The Week That Was…

One week ago today, I was slowly recovering from the fright.

WARNING: LENGTHY POST AHEAD…

Just a day after her 11-month birthday, my daughter was admitted to KPJ Tawakal for lung infection. Two days before that, I was at a project kick-off, where I was about to deliver the afternoon workshop, when I received a call from The Hubby, they were on their way to the ER. Little Princess was not doing well. She had  fever over the weekend, but was fine on Monday. Little that I knew, it will be the start of emotional journey for me and the rest of the family.

Upon receiving the call, I told my colleagues I have to leave, and passed the presentation to my Account Manager. While driving, my heart is beating furiously, thinking what could’ve gone wrong. She only had fever, that went up and down, yes, and a little coughing. When I arrived in the ER, the nurses were sponging my daughter, and she was crying looking frightened. It broke my heart. I immediately picked her up from the examination table and hold her tightly close, whilst the nurses kept on sponging her. I later told the nurse, I’ll do it myself while nursing her. I did not let myself cry, not yet.

We went to see her paed half an hour later. She ordered blood test and urine test. The look in my little princess eyes.. while the nurse wrapped her in the blanket to hold her still to draw blood… I couldn’t get it off my mind. She looked at me with a question, “Mami, what are they doing to me?” I had to hold my baby down while the nurse drew blood from her. I did not let myself cry, not yet. Held her close immediately after it finished. Once out from the room, I could not hold myself back any longer. While comforting my daughter, with istighfar and tasbeeh non-stop… I cried. And cried. The Hubby hugged me, but still I cried.

We were at the lab area for more than an hour, waiting for Little Princess to pee, but she didn’t. So the doctor asked us to come back to her room. While there, my baby peed, and the urine was sent to the lab. Her blood had traces of bacteria according to the doctor. So she prescribed antibiotics, and I do not want her to stay in the hospital much longer. We went back. It was Tuesday.

Wednesday, I stayed at home, looking after her. She was well. Laughing and playing. All day long. Just the two of us. It was her 11 month birthday. Then that night, she started to act differently. Her breathing was heavy, and when giving her water to drink, I felt as if the water came out through her lungs… I tried not to worry, for she slept soundly. In the morning, she seemed very quiet, not quite herself. She just wanted to sleep and lie down. Her breathing was  still heavy. I called her paed, and she advised me to bring her in.

It was Thursday. And this is where my nightmare really started…

There was no room available to admit Little Princess. I was beside myself. I couldn’t quite control my emotions. My baby was turning blue, and they would ask us to wait??!! But I know, oh I know the nurse was trying her best to get any available room. There were rooms should already been available, because the patients were discharged, but they still hadn’t check-out, taking their own sweet time to get their asses away from the hospital. Such selfishness! Such stupidity! Such heartlessness! No caring whether other people would die out of their careless actions! The paed did not even want to look at my baby, but she looked worried. She lost a patient before, maybe there were myriads of worry running through her head… We finally managed to get an adult VVIP room.

My baby was not doing well. That’s what the doctor said. Her condition had worsen. She ordered an x-ray. Again, I was with Little Princess throughout. Held her down, assuring her that everything would be fine. Reciting dua close to her little ears, while she hold on to me with her frail hands and frightened eyes. Ya Allah… only you know how I feel inside, please, please let my baby be fine… Please make her stronger… Please make her brave… I couldn’t stop pleading, and pleading… I have no power at all to make my baby better. Only He does. He can help, and He will help me!

They put her on oxygen then. She had drip in her little hand. Pumping water and antibiotics into her little body. Ya Allah… seeing this tiny little person with all the wires around her… She also had a sensor around her little toe that tracked her oxygen level and heartbeat. And my baby, she had very little energy, just lying there. I slept beside her in that big hospital bed. We had to move rooms three times before we finally had a single room to ourselves.

I kept on thinking… I just started sending her to the daycare. Only 3 days the week before. And she’s already like this? What did I do wrong? Where did I miss it? The Hubby told me not blame myself, and portioning the blame will not make our baby better. He was right of course, but what have I not done enough?

