Where Are We?

In the aftermath of Erykah Badu’s cancelled concert, I quietly reflect on it and the responses that I read and heard. Everyone has an opinion why Malaysia is a backward nation or how phobia of war on Islam is spreading. If you google the story, you can even read comments that non-Malaysians are giving. Some angry, and some surprisingly understanding.

I can’t really call myself Erykah Badu’s fan, I don’t know her songs though I am sure I have enjoyed them now and again. I enjoy listening to R&B and Soul music. I just don’t really bother finding out the title of the songs and who sing them… :-)

Let’s look at the issue generally. Any country has a right to refuse entry of a person, for any possible reason they can come out with. It’s the right of the government. It’s their country. Even from international business perspective, a country can forbid foreign companies operating locally to send back their profit to their parent company in their own country; if they see it to be economically fit. Malaysia did this once during the economic downturn in late 90s. This is to protect the country’s economy.

Some country even stop the operations of foreign company and all foreign workers are deported. This happens. All the time.

Yes, Malaysia has made the international news for revoking rights to perform or reject the application altogether for a number of international artists. We’ve done it before, we just did it this week, I’m pretty sure we’ll do it again in future. Regardless whether it is politically motivated or not.

Yesterday morning, the Executive Officer of Centre for Independent Journalism of Malaysia was interviewed by BFM on this issue. She said something about not to expect non-Muslim to know or understand the meaning behind the Arabic characters. She also said that what happened is due to political mileage, and some people are trying to say Islam is being attacked in Malaysia. I beg to differ.

We have to understand the American culture. They are mostly individualistic bunch of people, with little regards of other people feelings. And this is not just a generalisation, this is based on research. With this mentality, what they do, is basically for themselves. To them, the arabic word is just art, just like the cross, star of David even the tree of life. They can make fun of their religion, and they will not be chastise for it; so much. I’m sure there are still prudent and respectful, God fearing Americans. But get this, they are so detached that most of the times they don’t realise what they do are affecting other people in different ways.

So, I ask you now; as a Malaysian, do you not see that our society is still pretty much communal and reserved? What response were you expecting other than anger when the picture came out. True enough for some of us so called “liberal” Muslims, we do not mind. But let me tell you, it is because we are slowly becoming individualistic ourselves. So what if some people are crying foul over the tattoo? Let them be. At least, there are still people out there brave enough to stand up for their religion, for people to learn to respect this Almighty being we prostate ourselves to.

I haz a little sadness. It has been said that the weakest stage of Iman is to disagree in silence, in the heart. I was thinking to myself, do I even fall in this category? I saw the picture of Erykah Badu with the tattoo long time ago. But unobservant as I was, I didn’t even realise there was a tattoo spelt “Allah”… I feel sad. Is it because I am so detached from my religion, that I am becoming ignorant of things like these? Have I slowly becoming too “liberal” that I do not care when other people are using my religion carelessly?

Yes, they may not understand, and they may not care. But hey, I as a Muslim myself, shouldn’t it be part of my responsibility to educate people on my religion? To tell them, look, this thing that you think is only art, is very very much dear to Muslims. True it’s just a bunch of arabic characters, but it represents something so big that the characters do not do it justice. I should be able to make an impact, and make people realise that it is not something to be so casual about. But I should also be able to explain it in educative way, and not just shout foul.

Truthfully there are more important, vital things to be discussed with regards to being a good Muslim. But now and then Allah SWT throw to us a little challenge, a little test, for us to see and reflect how we react to it. And we should not just ignore it, at the very least, if it is bad, we could disagree in our hearts.

Sometimes we see artist changing their lifestyle to be more Islamic. Some people joke about them. At least they are making progress. True enough, they could pull the holier-than-thou attitude, but hey, that’s one of the weaknesses that they have to overcome. And for the rest of us, have we started to make the journey to be a better Muslim? For all we know, they might have more favours from Allah SWT than we could ever will get…

Anyway, for people to ask for revoking of The Star’s license is too much. Come on people. They have apologise. Move on. In this I agree with the EO of CIJM. Don’t go for blood just because you think it’s the way to go. Be matured, Islam is so much more gentle than that. Be a living example of it’s embodiment.

This is a long post. I’m tired. Have a great weekend ahead y’all. Take care! :-)

The Week That Was…

One week ago today, I was slowly recovering from the fright.

WARNING: LENGTHY POST AHEAD…

Just a day after her 11-month birthday, my daughter was admitted to KPJ Tawakal for lung infection. Two days before that, I was at a project kick-off, where I was about to deliver the afternoon workshop, when I received a call from The Hubby, they were on their way to the ER. Little Princess was not doing well. She had  fever over the weekend, but was fine on Monday. Little that I knew, it will be the start of emotional journey for me and the rest of the family.

