Sydney Trip Recap

Baby Hana is an excellent travel buddy. Maybe it’s her age that makes her agreeable. Or maybe it’s her genuine sunny disposition. Or maybe she’s in tuned with the surrounding and knows that it’s only her and her Mommy travelling; so she goes easy on me. :-) Whatever the reason is, I am thankful and relieved that it went so well and needless to say, painless.

The flight time to Sydney coincide with her morning nap, so that’s a plus. Alhamdulillah. I nursed her immediately when I settled on my seat, while everybody else was boarding. My seat was an aisle seat, in the middle row. No, there was no bassinet. However, I highlighted to the FA and hoped for the best. I told her that I do not mind sharing the bassinet or if there’s none, at least an empty seat next to me. What I got was, both! She managed to secure a seat with bassinet and the seat next to me was unoccupied. Alhamdulillah. Flight was full with parents with toddlers and young children. And as what Sharky told me, most of them have exceed the requirement for getting bassinets. :-)

Baby Hana slept most of the time on the plane. I managed to catch two movies! Sometimes when I saw her turning her head left and right, I just massage her ears a bit, in hope that it might relief the discomfort. Maybe it did, because she settled to sleep again.

We didn’t went around much in Sydney. On Saturday after we arrived, The Hubby brought us to walk around the market in The Rocks near Circular Quay. On Sunday we went to Hyde Park and Darling Harbour. Then the next Saturday before we left, we went to the Taronga Zoo. Weekdays were spent indoors; Baby Hana had a little flu. That experience is priceless to me, because it really gave me the confidence that I can take care of my daughter on my own. :-)

Days were short, nights arrive early. The Hubby is a little disappointed that we could not go out for dinner. And sad for us because we didn’t get to sight seeing. Honestly, I did not mind at all, since my intention to go there was mainly to visit him and let Baby Hana get re-acquainted with her Bapak.

On the flight back, Baby Hana opted to be awaked most of the time and talk. Yes, talk. She smiled and laughed a lot. And sleep for half an hour or so every time. I think the longest was only about a little more than an hour.

The most radical changes that I noticed ever since we went to Sydney was her sleeping time; now she sleeps less during the day, short naps is more accurate to describe it. She sleeps longer during the night. She is also more conversational now. She gurgles and chuckles and smiles and laughs. She babbles a lot. Once, I think it was our second night in Sydney, she babbled to sleep! And The Hubby had it on record! Now, she can really sleep on her own. I can put her in bed, and let her go to sleep by herself.

My baby is growing up fast, and I am feeling my age more. And I wonder, when the next change will be. :-)

First Night Without Him 2

The Hubby has safely arrived in Sydney yesterday evening. Another 3 months away…

This time, on the first night without him, I brought Baby Hana to sleep with me on the bed. It’s more for my sake, than hers. I think she had a restless night last night. She’s always sleeping soundly in her own cot, but when she’s sleeping in the big bed, she will wake up every hour. I do not know if it is psychic or psychology of her subconscious mind that is telling her mother is very near. So for tonight, she’s in her own bed.

Him being away this time, seems a little harder to me. Maybe it’s because we just been given a daughter. Maybe because it’s thousands of miles away as compared to last time. And maybe because this time, I will not be seeing him as often as when he was in Brunei last year.

Friends are saying I will get use to him being away. But to be honest, even when he’s gone for one night for his photography job, I feel his absence. Even when he’s away for the whole day for an assignment, I feel empty. So, how is it possible that I will get use to him being away for weeks or months? And frankly, I don’t think I want to get use to him being away. As much as it pains (?) me or makes me sad that he’s away, I’d rather feel the sadness than not feeling anything at all. Does this mean I’m the clingy sort? Erks?!!

Anyway, on the bright side of the story, it’s a great opportunity for him, and insyaAllah more rezeki for us. And everytime I feel a little melancholic, I will remind myself on our promise that we will not make the other person lose opportunities just so that we don’t feel sad. We will not hold the other person back from achieving what we could in life, at work or personally. Of course, everything has its place and time, and whatever decision that we make, it’s for the better, insyaAllah.