Friday, when the doctor came in the evening to check on Little Princess, she looked… relieved. The antibiotics were doing their job. But my baby still needed the oxygen tube on. Owh… I haven’t told you about the first physio session…

Friday morning, I brought her for physio session. I was prepared for the first part, but not the second, eventhough the physiotherapist walked me through it. I was not prepared for the tiny tube to be inserted into my baby’s nostrils and mouth! No! But I knew I couldn’t stop it. In fact, in one occasion, I helped to open my baby’s mouth, because she was clamping it tight. Ya Allah, make me strong! inwardly I screamed… The moment it was finished, I held her tightly, held her, and held her. They wanted to put her straight to the drip, but I said no. I wanted my baby to have what normal moment she could before she’s confined back to the bed.

You can say it’s normal for babies going to the daycare to have infection or to be admitted. But I still say NO. It’s not normal for these little people to be confined to hospital beds with tubes around them. NO! NO! NO! A thousand times NO! They should be healthy. Happy little people, running around enjoying their lives! You may say it’s normal for your baby, if you want to. But not for me. Never for me.

Little Princess had three more physio sessions before she was discharged on Sunday afternoon. Yes, she was discharged on Sunday. But it was an emotionally harrowing four days of my life. The hospital walls closing in every single day, I though I would go crazy. Ya Allah, please, I don’t ever want to go through this experience again. Ever.

On Saturday, I was supposed to go to the induction session for my MBA course, but I didn’t go. I thought that would be my escape for a little while from the hospital. But owh… the words a loved one could say to make you feel really bad about yourself. I felt awful, I was the worst mother in the world for wanting to be away from my baby, just a little while. Ya Allah, forgive me. Hana, forgive your Mami for being so weak. I am so sorry for even thinking that I’d the rights to escape. Everyone else came and went back. Even The Hubby could leave the hospital to get a change of clothes, etc. But no, not the Mami. Mami had to stay.

My Little Princess is recovering well. She’s almost 100% back to herself. No more coughing since yesterday, Alhamdulillah. She had to continue a course of antibiotics, and finished up the antibiotics that was prescribed to her in the hospital the past week. She’s filling up back the fats that she lost in that week that she was unwell. Every time I saw her ribs and legs and hands these past two weeks, I couldn’t help but cry. She’s not a plump baby, thus she looked really frail without the fats on her body.

Needless to say, no one would be able to understand what I felt, except for a mother, except for a woman. For we have this tiny part of us that Allah SWT has given to us and only us. And this feeling that you feel, once you’ve seen your child in that way, it will never go away.

O Allah, thank you for making my daughter better. Thank you for listening to my prayers. You only test me with tests that You know I could go through and not more than that.

7th day of Syawal

I am falling into a routine. Go to work, come back and attend to The Baby. Sleep, night feeds, sleep, wake up, go to work.

I hate routine.

So many things on my mind, so many things I am planning. Can’t stop processing.

Work has been good so far. Group mates asked for my blog address. Here’s hoping that they will read with open mind and should I write anything about office, they’ll take it with pinch of salt. Like I said, read at your own perils. LOL.

I need a change. I am due for hair trimming. Need to find a new stylist, since my old one is in the old office building. And I am getting emotional with the way my hair is behaving. Times like this, wearing tudung is so much easier. And a very wrong reason to wear it too! The Hubby is on leave for the next two weeks. Lucky him! But, he deserves it, after those early mornings, long days and late nights for the past month. I am glad that we’re back to being a unit.

Syawal has been a little blah for me. Such experience, having to prepare The Baby before preparing myself! That is the fun part. I have also come to a conclusion that the ones that matter most are my own family. The rest of the world, they can bungee jump for all I care. My priorities now are my own family; The Hubby and The Baby, my own family and The Hubby’s. The extended family… is just that, extended. Still love them, but no longer sits at first 15 seats. And I am done pleading so that I can join the fun. I have redefined my version of fun. That is with my own family members.

At work, I have been asked by The Director and The Manager to come out with process improvements for the current project. This project has been around for so long that the project managers are more like coordinators than project managers. I don’t claim to know everything that I will be able to turn the table around within months to make things better, but I will do my best to ensure it happens! I am faced with some adversity, but I am prepared to the challenges, insyaAllah. It might not be in the other people’s performance review, but it is in mine! So, by hook or by crook, I will get the things done!

It has been a month. Time flies. I feel pressed to make an impact. I am starting my day with positive vibes. Even when I hear or see unpleasant things, I do my best to control the state I am in, and shift the energy to better ones as much as I can. I do not come from zero, and without knowledge. There is a reason why I am here, and why I am being charged to do what I do. So I am going to do it. After all, work is work, and that’s the purpose I am here. It is not a matter of life and death. I vow never to make work a reason to alter my composure for the worse. I must always remember that when people are being defensive, it is because they feel weak or they fear the unknown. I on the other hand, should not play the same game.