Upon receiving the call, I told my colleagues I have to leave, and passed the presentation to my Account Manager. While driving, my heart is beating furiously, thinking what could’ve gone wrong. She only had fever, that went up and down, yes, and a little coughing. When I arrived in the ER, the nurses were sponging my daughter, and she was crying looking frightened. It broke my heart. I immediately picked her up from the examination table and hold her tightly close, whilst the nurses kept on sponging her. I later told the nurse, I’ll do it myself while nursing her. I did not let myself cry, not yet.

We went to see her paed half an hour later. She ordered blood test and urine test. The look in my little princess eyes.. while the nurse wrapped her in the blanket to hold her still to draw blood… I couldn’t get it off my mind. She looked at me with a question, “Mami, what are they doing to me?” I had to hold my baby down while the nurse drew blood from her. I did not let myself cry, not yet. Held her close immediately after it finished. Once out from the room, I could not hold myself back any longer. While comforting my daughter, with istighfar and tasbeeh non-stop… I cried. And cried. The Hubby hugged me, but still I cried.

We were at the lab area for more than an hour, waiting for Little Princess to pee, but she didn’t. So the doctor asked us to come back to her room. While there, my baby peed, and the urine was sent to the lab. Her blood had traces of bacteria according to the doctor. So she prescribed antibiotics, and I do not want her to stay in the hospital much longer. We went back. It was Tuesday.

Wednesday, I stayed at home, looking after her. She was well. Laughing and playing. All day long. Just the two of us. It was her 11 month birthday. Then that night, she started to act differently. Her breathing was heavy, and when giving her water to drink, I felt as if the water came out through her lungs… I tried not to worry, for she slept soundly. In the morning, she seemed very quiet, not quite herself. She just wanted to sleep and lie down. Her breathing was  still heavy. I called her paed, and she advised me to bring her in.

It was Thursday. And this is where my nightmare really started…

There was no room available to admit Little Princess. I was beside myself. I couldn’t quite control my emotions. My baby was turning blue, and they would ask us to wait??!! But I know, oh I know the nurse was trying her best to get any available room. There were rooms should already been available, because the patients were discharged, but they still hadn’t check-out, taking their own sweet time to get their asses away from the hospital. Such selfishness! Such stupidity! Such heartlessness! No caring whether other people would die out of their careless actions! The paed did not even want to look at my baby, but she looked worried. She lost a patient before, maybe there were myriads of worry running through her head… We finally managed to get an adult VVIP room.

My baby was not doing well. That’s what the doctor said. Her condition had worsen. She ordered an x-ray. Again, I was with Little Princess throughout. Held her down, assuring her that everything would be fine. Reciting dua close to her little ears, while she hold on to me with her frail hands and frightened eyes. Ya Allah… only you know how I feel inside, please, please let my baby be fine… Please make her stronger… Please make her brave… I couldn’t stop pleading, and pleading… I have no power at all to make my baby better. Only He does. He can help, and He will help me!

They put her on oxygen then. She had drip in her little hand. Pumping water and antibiotics into her little body. Ya Allah… seeing this tiny little person with all the wires around her… She also had a sensor around her little toe that tracked her oxygen level and heartbeat. And my baby, she had very little energy, just lying there. I slept beside her in that big hospital bed. We had to move rooms three times before we finally had a single room to ourselves.

I kept on thinking… I just started sending her to the daycare. Only 3 days the week before. And she’s already like this? What did I do wrong? Where did I miss it? The Hubby told me not blame myself, and portioning the blame will not make our baby better. He was right of course, but what have I not done enough?

Friday, when the doctor came in the evening to check on Little Princess, she looked… relieved. The antibiotics were doing their job. But my baby still needed the oxygen tube on. Owh… I haven’t told you about the first physio session…

Friday morning, I brought her for physio session. I was prepared for the first part, but not the second, eventhough the physiotherapist walked me through it. I was not prepared for the tiny tube to be inserted into my baby’s nostrils and mouth! No! But I knew I couldn’t stop it. In fact, in one occasion, I helped to open my baby’s mouth, because she was clamping it tight. Ya Allah, make me strong! inwardly I screamed… The moment it was finished, I held her tightly, held her, and held her. They wanted to put her straight to the drip, but I said no. I wanted my baby to have what normal moment she could before she’s confined back to the bed.