Three weeks ago, I turned down an opportunity, a possibly lucrative opportunity just after one phone call. But money is not everything in life. And with the new addition, my priorities have to be set correctly. Any opportunities, however promising and money-making, The Hubby and Baby Hana will have to come first. It’s not because I’m becoming less driven professionally, I just don’t believe in being driven at the expense of my loved ones. I’m still driven professionally, obviously, or I wouldn’t be actively looking for new position as I am now! He he he…

Well, I think I’m digressing. I am missing my soul mate. Thank God for Skype. Although it’s not the same, at least we can still look at each other and make faces! Okay, I make the faces… :-p I love you Boochi Boo!! Take care, mate!

11 days later

I was not a beautiful elegant lady during and after the birth. My face was void of blood, my eyes were puffy, my legs were swollen. The epidural made my legs heavy, ponstan was making me lethargic. Now I understand why French women have their magic potion ready by bedside to be used after the long hours of labor. Clarins has one of those, it’s called Flash Beaute. I had planned to get it, but it slipped my mind once I’m settled at my parents’ abode.

Looking back at my picture with The Hubby and Baby Hana at the hospital, although there was smile on my face, it will always remind me of the experience in the labor room; The Hubby’s face of helplessness, the sharp jarring pain, The Doctor’s encouraging voice, the nurses worried faces, my mom’s anxious looks, then the moment Baby Hana was put on my tummy with The Doctor reciting the Iqamah, Baby Hana’s first cry, Hubby’s voice in my ear while the etonox muddled the pain of being stitched up, The Hubby’s grip on my hand while we watch our baby being examined… The images will flood my mind one after another, overlapping between before and after.

Yes, I did not have an easy first birth. I know some people do. The saying about having big bottoms will have easy birth, it’s a myth. I have big butt (and I’m not lying about it) but well, you know the story. Haih, I hope my story doesn’t scare any mothers-to-be as it’s an experience no women should deny if they have the chance to it.

Let me tell you, the feeling once it was all over. When Baby Hana was put on my tummy, the feeling is indescribable. For me, it was almost similar to the day when The Hubby accepted the aqad. The way you look at this little thing suddenly changed. For 9 months all I could see was a projected image on the screen and pieces of printed photo, but now, here she is. A living, breathing little person, and I cannot help but cried a little. She is so small and she is totally dependant on people around her to love her, to care for her. At the end of the day, all the pain are totally worth it. I did not cry once while I was in pain, but I could not stop the tears when I look at my daughter.

I have a husband. And I have a daughter.

I am still, after one year of marriage marveling at the fact that someone is willing to share his life with me. It still bring tears of humility and happiness whenever I think about it. And now I have another miracle bestowed upon me. My very own child. Every time I look at her, all trusting and full of wonders, I could not help but thank Allah for giving me this chance. I don’t mind if this is the only one, for I am determine to raise her right, insyaAllah. Quality over quantity, that’s my take.

Tomorrow is our first check-up with the doctors after the delivery. I’m so looking forward to be out there, and breathe the polluted air! Ha ha ha… Baby Hana has appointment with her paed, I hope she will stay an angel that she is. He he he… wishful thinking eh?

Owh, my next post I guess, will be about this confinement period and how I’m handling it. ;-)

The Birth Story

I better start writing this while it is still fresh in my mind. I do not want to lose any detail of this first time. This experience also reminded me on how you can wish and pray for something, but Allah SWT will always have a better plan for you. And you must redha and be thankful. Always.

Thursday, 10/02/2011

We went for check-up, prepared to be admitted that evening. Doctor said I was 2cm dilated and very soft, which means it will be anytime from there on. She said if I don’t deliver the next day, it will be over the weekend. So, it was up to me if I wanted to be induced on Friday. The Hubby let me decide although later on he said he was not yet prepared mentally. :-) Truth be told, if I really think about it, I was not ready neither.