I know now, that I must strategise. I dare to be different, therefore I am. So, bring it on!

Sydney Trip Recap

Baby Hana is an excellent travel buddy. Maybe it’s her age that makes her agreeable. Or maybe it’s her genuine sunny disposition. Or maybe she’s in tuned with the surrounding and knows that it’s only her and her Mommy travelling; so she goes easy on me. :-) Whatever the reason is, I am thankful and relieved that it went so well and needless to say, painless.

The flight time to Sydney coincide with her morning nap, so that’s a plus. Alhamdulillah. I nursed her immediately when I settled on my seat, while everybody else was boarding. My seat was an aisle seat, in the middle row. No, there was no bassinet. However, I highlighted to the FA and hoped for the best. I told her that I do not mind sharing the bassinet or if there’s none, at least an empty seat next to me. What I got was, both! She managed to secure a seat with bassinet and the seat next to me was unoccupied. Alhamdulillah. Flight was full with parents with toddlers and young children. And as what Sharky told me, most of them have exceed the requirement for getting bassinets. :-)

Baby Hana slept most of the time on the plane. I managed to catch two movies! Sometimes when I saw her turning her head left and right, I just massage her ears a bit, in hope that it might relief the discomfort. Maybe it did, because she settled to sleep again.

We didn’t went around much in Sydney. On Saturday after we arrived, The Hubby brought us to walk around the market in The Rocks near Circular Quay. On Sunday we went to Hyde Park and Darling Harbour. Then the next Saturday before we left, we went to the Taronga Zoo. Weekdays were spent indoors; Baby Hana had a little flu. That experience is priceless to me, because it really gave me the confidence that I can take care of my daughter on my own. :-)

Days were short, nights arrive early. The Hubby is a little disappointed that we could not go out for dinner. And sad for us because we didn’t get to sight seeing. Honestly, I did not mind at all, since my intention to go there was mainly to visit him and let Baby Hana get re-acquainted with her Bapak.

On the flight back, Baby Hana opted to be awaked most of the time and talk. Yes, talk. She smiled and laughed a lot. And sleep for half an hour or so every time. I think the longest was only about a little more than an hour.

The most radical changes that I noticed ever since we went to Sydney was her sleeping time; now she sleeps less during the day, short naps is more accurate to describe it. She sleeps longer during the night. She is also more conversational now. She gurgles and chuckles and smiles and laughs. She babbles a lot. Once, I think it was our second night in Sydney, she babbled to sleep! And The Hubby had it on record! Now, she can really sleep on her own. I can put her in bed, and let her go to sleep by herself.

My baby is growing up fast, and I am feeling my age more. And I wonder, when the next change will be. :-)

My 1st Wordless Wednesday

 

 

 

NOTE: All pictures and graphics from various internet sites. I don’t own them.

Her Routine

Baby Hana’s day is pretty much a routine these days. I know this might change anytime, especially during the growth spurts, but, at least for now, it’s more or less predictable. Just don’t interrupt her nap times, then she’ll be a little cranky. (I can see The Hubby smiling and say “sounds like someone I know…” :-p ).

02:30 Midnight Snack
02:45 Continue sleeping
04:30 Morning Feed
04:45 Continue sleeping
07:30 Breakfast
08:00 Bath
09:00 Morning nap
10:30 Snack time
10:45 Sleep
13:00 Lunch, change clothes
14:30 Afternoon nap
15:30 Snack time
16:00 Sleep
18:00 Dinner, bath
19:30 Nap
20:30 Supper
10:00 Sleep

Normally this schedule will have variations of 30 minutes to an hour. Baby Hana dictates it herself. And I accommodate her as long as her sleeping time at night is between 10pm to 11pm. If she sleeps at 11pm, she will skip the midnight snack at 2:30am. Even is she wakes up, it’s usually less than 5 minutes, feed a little and she just go back to sleep. She’ll continue sleeping even when I’m changing her diapers. :-)

I breastfeed her for breakfast, and sometimes after her bath where she just falls asleep. When I come back in the evening, that will be around 7pm I will usually breastfeed her before her nap. Night time is breastfeeding session all the way. She only takes EBM* from my mother. She will reject any attempt from me. I only managed to gave her EBM once, and that I believe was because she was too sleepy, too hungry to argue! Ha ha ha… She feeds about 3oz to 4oz during major feeds and 1oz to 2oz during snack time.