You can say it’s normal for babies going to the daycare to have infection or to be admitted. But I still say NO. It’s not normal for these little people to be confined to hospital beds with tubes around them. NO! NO! NO! A thousand times NO! They should be healthy. Happy little people, running around enjoying their lives! You may say it’s normal for your baby, if you want to. But not for me. Never for me.

Little Princess had three more physio sessions before she was discharged on Sunday afternoon. Yes, she was discharged on Sunday. But it was an emotionally harrowing four days of my life. The hospital walls closing in every single day, I though I would go crazy. Ya Allah, please, I don’t ever want to go through this experience again. Ever.

On Saturday, I was supposed to go to the induction session for my MBA course, but I didn’t go. I thought that would be my escape for a little while from the hospital. But owh… the words a loved one could say to make you feel really bad about yourself. I felt awful, I was the worst mother in the world for wanting to be away from my baby, just a little while. Ya Allah, forgive me. Hana, forgive your Mami for being so weak. I am so sorry for even thinking that I’d the rights to escape. Everyone else came and went back. Even The Hubby could leave the hospital to get a change of clothes, etc. But no, not the Mami. Mami had to stay.

My Little Princess is recovering well. She’s almost 100% back to herself. No more coughing since yesterday, Alhamdulillah. She had to continue a course of antibiotics, and finished up the antibiotics that was prescribed to her in the hospital the past week. She’s filling up back the fats that she lost in that week that she was unwell. Every time I saw her ribs and legs and hands these past two weeks, I couldn’t help but cry. She’s not a plump baby, thus she looked really frail without the fats on her body.

Needless to say, no one would be able to understand what I felt, except for a mother, except for a woman. For we have this tiny part of us that Allah SWT has given to us and only us. And this feeling that you feel, once you’ve seen your child in that way, it will never go away.

O Allah, thank you for making my daughter better. Thank you for listening to my prayers. You only test me with tests that You know I could go through and not more than that.

Counting my blessings today

Yeay! Alhamdulillah! Lots of things are happening for me now. It is impacting the family indirectly, in a good way, insyaAllah. Truth be told, never despair, for He will grant your wish when it is best for you in every way. It’s okay if we have to wait a little while to get the things that we want, because when it happens, it feels magical.

One by one, the puzzle pieces are falling into place. InsyaAllah in time, if able, I will share them with you my friends. Suffice to say, I am thankful and in no way I am bragging, I just have to put my feelings into words before they overwhelm me. This is a post that is close to my heart, a way to remind myself that I must always be patient and be thankful.

My loyal readers (heh! is there? haha… perasan bagus sikit) will already know by now that I have always said that I almost always get things that I want very late. I do not need to replay the same old track again. I just want to remind myself that there’s always blessings in disguise for everything that has happened. And I want to remember the feeling of getting my wishes come true however late, however far in between. I want to remember the smile on my face and the warmth that spread all over me chasing the dread away.

It is so uplifting when you get responses like “Great job!” or “Well done!” or “Excellent work!”. Yes, it’s human’s appreciation that makes us, normal people feel a little bit happier than before. But I should not forget who made that possible. It is He, working His magic. Therefore, I am thankful to Him. And when I receive words of appreciation, I now know it comes from Him.

Before, it was very difficult for me to accept compliments. I am terrible at receiving unexpected gifts. I felt I don’t deserve them. Don’t ask me why I felt that way, I do not know the reason. But these days, I slowly be more receptive, and I pray every time I receive human appreciation and applause, it makes me more humble than before.

Thank you Allah, for making things happen for me.

I don’t hate you but I don’t have to agree with you

I have stopped myself several times from writing about a certain declaration video which is now the talk of the town. I shall not name it here, because as a Muslim, we should not disclose our brothers’ or sisters’ embarrassment (even if they feel there is nothing to be embarrass about). Suffice to say, I know the person, because we went to the same school.

I don’t hate homosexuals. But I don’t love them neither. Do I have gay friends? Yes, I do. They are nice people, just like any other friends that I have. You see, I only keep nice people as friends. Who in the right mind will befriend not nice people, eh?

Second question, do I have problem knowing someone is gay? Nope. If I do, I will not befriends with them. Simple.

Next question, do I agree on homosexuality? The answer to this is a clear and a simple NO.

Just because you’re friends with some people that have different ideologies, it does not mean you agree with them. You can be friends, but you don’t have to always agree.

When it comes to homosexuality, be it gay or lesbian, Islam has forbid it more than 1400 years ago. If you read about Islam, and the prophets’ histories, you will come across Nabi Luth (Prophet Lot). His people were homosexuals, the men and the women. These people were told to come back to truth and yet they denied themselves the light, and they were prosecuted by Allah SWT. They all died because their land was turned topsy-turvy.

