Come back, come home. I can't seem to function without you. If this is love, I rather not have it. If this is lust, I rather not burn with it. But I do not know how to get away from it. You're inside me, in every blink of my eyes, in every breathe that I take. Your soul is within me. How can this be? Am I flowing inside you too? Do you feel how I feel when we're apart? Or is this just my mind playing the effect that all those romance books have to mortals?

I am myself when I'm with you. The curtain of pretense is dropped when I talk to you. My eyes smile when they see you, my heart beats its pleasant rhythm when we're together. My skin tingles even before we touch, my head is light and my troubles seem so far away.

Come back, come home. The song does not play when you are far away. The perfume lost its scent for you're not here to stay. The arts lost it beauty day by day. There is no pleasure in everything I say.

Come back, come home. For I will you to stay.