I normally express twice at work, and bring back around 8oz to 10oz everyday. Morning expression yields around 8oz to 10oz. Therefore, there is always about 16oz to 18oz at home. And I really belief that a mother produce what her child needs for a day. Because, regardless how much I bring back, it’s usually enough for Baby Hana for the day. My frozen stock, they are still frozen. She rejects thawed EBM and only take it when she’s really hungry. I do not plan to go outstation until she’s six months old. So, I belief we will be okay with the current arrangement. :-)

I plan to breastfeed her as long as I’m able to until she’s two years old. The Hubby pretty much let me decide on this, as he says it’s up to me. You can tell from this post that I’m an advocate of breastfeeding. As long as a woman is able to do it (special condition is exceptional), I belief she should. I know mothers who really love breastfeeding their children, but had to stop early either because the milk stop flowing or because of medical condition. I’m sure there is hikmah for everything, so must belief He knows what’s best for us. Don’t be sad.

Someone asked me how to increase milk production because hers is dwindling, and her child is younger than my daughter. I don’t do any special extra thing, I just make sure I drink a lot during the day, and drink milk (when I remember!), and watch what I’m eating. InsyaAllah.

* EBM – Expressed Breast Milk

When The Baby Cries

I have not blogged for quite a bit. I started work after a long leave, and my boss gave me at least three major tasks to do. Well, three projects to be exact. Two of which more like a garbage cleaning activities. I am happy, to have something to do at work. And I believe I’ve proven that I have influence and do a great job, when I managed to call for a meeting that even my boss was unable to achieve.

Anyway, I am not blogging tonight to talk about me. More, as expected, I am going to talk about my daughter. I believe her separation anxiety comes very early. The first day I went back to work, she was already expecting me back home by 4p.m. This was because during the “trial” run, I left home around 10 a.m. and came back before she woke up from her afternoon nap. On that first day, I came back around 7p.m.

Thankfully, she was just sobbing a little and hugging me as tight as her little arms would allow. And I was able to console her quickly.

Today, however, she cried inconsolably. I arrived home about ten minutes before 8 p.m. I knew I would be late, when I could not drive 200 metres after 5 minutes. I called home and told my brother that I would be late. It took me about an hour to get her to calm down. An another hour for her to start smiling and communicating with me.

I could not stand listening her crying, it breaks my heart. But I guess, this is something that I will be facing until she really understands what’s going on and why her Mami could not be home at the same time everyday. I do my best to be home by 7p.m. every day.

My daughter always wake up with a smile in the morning. I don’t fancy her going to bed with a tear or a sob. I’ve only started to put her back into her cot at night since last weekend. She had been sleeping in the big bed since the first night The Hubby is away. I’ve gotten used having her beside me. But, I also know it is not right to change the habit that we have trained her since she came to us. Thankfully, there was no drama putting her back into her cot. I am tempted to have her sleep beside me tonight, out of guilt on my part. But, no, she is sleeping now, peacefully in her cot.

When people ask me, I am telling the truth by saying that she’s an angel baby. Easy baby. And by the book. Even Mak agrees that taking care of her is a breeze, until her routine is disturbed. For example when her sleep time is interrupted by visitors. Then, it will be a challenge to get her settled down again. Baby Hana sleeps through the night these days. She sleeps the 5-hour stretch and only wakes up once for her feed. The next feed will be in the morning, when the sun comes up. Alhamdulillah, it’s easy on me too.

Maybe I could not see how my eyes light up when I watch her, or how my voice gets a little excited when I talk about her. But it is true when people say you will only understand the feelings of a parent once you hold your baby in your arms. It’s surreal.

Owh, I still breastfeed her. I am not concerned that I don’t produce double digit ounce like other mothers. Because I believe that I produce enough for what Hana needs. I will blog about this another time. For now, I am to bed.

Hubby, I am missing you extra today.

First Night Without Him 2

The Hubby has safely arrived in Sydney yesterday evening. Another 3 months away…

This time, on the first night without him, I brought Baby Hana to sleep with me on the bed. It’s more for my sake, than hers. I think she had a restless night last night. She’s always sleeping soundly in her own cot, but when she’s sleeping in the big bed, she will wake up every hour. I do not know if it is psychic or psychology of her subconscious mind that is telling her mother is very near. So for tonight, she’s in her own bed.