So Allah SWT has decreed long time ago that this practice is forbidden. Why oh why should we say otherwise? In my opinion, we should not be proud of the forbidden things that we do. We all make mistakes for we are humans. But we must always find ways to come back to Him and seek his forgiveness, for He is the most forgiving.

I read the comment from the supporters of the declaration, and I am stumped. I feel so sad, that I cried. Have these people lost their minds? They talk as if religion is of no relation to one’s life. They talk as if they know better than Allah SWT Himself. Aren’t they scared of what might be by challenging the might of Allah SWT?

No, I don’t have problems with people who believe they are homosexuals. Instead I wish, hope and pray that they come to realise that when Allah SWT created them, He created them to be heterosexuals. There are reasons why there are men an women.

“Dan segala sesuatu Kami ciptakan berpasang-pasangan supaya kamu mengingat kebesaran Allah.” (Adz -Dzaariyaat : 49).
“And all that We created is in pairs so that you remember Allah’s greatness” (Adz Dzaariyaat: 49)

"Dan di antara tanda-tanda kekuasaan Nya ialah Dia menciptakan untukmu isteri-isteri dari jenismu sendiri, supaya kamu cenderung dan merasa tenteram kepadanya, dan dijadikannya di antaramu rasa kasih dan sayang” (Ar-Rum: 21)
“And amongst the signs of His greatness, is that He created for you, wives from your own kind, so that you may feel comforted towards her and He create between the two of you love” (Ar-Rum:21)

There are lots of other ayat from the holy Quran Al-Karim that shows Allah SWT created men and women so that they may complement each other in life, in love. And from this union, insyaAllah, a clean and blessed generation shall be borne. How can we deny this truth? It comes from the Quran itself! The holy scripture that should be our guide.

I can only Istighfar and be reminded of my own shortcomings and mistakes and weaknesses. But it does not mean I cannot spell out my distaste of the comments that were given by these people in favour of homosexuality. What is wrong, will remain wrong. What is forbidden will remain forbidden.

They argue that homosexual is not about sex, but it is about love. If that is the truth then look to Allah SWT for the love that you seek. They say straight people do not understand them and always ridicule them, I have to say some people are quick to judge and condemn. But why can’t they look for the straight people who can show and guide them to the right path? In my opinion, anything wrong that we do, and we do not want to leave it behind, it’s all because we love the world more than we love the hereafter, more than we love Allah SWT. It’s the same to women who are not wearing headscarves, because we feel that we might be less pretty in the eyes of humans, when instead we should think of becoming beautiful in the eyes of Allah SWT, masyaAllah. :-( It’s like people who drink alcohol and do not want to stop because they believe they cannot have fun without it and people will say they are not cool, when they should be thinking how to look cool in front of Allah SWT.

So, when homosexuals say that being gay or lesbian is not about choice, they should be reminded that they do have the choice. Like the women who are not wearing headscarves, like the people who drinks alcohol. It’s a matter of choice.

I am a human, I make mistakes too. And writing this post does not mean I’m preaching or being holier-than-thou, for I am a sinner too. I’m writing this in hope that Allah SWT will shine upon me His Nur and guidance, shower me with his rahmat for I may become a better person in time, insyaAllah. Our main objective in life should be to see Him in Husnul Khatimah.

People always say that if you hang about with those who are smelly, you will become smelly too. And if you hang around those who wear perfumes, the scent will brush on you too. I shall put it in a more modern perspective. You go to clubs, eventhough you don’t drink or don’t smoke, you come out smelling like ashes and liquor still. You go to masjeed, even if you’re dozing off during the sermon, you come out smelling nice or like minyak attar if the pakcik next to you wear it. ;-)

I believe I have said enough. Just a reminder to myself, my family and my friends, not to be advocates of things which are already forbidden by Allah SWT. I remind myself to always seek His forgiveness in any way I can, any time while I’m still breathing. For once He calls my name, there is nothing more I can do, but answer His call. May we always be under His guidance and rahmat, insyaAllah.

Ramadhan is here!

Ramadhan is here again. Alhamdulillah, Praise be for Allah SWT, I am here to experience it again. So much has happened since last Ramadhan, and all are things to be thankful on.

I’m taking this opportunity to wish all of you, my friends, my readers, a blessed Ramadhan, Ramadhan Al Mubarak. I apologise for my shortcomings, any rude words, any actions that might have make you feel angry, sad or disappointed with me. I am only human. And I err.