We went back, holding hands in the car, hearts beating furiously, at least for me. The Hubby had to go back to the office. I started to feel pain once or twice every hour that night. And every time the pain came, I would be quiet suddenly. Sometimes, the pain came every 15 minutes. But we made it through the night without having to rush to the ER.

Friday, 11/02/2011

The D-day. We went to Tawakal Hospital early, straight to the admission counter. All rooms were full so I was ushered straight to the labour room. There’s no turning back. It was almost 10 am. The nurse prep me quickly, change of clothes, a chair in front of the toilet door, and few minutes later, it’s heart beating fast waiting for the doctor. Mak was waiting outside the labour ward since only husbands were allowed in. At this moment, I could still smile and joking with The Hubby. I think he took one picture of me, all smiles.

Doctor came at almost noon. While she was examining me, my water broke. So, doctor, with confidence told me that she’ll give it four to six hours. The pain with capital P came after noon. I overcame hurdle after hurdle. It started to peak at around 3pm. I could not watch The Hubby’s face, because I could see how helpless he felt. He wanted to help to massage me, but I said no, he wanted to talk to me and I just wanted quiet, he kept asking me to tell him what he could do for me and all I can say was “there’s nothing you could do for me now, sayang” which I know broke his heart even more. I believed he did not stop praying and making dua’ all the time. Doctor came again at 4pm and asked me again if I really do not want epidural, which I replied in positive. Doctor left. Nurse came in and checked the CTG, she looked a little worried and told me The Baby’s heartbeat was a little erratic. She said it was because I was stressed and The Baby is feeling it too. Nurse said not to worry about taking epidural since almost everyone is taking it, including her. I told her I just don’t want drugs on my baby and again came the familiar statement that the medication does not effect the baby. She left me to decide, and I looked at The Hubby.

Hubby again left it up to me, because he knows how strongly I feel about the matter. In the end, I decided to take it, because I do not want to risk The Baby. When the nurse came to explain about epidural, I just told her that, skip the explanation and just go ahead and do it. Ha ha ha… I think the nurse was taken aback, but at the moment, I was only thinking of The Baby. When the anesthetist came to administer the epidural, I was oblivious to everything, my eyes were closed to overcome the next wave of pain. He tried to administer while I was lying down on my side but could not, so he asked the nurse to sit me up and bent forward. The Hubby had to wait outside while all these being done. The effect was immediate. I felt cold a moment, and then, no pain. But I felt the urge to pass motion from time to time, and that was my trigger for pushing.

The epidural was administered at 5pm. I was fully dilated by 7pm, but The Baby is still nowhere near being delivered. Doctor came and said if by 8pm no change, I will have to go for C-sect. I felt really sad at that time, and it pushed me to work even harder, although I do not know how much harder could I add to the push. I felt I had given all I can. I was asked to lie on my left side, and push when the urge to do so came. That’s what I did, non-stop.

Doctor came in at 8pm and told us there is a final attempt for a normal delivery. Which is to vacuum the baby out. While doctor was explaining and preparing, I kept on pushing whenever I felt the urge. On one of the push, The Doctor said that she could see The Baby’s hair and in the midst of it, I actually asked for clarification, “Baby has hair?” and all eyes were on me. He he he… I heard The Doctor said a while later that she’s going to do a little cut on me and during that time, I do not care that I did not want episiotomy either. I just want The Baby delivered safely. On one of the push, suddenly The Baby was on my tummy and I just could not believe what I was looking at. She was a little blue because she was stucked too long in the birth canal. The birth was difficult because she was facing up.

Alhamdulillah, after all that, my beautiful baby girl, Hana, was delivered at 8:27pm on 11th February 2011.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter I did not get a drug free birth experience or sans episiotomy, all that matter is that my daughter was delivered safely and she’s a healthy baby.