Him being away this time, seems a little harder to me. Maybe it’s because we just been given a daughter. Maybe because it’s thousands of miles away as compared to last time. And maybe because this time, I will not be seeing him as often as when he was in Brunei last year.

Friends are saying I will get use to him being away. But to be honest, even when he’s gone for one night for his photography job, I feel his absence. Even when he’s away for the whole day for an assignment, I feel empty. So, how is it possible that I will get use to him being away for weeks or months? And frankly, I don’t think I want to get use to him being away. As much as it pains (?) me or makes me sad that he’s away, I’d rather feel the sadness than not feeling anything at all. Does this mean I’m the clingy sort? Erks?!!

Anyway, on the bright side of the story, it’s a great opportunity for him, and insyaAllah more rezeki for us. And everytime I feel a little melancholic, I will remind myself on our promise that we will not make the other person lose opportunities just so that we don’t feel sad. We will not hold the other person back from achieving what we could in life, at work or personally. Of course, everything has its place and time, and whatever decision that we make, it’s for the better, insyaAllah.

Three weeks ago, I turned down an opportunity, a possibly lucrative opportunity just after one phone call. But money is not everything in life. And with the new addition, my priorities have to be set correctly. Any opportunities, however promising and money-making, The Hubby and Baby Hana will have to come first. It’s not because I’m becoming less driven professionally, I just don’t believe in being driven at the expense of my loved ones. I’m still driven professionally, obviously, or I wouldn’t be actively looking for new position as I am now! He he he…

Well, I think I’m digressing. I am missing my soul mate. Thank God for Skype. Although it’s not the same, at least we can still look at each other and make faces! Okay, I make the faces… :-p I love you Boochi Boo!! Take care, mate!

The Forgotten Nursery Rhymes – Chapter 2

Are you familiar with this nursery rhyme? Sing a Song of Six Pence

Now, listen to the version in Malay… Lagu Tiga Kupang

Although, as I know it “Sagu Penuh Tepung” is actually “Saku Penuh Tepung”…

This is one of the old rhymes that we used to sing when we were little. We will act out the song too. It was so much fun. Now that we have a little girl in the house, all these songs are coming back to us. Sometimes, Mak will sing one. Other times it will be Abah.

What other nursery rhymes you remember?

11 days later

I was not a beautiful elegant lady during and after the birth. My face was void of blood, my eyes were puffy, my legs were swollen. The epidural made my legs heavy, ponstan was making me lethargic. Now I understand why French women have their magic potion ready by bedside to be used after the long hours of labor. Clarins has one of those, it’s called Flash Beaute. I had planned to get it, but it slipped my mind once I’m settled at my parents’ abode.

Looking back at my picture with The Hubby and Baby Hana at the hospital, although there was smile on my face, it will always remind me of the experience in the labor room; The Hubby’s face of helplessness, the sharp jarring pain, The Doctor’s encouraging voice, the nurses worried faces, my mom’s anxious looks, then the moment Baby Hana was put on my tummy with The Doctor reciting the Iqamah, Baby Hana’s first cry, Hubby’s voice in my ear while the etonox muddled the pain of being stitched up, The Hubby’s grip on my hand while we watch our baby being examined… The images will flood my mind one after another, overlapping between before and after.

Yes, I did not have an easy first birth. I know some people do. The saying about having big bottoms will have easy birth, it’s a myth. I have big butt (and I’m not lying about it) but well, you know the story. Haih, I hope my story doesn’t scare any mothers-to-be as it’s an experience no women should deny if they have the chance to it.

Let me tell you, the feeling once it was all over. When Baby Hana was put on my tummy, the feeling is indescribable. For me, it was almost similar to the day when The Hubby accepted the aqad. The way you look at this little thing suddenly changed. For 9 months all I could see was a projected image on the screen and pieces of printed photo, but now, here she is. A living, breathing little person, and I cannot help but cried a little. She is so small and she is totally dependant on people around her to love her, to care for her. At the end of the day, all the pain are totally worth it. I did not cry once while I was in pain, but I could not stop the tears when I look at my daughter.

I have a husband. And I have a daughter.

I am still, after one year of marriage marveling at the fact that someone is willing to share his life with me. It still bring tears of humility and happiness whenever I think about it. And now I have another miracle bestowed upon me. My very own child. Every time I look at her, all trusting and full of wonders, I could not help but thank Allah for giving me this chance. I don’t mind if this is the only one, for I am determine to raise her right, insyaAllah. Quality over quantity, that’s my take.

