When The Baby Cries

I have not blogged for quite a bit. I started work after a long leave, and my boss gave me at least three major tasks to do. Well, three projects to be exact. Two of which more like a garbage cleaning activities. I am happy, to have something to do at work. And I believe I’ve proven that I have influence and do a great job, when I managed to call for a meeting that even my boss was unable to achieve.

Anyway, I am not blogging tonight to talk about me. More, as expected, I am going to talk about my daughter. I believe her separation anxiety comes very early. The first day I went back to work, she was already expecting me back home by 4p.m. This was because during the “trial” run, I left home around 10 a.m. and came back before she woke up from her afternoon nap. On that first day, I came back around 7p.m.

Thankfully, she was just sobbing a little and hugging me as tight as her little arms would allow. And I was able to console her quickly.

Today, however, she cried inconsolably. I arrived home about ten minutes before 8 p.m. I knew I would be late, when I could not drive 200 metres after 5 minutes. I called home and told my brother that I would be late. It took me about an hour to get her to calm down. An another hour for her to start smiling and communicating with me.

I could not stand listening her crying, it breaks my heart. But I guess, this is something that I will be facing until she really understands what’s going on and why her Mami could not be home at the same time everyday. I do my best to be home by 7p.m. every day.

My daughter always wake up with a smile in the morning. I don’t fancy her going to bed with a tear or a sob. I’ve only started to put her back into her cot at night since last weekend. She had been sleeping in the big bed since the first night The Hubby is away. I’ve gotten used having her beside me. But, I also know it is not right to change the habit that we have trained her since she came to us. Thankfully, there was no drama putting her back into her cot. I am tempted to have her sleep beside me tonight, out of guilt on my part. But, no, she is sleeping now, peacefully in her cot.

When people ask me, I am telling the truth by saying that she’s an angel baby. Easy baby. And by the book. Even Mak agrees that taking care of her is a breeze, until her routine is disturbed. For example when her sleep time is interrupted by visitors. Then, it will be a challenge to get her settled down again. Baby Hana sleeps through the night these days. She sleeps the 5-hour stretch and only wakes up once for her feed. The next feed will be in the morning, when the sun comes up. Alhamdulillah, it’s easy on me too.

Maybe I could not see how my eyes light up when I watch her, or how my voice gets a little excited when I talk about her. But it is true when people say you will only understand the feelings of a parent once you hold your baby in your arms. It’s surreal.

Owh, I still breastfeed her. I am not concerned that I don’t produce double digit ounce like other mothers. Because I believe that I produce enough for what Hana needs. I will blog about this another time. For now, I am to bed.

Hubby, I am missing you extra today.