She is 7 day-old today. We will do a little doa selamat session amongst us, and The Hubby will shave her head. InsyaAllah her Aqiqah is already administered by EzyQurban today.

Thank you to all of you who prayed for us, for our safety, for our health. We are forever thankful. After all that, I do believe, that we, The Hubby, Baby Hana and I are really blessed. Thank you Allah.

It’s Here!

TO MY HUSBAND,

HAPPY FIRST ANNIVERSARY!

I adore you, I love you

May we keep adoring and loving each other for more years to come!

And here’s to having more of our wishes and dreams come true as we journey through this sea of life together.

 

p.s: image was googled.

It’s Been A Year!

Tonight, one year ago, I was doing last minute preparation for the big day. Sharky was with me, making sure the room is ready. We put on the bed sheet, decorated the side table, tied ribbons to the flimsy drapes, etc. Downstairs, my aunties are doing things that I cannot remember now. I remember going down and being asked to go to bed. But I was too hyped to go to sleep. It’s the turning point. I wrote a blog post while waiting for my wedding bouquet to arrive: Last one before tomorrow.

Tonight, a year later, I am 32 weeks pregnant with our first child, The Hubby is watching movie on his laptop, and I’m feeling mellow again. Ha ha ha… In one year that we’ve been together, so many things have happened, we learn (still are!) each others’ quirkiness, all of which my sincere hope, bringing us even much closer together. We have our differences, but nobody said anything about agreeing on everything once you’re husband and wife, right? We keep our individuality no matter what.

A year later, watching television these days, I’m watching it with my motherhood cap on. There are so many things that I have to do to ensure my child reap the benefits and learn from the negativities. I thought I’d be those cool moms where everything is A-okay, but I guess it’s like what The Hubby said, “Mothers mean business, Fathers mean fun”. Ha ha ha… I don’t know where he got that. But I guess, between the two of us, I’ll be the sour plum. But I reverently hope that whatever I do or say, I’ll be educating my child and not building walls between us.

A year ago, I had goose bumps every time I think about the next day. Tonight, I’m getting goose bumps thinking of what lies ahead in less than two months. I pray that everything will go smoothly and both of us will be healthy. There are still things to buy for The Baby’s arrival. We’ll do it soon. I am yet to pack my hospital bag. Maybe I should do it this weekend.

So, in this post, I’d like to thank all my family members who worked really hard making my special day happened in the most special way. Special thanks to Sharky for being there for me, right by my side, giving words of encouragement and jokes that I could not remember now. Also thanks to Cindy for being there while I was preparing for my reception ceremony and agreeing with my choice of accessories and hairstyle instead of the mak andam’s.

I truly have a charmed life. Things are not always smooth but it always turn out right. To my beloved husband, I love you with all my heart. Here’s to our first year together, darling. May there’ll be more to come.

The Baby is Growing Healthily

This morning we went for our check-up. I am almost 31 weeks now. The Baby is now 1.9kg! Doctor said The Baby should be around 2.9kg on delivery day. She, the doctor, advised me to control my sugar intake. I admitted to her that I’ve been eating a lot of ice cream recently (Baskin Robbin’s White Winter Chocolate…. It’s heavenly) because I have been feeling weird taste in my mouth. And apparently sweet stuff; read: ice cream, eliminates it! She mentioned that it’s okay of the baby is small, between 2.6kg to 2.8kg; easier for the baby, easier for the mommy. She asked whether I purposely want a big 3kg plus baby. Ha ha ha… Well, so far, the record showed; from my mother and my cousin, all their babies are 3.5kg and above! Personally I do no have any target for the baby’s weight, but I’d prefer it to be less than 3kg… :-) Let The Baby grow fatter and bigger once it’s delivered, yeah?

So, today I received a new prescription. ObiminPluz. I was a little confused in the beginning because there was no more folic acid prescribed. But apparently ObiminPluz has sufficient amount of folic in it. It also contain fish oil and DHA supplement. So, all in one, no need to buy extra! Read more on this multivitamin here: Obimin Pluz. So, I believe, combined with good balanced diet, everything should be okay, insyaAllah.