Tomorrow is our first check-up with the doctors after the delivery. I’m so looking forward to be out there, and breathe the polluted air! Ha ha ha… Baby Hana has appointment with her paed, I hope she will stay an angel that she is. He he he… wishful thinking eh?

Owh, my next post I guess, will be about this confinement period and how I’m handling it. ;-)

It’s Been A Year!

Tonight, one year ago, I was doing last minute preparation for the big day. Sharky was with me, making sure the room is ready. We put on the bed sheet, decorated the side table, tied ribbons to the flimsy drapes, etc. Downstairs, my aunties are doing things that I cannot remember now. I remember going down and being asked to go to bed. But I was too hyped to go to sleep. It’s the turning point. I wrote a blog post while waiting for my wedding bouquet to arrive: Last one before tomorrow.

Tonight, a year later, I am 32 weeks pregnant with our first child, The Hubby is watching movie on his laptop, and I’m feeling mellow again. Ha ha ha… In one year that we’ve been together, so many things have happened, we learn (still are!) each others’ quirkiness, all of which my sincere hope, bringing us even much closer together. We have our differences, but nobody said anything about agreeing on everything once you’re husband and wife, right? We keep our individuality no matter what.

A year later, watching television these days, I’m watching it with my motherhood cap on. There are so many things that I have to do to ensure my child reap the benefits and learn from the negativities. I thought I’d be those cool moms where everything is A-okay, but I guess it’s like what The Hubby said, “Mothers mean business, Fathers mean fun”. Ha ha ha… I don’t know where he got that. But I guess, between the two of us, I’ll be the sour plum. But I reverently hope that whatever I do or say, I’ll be educating my child and not building walls between us.

A year ago, I had goose bumps every time I think about the next day. Tonight, I’m getting goose bumps thinking of what lies ahead in less than two months. I pray that everything will go smoothly and both of us will be healthy. There are still things to buy for The Baby’s arrival. We’ll do it soon. I am yet to pack my hospital bag. Maybe I should do it this weekend.

So, in this post, I’d like to thank all my family members who worked really hard making my special day happened in the most special way. Special thanks to Sharky for being there for me, right by my side, giving words of encouragement and jokes that I could not remember now. Also thanks to Cindy for being there while I was preparing for my reception ceremony and agreeing with my choice of accessories and hairstyle instead of the mak andam’s.

I truly have a charmed life. Things are not always smooth but it always turn out right. To my beloved husband, I love you with all my heart. Here’s to our first year together, darling. May there’ll be more to come.

Happy Halloween!!

It's a weekend again. There's no pumpkin, though.

There are still so much to do. Everywhere I see my friends, they are growing up. Lives are changing. Some friends stay and some just... disappear. Some stick through tears and heartbreak, some simply drift away even when there's only laughter and tickles. Very funny.

I get more melancholic as the day gets nearer. The curse of getting hitch while you're not so young anymore is that you don't get to have some of much needed friends with you. Not because they don't want to be there for you, just because life is. They have their own lives and responsibilities, as such, not much time for anything else.

I am not that young anymore, and yet, I'd love nothing else than to have my close friends with me. Very childish of me. However, after reading a blog post just now... I realise, I have to correct myself. Muhasabah time! How easily we could be swept away when doing important things.

So today, I'm going to stop mopping how sad I am because of circumstances that cannot be avoided. Instead I'm going to remind myself all day how blessed I am and lucky I am that I am getting all the things that good life could offer. Great parents and brothers. Wonderful fiance. Awesome girlfriends. And best of all, these beautiful people in my life, they could put up with my antics! Isn't that just... the best?

Alhamdulillah. Syukran Ya Rabb.

Eid, Day 9

I am back at work. After a weekend of celebration. Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly. If there were hiccups, nothing that we could not handled.

I am now, officially an SIL. Ha ha ha... And I sorta "acquired" not one sister, but four! It's fascinating, for someone who has lived all her life being the only female sibling in the family.

Mak is happy. Abah is happy. My brothers are happy. Everyone is excited. And they are gearing up for another session that is going in a couple of months.

As everything happens for a reason, and everything has it's own blessings, I am thankful for this journey that The Lord has made me walked on. I am blessed. I am happy. Alhamdulillah.