InsyaAllah, this Ramadhan will make us better people, and may we all remember that Allah SWT is always watching over us. We have only to ask and work towards our goals. Be patient, for in the end, it’s Him who has the power to make things happen for us. And let’s always, always, ALWAYS be thankful.

Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa, semoga ibadah kita bertambah, mendapat keberkatan, diterima Allah dan meninggalkan kesan yang hasanah untuk kita. InsyaAllah. Ameen Ya Rabbal ‘Alamin.

image from: http://4allah.net/blog/

Maybe…

Maybe I need to be more thankful
             with what I already have

Maybe I need to be more sincere
             with every sweat I shed

Maybe I need to be more selfless
             with each expectation

Maybe I need to be more positive
             with every temptation to be negative

Maybe then I could become truly happy

At Work Today

I am now enforcing comment moderation. Please don’t let this de-motivate you from commenting. I have noticed these past weeks that I am getting spam comments from weird sources. Upon translating the comments using free translation tool, my jaw dropped, because it refers to some naked, nude and ill websites. Hah! I shall not be one of the agents! So, comment moderation it is. I am fine with no feedbacks from my readers (hopefully I at least have those) but comments of this nature are totally unwelcome in Looneypuff’s dream world. If I need to see actions, I now have The Hubby to refer to. Ehem.

So, what am I going to babble about today? Few things happened up to the moment I decided to put in the comment moderation today. So, I am going to choose to talk about WORK today. It is a never-ending story.

 When I arrived to the site today and checked my email, I received an instruction to perform a task. Which I’m elated to do, except for the fact, not enough information is being provided. So I called up related people to get clarification on the matter. When words began to form shapes in my mind (I do mind map in my mind, apparently) it occurred to me that the task was independent of the server or the database. All that is required, are the script, the list and the moderation files. Three files. And a shell script container. And voila! you can run the script.

So, the problem is that, I only have the list. While the moderation file is back in the office. As I said, I am at the site. So, I requested the related person to copy the HUGE sized moderation file into the external hard disk and put the disk on my table. Since the script is independent and I am going to the office tomorrow, I shall do it then. To which the related person who is the Project Manager for this project said, “Oh, in that case, you send me the list and I ask them to execute it in the office today, lah”.

I seriously don’t have an issue with that. My geram state is because, this activity could be completed since two weeks ago maybe? But it’s as if no plans are being made. It’s like, do the activity when you remember to do it. Hmmm… And these people call themselves “managers”. And shall I say, proudly, signing emails with the position. Or exclaimed loudly that they are “managers”. Haiyaaaa…

In this new era there is such thing as sucking up to the boss. There is such thing as double-standard in the office. There is STILL exist the so called “big boys club”. Yes, I am idealistic. But I support when you reward people because they deserve it, not because you feel like it. Is that being idealistic or just plain honest? And I do realise that expecting honesty in day to day life is just the same as being idealistic. Well, we are the ones who make the choices. So, if we choose to be ideal, then there’s no reason to have the “idealistic” term at all!

No, I am not angry, Just a little miffed. You have not seen me angry yet. It is ugly. Anyway, these days, I see the job as a mean to an end. It pays the bill. I believe the path that I am on, has been determined by The Almighty because of the choices that I made in the past. And for every choice that I made there are rewards and there are lessons. This is part of the lesson. And when the time is right, when the state is at its equilibrium, I will be given choices again. And when that happens, a new path is set for me, and new rewards and lessons will be waiting for me.
I am totally accepting my every day experience as a way to remind me to be closer to God. If I have everything now, I might not remember him, right? So, TIME and PATIENCE. I have to learn to be more patient. And this current job? It’s just another set of rewards and lessons. Nothing more, nothing less.

Worth Sharing

Just want to share this...

AidilFitri... Hari Bahgia...

Selamat menyambut AidilFitri! Maafkan silap salah, terkasar bahasa (ni sepatutnya buat sebelum 1 Ramadhan... but better late than never kan?). Kalau ada yang tersinggung dengan nukilan hati hamba, harap dimaafkan.

Tak kira jauh atau dekat anda memandu, berhati-hatilah. Drive safe! Be alert always! Dan bacalah doa:

"Bismillahillazi la yadhurru ma'asmihi shay'un fil ardhi wa la fissama' wa huwassami'ul alim"
maksudnya: "Dengan nama Allah yang dengan nama-Nya tiada sesuatu di bumi dan di langit akan (dapat) memudhratkan (sesuatu yang lain) sedang Dia (Allah) Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui".