Today, the doctor confirmed again The Baby’s gender. So, would you like to guess? All baby stuff that we have purchased so far are in whites or neutral colours. My child, be it boy or girl, will have fun with colours. He he he…

We went to see the Labour Room and the Maternity Ward after the check-up. I like what I saw. And since the doctor and I are in the same page when it comes to episiotomy and epidural, I could not be happier. Alhamdulillah. There is a reason why we had the scare in the beginning which directed us to Tawakal Hospital after that. And there is a reason why I immediately chose Dr. Siti Zaleha from the list. And I believe these are the blessings in disguise. I have a healthy and easy pregnancy so far which I am so thankful for. I hope the easy journey will continue until delivery and after. InsyaAllah. Please pray for me as well my friends.

Last week, I had a studio photoshoot. Well, home-studio. And with my personal photographer; The Hubby. We had fun. I’m big. And round. And this is one of those pictures taken:

 

Of course, the idea of standing on the scale is mine. :-p I am now 71 – 72kg. Ten kg extra from before pregnancy. I was working hard to reduce my weight into the 50s earlier this year. Ha ha ha… But did not make it before The Baby decided to join us. So, once the pregnancy is confirmed, there are no more weight loss targets. I just want to be healthy and just making sure I don’t balloon up too much. So far, doctor says it’s normal and healthy, so I am happy.

We plan to have another photo shoot after my exam next week. So, Sarcy!!! When do you want to do yours?

KPJ Selangor Specialist Antenatal Class

Fee: RM80 per couple
Time: 9:00am to 6:00pm
Instructor: Pn. Faridah Abd Majid
Meals: 2 Milo breaks and lunch

Syllabus:

• Care During Pregnancy
• Diet & Pregnancy
• Pain Relief During Labour
• Process of Labour
• Care of Newborn
• Exercise During Pregnancy
• Breathing Technique During Labour – Lamaze Technique
• Importance of Breastfeeding and Breastfeeding Techniques
• Bathing of Baby
• Tour of Labour Room and Post Natal Ward

It was a great session I would say. I have learned quite a few new things. Especially the Lamaze breathing techniques. If you have done yoga before, you would see the similarity with yoga breathing exercise. The breathing technique is to enable the woman in labour to control the pain instead of being controlled by pain. Obviously it will not eliminate the pain, but it will help to relax the muscle and slow down your heart rate to induce overall relaxation.

I am still skeptical about episiotomy. Yes, I can understand the logic behind the action, the reason they are doing it. But I also belief that our body is well equipped to adjust to the changes. Of course, there will be circumstance where assistance is needed especially if the baby is big. I guess, this is the reason why episiotomy is considered necessary. Anyway, the jury is still out for me on this matter. I will discuss it with my doctor and ask her opinion.

As for pain relief, this to me is really up to the individual. Everyone’s pain threshold is different. None of us are the same. Our mother had to endure it because the option might not be available at that time. Nowadays, we can opt for it if we want to. There are circumstance where epidural is absolutely necessary, maybe because the woman had some medical history relating to pain. One cannot judge another for choosing to use pain relief. For this one, unless it is really necessary for me to use it, I will do it drug free, insyaAllah. May He give me the strength and patience.

Breastfeeding. Well, even in the class they say every woman CAN breastfeed their babies. I personally feel that you will only know the truth when you experience it yourself. I have few friends who has difficulty in breastfeeding their babies. But I don’t see they bond lesser with their babies. Granted, breastfeeding seems to be closer in a sense between the mother and the baby. But, hey, there are lots of ways to bond, right? You just have to find the best way for you and your baby. :-)

And there is such thing as baby massage to create the bonding. Although there was not enough time for us to be guided during the class for this, the participants are given a CD produced by Johnson’s Baby on step-by-step guide to perform infant massage. I have watched the video and I belief everyone can do this. Including the fathers!