On the work side, these next three weeks will be one of the busiest period. I have to prepare for the exhibition next week. Luckily, I have someone helping to arrange for the traveling matters. Another blessing that I take for granted. Must remember to appreciate small little things.

My boss, as always, the ever demotivating soul that he is... I will blow your head with surprises dear boss, just wait and see. It is difficult to maintain a positive momentum day-in, day-out in this place when you have such a person to report to. But as usual, I shall prevail and I shall triumph! (I sound like some medieval conqueror... duh...)

Gotta go now! Have a blessed week everyone, be happy! It's not black Monday. It's just another day. Ta ta!

ps: Jade is looking forward to Thursday. He he he...

The weekend I was "booked"!

The weekend has ended. And the ceremony went well. Alhamdulillah. I was more concern about the food, but syukur it received good response from the family members. Although there was a little emergency about the baju, I am thankful I have loving parents that could bail me out in such situation. I love you Abah! I love you Mak! And I love the plan B dress a lot! Thanks to Margaret Tan, the designer who made it happened. :-)

I love the make up so much. Thanks to Zai. Feel free to browse her FaceBook to see her works. You won't regret it!

The fact that my best friends were around, helped to reduce the butterflies flying around in my tummy. We were busy chatting in the room until Sharky came up to tell us that they are coming up. I started to get breathless at that moment. Luckily Dakwanie reminded me to take deep breath and continue breathing. Ha ha ha... You would think I'm meeting the Prime Minister or the King!

My hands were cold and clammy when CapalPerak's mother put the ring on. Everyone laughed when she said my hands were icy cold! Haih! Can't help it!

To my bestest friends; Syieda, Ina, Aeez, DakWanie, Sharky; thank you so much for being there! Aeez and Sharky, you gals helped a lot by sleeping over that night, believe me. He he he...

DakWanie, tenkiu for the cute little cookies. Love it. Emma, tenkiu for the chocs. Delish! Syieda, tenkiu, tenkiu for Zen. It was really unexpected!

And to my darling CapalPerak, tenkiu for the ring! Ahahahaha... We still have a longgggggggg way to go... :-) Love you. It's an honour to be called your fiancée. :-p

A day to remember: 27th December 2008

Alhamdulillah

I went to see Abah this morning. He looks better. He said, the first thing he wants to do when he's discharge would be to visit the barber; to get a haircut and shave. :-)

Just received SMS from Alang, he said Abah could be discharged this evening; provided the nurses can finish their tasks quickly. There are a lot of patients today. I hope the doctor is discharging abah because he is really doing better and not because they need beds for the patients...

Feeling blurgh again

I have this "thing" that is building up in me. I don't know how to describe it. The only way I can say is that I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Simple silly little things can annoy me a lot. And there are wicked voices that wants me to think negatively when everything that doesn't go my way happens.

It's frustrating. It's tiring. And it's taking a toll on me. I hate feeling this way. And this is not just a case of PMS.

On the brighter side, Abah is doing much better this morning. We're hopeful that he can be discharged tomorrow. The recovery however is ongoing. He is still quite weak. Not quite his jovial sarcastic self yet. And I say that fondly.

The Day After

Abah was transferred to CCU last night at around 10.30pm. The reason is because he had too many visitors during the day and the doctor wants to keep him under close observation. Mak and Alang stayed for the night. They had to sleep at the room designated for patients' family members because they dare not allowed to wait in Abah's room.

This morning as I started to drive away from the house, Alang drove in; with Mak beside him. I immediately stopped the car and went into the house with them.

Abah is doing much better. The pain is gone. And now he's resting because last night he could not sleep because of the pain. The nurse woke Mak up at 5am today telling her that Abah did not want the nurse to bathe him. He wanted Mak to do it. Mak said now Abah smells like a baby because of the sponge bath. :-) Abd ge's doing much, much better. Alhamdulillah.

I’m seriously not ready for this. It’s not because I have this delusion that my parents will live forever, it’s just that, I am really not ready for situation like this. All the while I was telling myself to calm down and think logically instead of emotionally. It worked through out the day except for when CapalPerak dropped by in the afternoon and when Abah was transferred to CCU. Listening to the machines beeping, seeing the wires and everything else… not to sound cliché but it just does something to you.

Thank you for all the well wishes. Please continue to make dua for him. Thank you, very, very much.