Ini doa, ibundaku yang ajarkan setiap kali keluar rumah, atau lakukan sesuatu, even sebelum makan. Jadi, hamba share lah dengan sahabat sekalian. Jaga diri baik-baik. Jangan makan terlalu banyak. Beraya ala kadar. Okay?!

Selamat bercuti!!

Aiseh-mennn...

God, forgive me.

Our people are made of a bunch of holier-than-thou attitude. Well, some of them, at least. These people when they talk, seem to think that they are better than everyone else. They blame the government for failing to implement Islamic Law. They blame the Syar'ie Judges for the limited power they have. They blame wrongdoers and judge these people mercilessly. When will they stop?

People make mistake. That is something everyone has to accept. That is the reason why we are people. Normal people. We have our limitation, regardless what Iman level you have. Maybe we should quietly retire into our ownself. Muhasabah. There's nothing wrong in recognising our own limitation.

Allah SWT, God Himself, is the Most Merciful, Most Gracious. Even He forgives with mercy. Therefore, who are we to judge of other people's wrongdoings?

It's Ramadhan. Stop looking at other people's mistakes. Start pointing to ourselves. Have we done enough? Which are the rooms for improvement? How can we be better than yesterday?

Allah is the Greatest. He is the Most Patient, Most Just. He is always waiting, always listening. Shouldn't we just go and talk to Him?

The Heart Is Ringing!

I must always be thankful. I must always count my blessings. God has given me, insyaAllah, the best person for me to share my life with. He has given me someone who does not belittle things that are important to me, who in his quest to make me happy still ensure my feet are firmly plastered on the blessed earth. Seriously, I could not ask for more. :-)

And, to top everything up, God made my way towards the replacement. Which caught my eyes the second time I went to the shop today. I know it is meant to be, for if I did not decide to return to the shop, I will not have seen the replacement. Sure, it's not my design, but it's close, in fact, more than what I dreamed for. So, I'm blessed again. And I'm thankful.

Alhamdulillah, the heart is not sad anymore. :-) I found my wedding ring, insyaAllah. It's something simple and CapalPerak likes it too.

I should be thankful. Always.

It's 5th Ramadhan. I must remember this date.

Pondering Moment

I was reading this post by Sis Zabrina when it suddenly downed to me that lately my pursuits have always been worldly wealth. It makes me feel sad. I do believe that once you take your steps towards "otherworldly" pursuits, your life just seem to change in a click. Everything becomes smoother and easier.

But knowing that, why is it that the devil is winning every time, still?

This year again, I hope the Ramadhan brings more blessings unto my life and mine. Brings more rewards to me and those who are closest to me. I do believe and continue praying that my life will take a wonderful turn towards the eternal light. I must do more to get more.

Isn't it wonderful when your other half shares the same aspirations with you? :-)

Owh... I forgot to mention that I'll be moving back to my parents'. Just before Ramadhan, je pense. Simply because, these are last few months they can nag me around endlessly. Well... you get what I mean... Their only daughter, hard-headed daughter, is going to be someone's wife come new year. It just will never be the same again. Donc.


Welcome Ramadhan Al-Mubaraq!

Morning After

Spain, Canary islands, Tenerife, trees emerging from clouds

I should never forget that God test me with sadness and heartaches just so that I remember him. And I should never forget that after the tests come the blessings and happiness that He has in store for. I believe that He has bigger plans for me. And I believe that for every sadness, my reward will be greater. Hasn't He proven His plans for me before? Many times over, in fact. So, why oh why must it slipped my mind every time something happens that hurt my feelings? Why must it be only the day after that I remember, and not the moment it happens?

I submit to You, Allah, for only You know what's best for me.

A brand new day!

To those who actually texted, messaged or even called me up after the last post, I really appreciate it. Thanks for your concern. I'm okay now. :-)

I have decided that I will not be disappointed or made sad by the things that are out of my control. It's not like I did not make an effort, kan? So, it's all fated, and I accept it.

Most of the time, it's easier to be hurt by the ones who are closer to you. And because when we're close to someone, we take it for granted that certain things are expected to be done. It can happen in any kind of relationship; between parents and children, between husband and wife, between business partners, between good friends.


And like most of the time too, God sends comfort in the form of a new friend or a new reward or a change of heart. That's why we say He works in mysterious ways. Everything that happens, has a hidden blessing. So, I shall take what is offered and accept it with arms wide open. And I have a feeling it's going to be great!

In these past months, I have came to realise the things I did not see before. And because of this realisation, I am thankful and contented. I also should start emitting positive vibes, to ensure the universe works with me and not against me - The Alchemist 101. Just a small dose of it yields unexpected sunnier result.