This is my first antenatal class, therefore I cannot say that it’s the best in town. What I can say though is that for the fee that we paid, it’s worth every ringgit! I believe The Hubby and I have learned a lot. And as The Hubby said, “I cannot unsee what I have seen”. The materials were provided with clarity and Q&A session is handled well. We were also very fortunate that Pn.Faridah is willing to share beyond the training materials. She suggested few recipes to try during pregnancy as well as when the baby starts to eat solid food. How to get your child to eat everything and how you can create variety in your everyday meal.

Owh, two videos were shown; the birth process sans the sound, and the breastfeeding techniques.

So, obviously I recommend people to go to antenatal class. And if you do choose this class in KPJ Selangor Specialist, I can say you will not regret it. :-) Besides, any new knowledge is a gem to our beings, right?

ps: It’s a good idea to go with your spouse. Because, they will be the ones who will guide you during labour on the things you learnt in the class; that is… if they don’t collapse first! ;-)

Why We Nag

There are a lot of marriage jokes out there. The ones which make fun of the husbands, wives and in laws; especially in laws on the wife’s side. Sad, but true.

Yes, they are funny. Yes, they are entertaining. And when someone says it’s demeaning, another person will quickly respond with, “Come one… lighten up, it’s just a joke..” and snickers.

But, because of these “just jokes”, little by little, people lose respect towards each other. Relationship goes sour because one person in the partnership suddenly thinks that the joke is somewhat true. Yeah, maybe I’m being a little of a sour puss here, but hey, this is what I think.

There are reasons why a wife nags. There are so many jokes out there about nagging wives, but let me tell you, nagging comes with the territory. It’s the level of nagging that differs from one woman to another. So, if you see your best friend’s wife seems like a good sport, letting the husband do "”almost” everything he likes, take it with a pinch of salt. It does not mean the wife does not nag. Ehem.

Let me give you one good reason why a wife nags. Clutter and cleanliness. Well, two reasons.  Let’s face it, when you’re a working woman, weekend is the time to rest AND the time for spring cleaning.

A wife will nag when she has spent hours cleaning, only to have the place torn apart again just the next day. And especially when it seems like she’s the only person who cares to keep the house clean and homely.

A wife will nag, when a simple task such as taking out the garbage has to be reminded, instead of being done automatically once the bin is almost full.

A wife will also nag, when there’s a leaky pipe in the house that needs fixing or a blown bulb that needs replacing; but seem to go un-noticed by the rest of the household. When there are things which do not belong in say, the living room, but they just seem to be lying around everywhere.

Someone told me before that it’s a little easier to clean the house when the husband is not around, because it’s better for the husband not to know how much work needs to be done. So, most housewives have this luxury of making their houses to homely homes just because they have time in their hands. And there are no interruption from the other half.

Admit it, as much as you want your other half to give a helping hand with the works around the abode, you would rather do everything on your own, just the way you like it. *Wink*.

The Hubby is worried that I get too tired or sick doing the work around the house. But, truthfully, if I don’t do it, it feels as if I’m living in someone else’s house. Yes, it’s tiring, and yes, I pull muscle at times, but through all the grumbles, it’s just more worth it. And just because I’m pregnant, it does not mean the work has to stop. Since I’ve been away from gym for 7 months now, housework is my exercise. And it does keep me in shape, keep my weight in check.  And honesty, I cut back a lot on the housework. And that is why now I have ants and cockroaches. Haish! It makes me crazy.

Maybe I should call the cleaner next week. Yeah. maybe I should do just that.

New Terms that I Learn

With this new experience of having a life growing inside me, comes new information and knowledge that I gladly learn. Not only they come from the books that I read or the websites that I visit, they from from my personal experiences which had me scavenging the internet for more information. But my readily source of information when it comes to pregnancy is Momster.

Like I mentioned before, Momster is expecting her second child after five years. The gap is not by choice, but because of her own unique life experiences. As each and everyone of us will go through different adventures with reasons that varies. Some people because it’s their own choice or decision, others because it’s fate and just how it’s deemed to be by the Almighty.