Today is a busy day for the family. Well, at least for Mak and I. Until I started writing this, only Kuah Sambal Kacang and Chef Wan's Ayam Masak Hitam are completed. Later, we will start with Rendang Daging and at the same time I will start baking tonnes of cakes. Well.. maybe not tonnes. Mak wants the chocalate moist and banana cake.

Several years ago I started making chocolate moist cake every Eid. Few years back, I started to get lazy. Reason being, when I bake, I cannot bake just one. I need to bake at least three. One to bring back to Malacca. One will be almost finished on the first day of Raya; consumed by my brothers. So the last one serves as snack for the visitors. So, I got lazy. Penat wooo... tiga bijik kek!

This year however, I feel a little festive, so I told Mak I'll bake the chocolate cake. She added two banana cakes into the offer. :-p

While cooking just now, I received a great news from CapalPerak. Congratulations Boochi Boo! I am so deliriously happy for you. Mind you, I have never had such offer in my working life before! He he he...

So, I'm going to stop now. Rest a while. And then continue with cooking. Haih. The bane of being a woman...

Al-Fatihah

My Pak Long; Hj Mohd Yat bin Hj Tompang; passed on this morning. He was bedridden for the past several months because of cancer. Please help to sedekah Al-Fatihah for him.

Please also raise awareness on this disease amongst your family and friends.

A Phone Call After

SilverB called Abah about the trip tomorrow. Here's what happened...

SilverB: I talked to you father already...
Jade: Okay... so what did he say?
SilverB: He asked me to remind you on few things.
Jade: What things? He didn't say anything when I called him earlier...
SilverB: He said, be more lady-like, behave yourself properly and take care.
Jade: Whaaaaaatttt?????
SilverB:

You would think that I'm a spoilt brat or something. And the first reminder, let see... I heard it the first time when I was 18. I was fresh out of high school, going to college. I talked about joining the Explorer Club like what I did when I was in MRSM. Abah immediately said,"No more of those. It's time to be more lady like..."

I can never be accused of behaving like a tomboy. Seriously. Seriously??? Isk. I cut my hair very short once, when I was 14, but only because the aunty made a very short version of Princess D's hairstyle. I wear jeans, but I wear skirts too. I wear make-up the first time when I was 16. My brother did a double take seeing my smacking red lips. I loooooooooooooveeeeee boys. I like dolls and played pondok-pondok or masak-masak. I did play with LEGO, cars and pistols as well. But only because I'd be bored to death playing on my own since I have three brothers and no sisters. I can climb trees, but every self-respecting kampung girls could do that! I could put up a tent and go trekking up the mountain. I hate sewing, but my stitches are better than most people I know.

I would say I'm pretty much a balanced kind of person. I admit I don't get skirmish over spiders or mouse that'd make me jump onto a chair. I don't care for designer bags or clothes or shoes (I still don't understand the hype about COACH), but I make sure my gadgets are of reliable brands. But that doesn't mean I'm no lady, right? I still have some fashion sense, even though I'd go for something priced RM150 and below. He he he...

Anyway, B, you better take that smile out of your face. I'd bludgeon you with whatever I can get my hands on when I see you tomorrow... So what if I fight like a boy... :-p

ps: Please make a dua for my Pak Long in Bedok. He's very ill now. He's leaving us very soon. My parents are on their way to Singapore today.

My Weekend Experience

For the first time in my life, I spent my nights in the hospital. Last weekend, to be exact. Not as a patient, but to accompany my beloved Momma.

Mak has been down with fever since almost two weeks back. Her temperature went up and down. After several visit to the neighbourhood clinic and a trip to the ER which lasted for 4 hours, we decided to go to GH. Although the blood screening was normal and so was Mak's BP and pulse, the doctor decided to put her under observation because of the fever.

That night, she was under IV, 3 bottles of 'em. The following morning, her temperature returned to almost normal and she felt better. She was weak the past week and almost confined to bed all the time. Last night my brother relieved me from my night shift so that I can come to work today. This morning, when I talked to her over the phone, she sounded very much like my mother back that I almost cried.

Today they are doing another blood test. We're hopeful that she'll be discharged either today evening or tomorrow.

Friends, please make dua for my mother for her speedy full recovery.

As for my experience sleeping in the hospital, it's totally tiring. You sleep late and you wake up very early. I wonder what they term as "patient needs to rest" when they last check the BP at 11 at night and as early as 5:30am. And, don't get me started with the nurses' attitude. Some of them, that is. Haih.