Friday's musing

New exciting things are happening. I pray and solemnly hope that every new exciting thing that is happening will bring more joy and love and devotion into my life.

I know and accept that changes will not happen unless I do something to make the changes. Therefore, I shall.

I'm not asking for much. I'm just asking for ease of living, ease upon dying.

I am grateful for every little thing that has been bestowed on me. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I could not ask for more than what has been given. It is enough and I do feel fulfilled. Of course, not being a hypocrite, I would wish for more wealth, but I believe this will come in time when I am ready for it.

Therefore, with everything that I have now, Alhamdulillah. Shukran Ya Rabb.

Why am I writing this here? Because every time I think about this, I feel blessed. And writing it down serves as a reminder. I hope to come back to this post again and again.

Have a nice weekend!

I don't drink COKE

I watched the Golden Globe Awards re-run last night. Just a bit. There was no mention about the Palestinians plight, the invasion that is going on, no emotional announcement or heartfelt call for a moment of silence for the suffering, blood and tears. Nothing. In fact, they awarded the Israelis with the Best Foreign Film category.

Well, it was not unexpected. America, after all is one of Israel's best friends. I see the award as an indirect way of saying they support the terrorism upon the Palestinians.

How sad.

Coming back to Malaysia where there are calls to boycott American products which are directly or indirectly contributing to Israel. I see this act as a voice of protest. Some people say it's a futile act where no change will emit from it. Some say it's ridiculous because it means, we should stop using the computer altogether because it comes from America! We should not use our cars because some parts come from there!

Come on people. Why so stupid?

The question is, what can you do without? Coca Cola. Cigarettes. Jack Daniels. American potato chips (they cost too much anyway). And yes, McDonalds. And everything else that you can live without.

We admit that our lives are pretty much swimming around Western products and there is nothing we can do about it until we, the Easterners, DO something about it. Why do you think Tun Mahathir made the call Pandang ke Timur long time ago? He wanted us to get use to using our people's products so we won't rely on the Americans and Europeans. But did we listen to him? Or did we mock him?

Remember, God won't change our destiny if we don't do something to change it ourselves. The product boycott might not change anything. It might be a personal choice like what the DPM is saying. But it's a sign. A HUGE statement that we can live without the US of A. We can do without them. And we, the people of the WORLD are against their actions. THAT is what we are saying. THAT is what we are telling.

An Excerpt from Minda Mufti

Quoting Ustaz Asri of Minda Mufti:

"Islam is a fair religion. Islam never teaches Muslims that non-Muslims are their enemies. The protest against violence is also carried out by non-Muslims. The Muslims only go to war against the people who declares war against the Muslims; whether the animosity is based on hatred for the religion or just because they want to terrorize other people.

Islam does not accept and oppose violence wherever it is committed. Whether on Muslims or non-Muslims, on humans or animals, even to the environment. We Muslims protest against the violence committed to our brothers and sisters in faith in Palestine in the name of Islam and humanity. Other people (the non-Muslims) protest in the name of humanity.

If violence are committed against the non-Muslims, we, the Muslims, will still protest the act in the name of Islam and humanity. This is because, the Islamic principles include the humanity principles. Therefore if none protest against this act of terror and violence, the person has neither the Islamic principles nor the humanity principles."


"Islam bersikap adil. Islam tidak pernah menyatakan setiap mereka yang tidak menganut Islam itu adalah musuh Islam. Demonstrasi di seluruh dunia pada hari ini turut dilakukan oleh mereka yang bukan Islam. Islam hanya bermusuh dengan mereka yang melancarkan permusuhan dan kezaliman kepada umat Islam. Samada permusuhan itu atas kebencian kepada agama ini, atau atas sikap yang ingin menzalimi orang lain.

Kemudian, Islam tidak menerima dan membantah kezaliman di mana sahaja ia dilakukan. Samada ke atas muslim atau bukan muslim, samada kepada insan atau binatang dan alam. Kita membantah kekejaman ke atas saudara seakidah kita di Palestin atas nama Islam dan kemanusiaan. Orang lain membantah atas dasar kemanusiaan.

Jika mereka yang bukan Islam dizalimi, kita tetap akan membantah atas dasar Islam dan kemanusiaan. Ini kerana prinsip Islam merangkumi prinsip kemanusiaan sejagat. Namun jika ada yang langsung tidak membantah, maka dia tiada prinsip Islam dan prinsip kemanusiaan."