So, coming back to the topic at hand, it’s from Momster that I learnt new terms with regards to pregnancy. I hope by sharing this information here, other people will benefit from them too! So, here are two terms that the conditions I have experienced first-hand now at 21 weeks:

• Braxton Hicks Contraction
• Round Ligament Pain

Braxton Hicks Contraction is a painless contraction not to be confused with actual labour contraction. In fact, contractions on the area happens all the time but it is more noticeable during pregnancy because of the pressure that is continuously building as the pregnancy progress. Read more on this condition HERE. (source: About.com)

Round Ligament Pain happens usually when you change position suddenly. Like last night, when I attempted to roll over, while lying on the bed, I felt a sharp jab like cramping on the lower abs area. Stroking the area gently back and forth eased the sensation slowly. Read more on this condition HERE. (source: Babycenter.com)

I know as the weeks pass, more new experience will come to surface. They are just to be expected. As it was when I was getting ready to get married, a lot of well meaning friends and relatives give their opinions and advices on pregnancy and giving birth. Appreciating them as I do, for these people had went through the adventure, I have to listen to them ALWAYS with a pinch of salt. I do find solace in few people including Mak (my mom) because these few people sound more encouraging and positive. And I am so thankful that I have these people in my life.

I am also thankful for having such understanding and supportive husband. As we are learning to live and grow together, now we are adjusting to the new addition. An uncle once told The Hubby, “These are the times for husbands to be extra patient” and how true that statement come to be. And I can only solemnly hope and pray that The Hubby’s resilience and support remains constant as the D-day comes closer.

I am getting rounder…

It has been… more than two weeks since my last update. Much has happened. I supposed it is not yet too late to wish all Muslims Eid Mubarak. And after all the food and more to come in the next two weeks because of the open houses every where, just make sure you compensate by exercising or taking less food while you’re on normal days.

I am into my 20 weeks of pregnancy now. And I frequently feel the Baby moving these days. And it amazes me every time. As with the visits to the O&G. Wednesday was my 20 weeks visit, and we were hoping to know the gender. However, the Baby was in prostrating form, and it was not possible to determine whether it is a “she” or a “he”. Well, we are not really concern about the gender, as long as the Baby is healthy and cukup sifat as our mothers would say. So, we shall wait for another four weeks to find out!

It is true when people say second trimester is the best time during pregnancy. Well, so far I’m comparing with the first trimester, and it’s true enough. No more frequent nausea feeling, Alhamdulillah. Although there were times when I feel the gagging motion because of intense smell around.

As for food, I’m eating everything. No exception. I lost 1 kg during the puasa month when we went for the 4th month check-up. However, yesterday, I gained 2.5kg! Initially the doctor looked worried, but after measuring the Baby, the weight gain corresponds with its size. If lucky star is on my side, the due date is going to be correct.

Hari Raya as a married lady is different. It was a very emotional one for me. Although my in-laws came down to KL to celebrate Eid here, I spent little time with my own parents and siblings. I missed another family gathering in Malacca, that’s the second time now. And when we did go back to Malacca, it felt more like a holiday visit then Eid, because every one has gone back. :-)

No, I am not complaining. I’m just stating that it’s different. And it is something that everyone has to go through once they are hitched! I’m sure the husbands feel the same when we spend time at our parents’ home.

One thing that I could not do this year during Eid… wear an awesome KEBAYA! So, this will be my objective next year!

I have been bombarded with a couple of questions lately. One; when is the open house, and two; when is the baby shower. For the former, just come over when you are in the area, let me know in advance so that I can prepare something. For the latter, isn’t it still too early?

Okay, for now, I shall pen (type) off. Take care everyone!