Changes

So much things in life are changing. Even the petrol price has gone back down to almost it's previous price. I heard this morning, it might be reduced some more by next month. Hmm... So, when will the price for everything else is going to change? Or is that just a wishful thinking?

So much things in life are changing. Sometimes it makes you wonder if you're moving too fast? Or are you moving because you really want to or just because you think it's time to change or simply because others expect you to move on? Let's not get side tracked and jump onto the bandwagon eh? Changes might also start to creep you up even though initially you welcomed it with open arms. Because only when they start to happen will you realise other things will start to change because the initial changes will impact other people as well. Hah! Wasn't that a mouthful?

Some things tend to change for the better while some will smoothly slide down into the drain. Relationships will be affected good or bad. Communications flows swiftly or get confused in the middle. Friends stay or go. People you think you have special connection with might just be another stranger in the midst. Funny thing, change is.

Whilst we might not care how the change we start impacts other people, it will relatively come back to us. And if we were to scrutinise every detail, every little reaction the change might or will cause, we will not take that next step to make the change happen. So, what do we do? After all calculations are completed, after all semantics are considered, after all effort and will, after all that and more, what's left is just to pray for the best and may the Lord guide us swiftly through.

For Allah won't change our destiny if we do nothing to change it. But since He is the most merciful and most compassionate, we should not fear the direction that we choose, or the change that we make will make us suffer. Ergo, faith and believe will manifest good vibes, if the change we chose to make is intended for the better. God willing, everything will go smoothly, maybe with little hiccups here and there so that we can learn from one another and from the experience, but everything will go smoothly. And everything will be alright.

So say the optimist. And Jade, by all accounts was and hopefully still IS an optimist.

30 Ramadhan

On this last night of Ramadhan, I am pondering. What has the month done to me or more apt, what have I made the month to be for me? Have I done enough? Have I truly did my best? I would very much like to answer yes, but I know I should be truthful. The answer is no. And like so many years before, I feel sad.

On this last night of Ramadhan, I admit I have not done as much as I could have. I have wasted the blessed month. And it's ending. If I live long enough to see it again next year, then I'll get another chance.

I truly hope and pray whatever little things that I did is accepted and blessed. I truly hope so. I am not perfect, neither am I the best servant to Him. I aspire to be better everyday, but lame as it may sound, I am only human. I should have fought harder, sacrificed more. But nafs is still stronger than Iman. What a shame. Did I win the war? Because it feels like I lost... :-(

This is a lament of a person who is humbled by the greater power. This is a lament of a person who wants to be better. And this is prayer and hope that it will be answered, one day. InsyaAllah.

Here's to a blessed Eid for everyone.

Auspicious It Is! Ameen!

It is a Friday. It's the Olympic Games Opening Night.It's a day with auspicious number. Even so, it is not suitable to get hitched today (according to the numerological guru).

Few days back one of the skeleton in the closet came knocking. Instead of answering the knock, I again repeated the same question that I asked every year every time it came knocking for the past five years. And the answer remains the same. This time around it's because there will be some celebration in November. I finally decided that enough is enough. I hope this time the skeleton understand where both of us stand. And I'm leaving it to the Almighty to decide on the outcome. Although I hope everything will turn out great for all.

Friends. You can't live with them, you can't live without them. Sometimes they are well meaning in their actions without thinking of the consequences. I am blessed with great friends. Just this week I made contact with several of my old friends. I'm glad. It has been years.

What goes around comes around. I believe in Karma. And I believe that what we face as challenges are the reason why we're still here. God tests us with things that He knows we're able to face.

On this day, the king of all days, I am taught by Him the greatness of being fair and just. Of being able to put yourself in someone's shoes (and I'm not talking about the skeleton, because skeletons don't wear shoes!).

Yesterday morning, the front desk lady was extremely rude to me. Never had I experienced a stranger screaming at me like that. And I did nothing wrong at all, I was asking for her assistance. So, instead of screaming back at her, I went straight to the management office and filed a complain. Today I met with the manager in charged and my suspicions were correct. She's a single mother and she was having trouble at home. I just put that image in my head yesterday to stop myself from saying not so nice things to her... And it turned out to be true. I told the manager that I do not want her to be terminated, I just want her not to repeat that attitude again because no one deserve to be treated like that. I hope whatever they do, they won't terminate her. I was told that she had already being given warning letter yesterday evening and a talk this morning. I hope that would be it.

So, lesson for today, before reacting to intimidation or rudeness, maybe it's wiser to step back and be the person for a while. We're humans after all. We're not spared from being emotional when trouble is brewing at home, kan?

Famous saying, what goes around comes around. Karma bebeh!