At 12 Weeks

It was my second check up with Dr. Siti Zaleha in Tawakal Hospital yesterday. We arrived slightly late, just about ten minutes after 9a.m. but I saw that our turn would be later. The doctor was away for her rounds, so we went for second breakfast at Yusuf Haslam’s join. Apparently, according to Mak, that’s where you see the whos in the entertainment industry. Ha ha ha…

We went back up and I suggested we take a look at the maternity ward. We bumped into our doctor as we stepped out from the lift. And The Hubby wanted us to go down immediately. Ha ha ha.. So, we waited for the next lift and went down. To a waiting area which was full with couples already.

As we waited, we passed the time chatting. And when the couple seated next to us went inside, we wondered when our turn would be. When they came out, there was a little commotion. Apparently the woman was feeling contractions already and she is to be admitted immediately. The Hubby started to get anxious while I was unexplainably, excited. Ha ha ha…

When our turn came, we sort of sighed in relief. It was almost 11:30am. And my flu (did I forget to mention that I was having flu and it’s been like that for a couple of days?) was getting worse. I kept on sneezing. After few words, the Dr. Siti ushered me to the bed. They have rearranged the bed and screens and I just look forward to watch.

The Baby was playing actively! Hands and feet were moving. At one point, The Baby turned its head towards the scanner and it seemed as if it was waving to us! Next, it was sliding from left to right which made The Hubby exclaimed in surprise, “What’s it doing?!”. Dr. Siti calmly replied that The Baby was just moving. She tried to get the hearbeat, but it went on and off because The Baby did not stay put. I was totally amazed and humbled.

It is an indescribable feeling. Anyone who has not seen this miracle before, whether you’re married or not yet, a parent or not, would feel the same, I suppose. Having said that I will not say, “Quick! Have a baby!” to anyone who has not. Yes, it’s very, very exciting but we must always remember that this is a rezeki and amanah that is bestowed. And for this, it has its own place and time.

Dr Siti gave me two days MC to let the flu settle. I told her I was downing Ribena all the while and not taking any medicine for it. So, she prescribed flu med and also gastric tablets to prepare for fasting month. I told her I planned to test fast today and so far, I’m doing well. Just minor headache in the afternoon and major thirst, but I’m alright. Tomorrow, I will again fast, but this time, off to work!

This morning, just before The Hubby went to work, there was a photo moment, when he sat beside me looking at The Baby’s ultrasound picture. His face was serene and just perfect. I did not have my camera handy, or else, it would make a very nice black and white photo. As it is, the moment is plastered in my memory, and hopefully relayed to The Baby. Isk.. Isk.. Syahdu pulak…

Most Unsettling Occurrences

I have been blessed in so many ways. I have nothing to complain but to always be grateful. I may not have so much excess monetarily, but in its place I am bestowed with other grandeurs and pleasures. And to always be thankful for what we have, we must always accept sincerely that Allah knows best and He give us what we need; not necessarily what we want.

While some people upon marital bliss, feel obliged(?) to dictate (advise sternly?) to their single friends or would-be wives the best course of managing the household plus the husband, I personally feel inadequate. In fact, I have no intention of giving unsolicited opinion when it comes to husband and wife relationship. For each couple is different.

However, there is one matter which disturb me gravely. As this matter happens to some of my friends, I am sure it is happening to those I am not privy of. Bottom line, husbands are providers. This person whom a wife has promised to stay true, putting her livelihood and future in his hands is the person who is ultimately responsible for the household matters and future of the family.

I have heard; in confidence; repressed feelings from those who are dear to me that their partners are not taking up the responsibility of providing. Whilst the husbands spend money on their hobbies and time with their friends, they apparently have forgotten to do two crucial things. Spend money on the household and time with the family (wife and kids).

Some husbands apparently take for granted the fact that their wives are career women. Thus, these capable ladies are not given pocket money, grocery money even money to buy the baby’s milk powder and essentials. Let’s not even touch money for the wives to buy their own clothes! In worst cases, the wives are the ones providing for the husbands…

I understand that in some household, the wives are the breadwinners, because they earn better pay. But that does not exclude the husbands from their responsibilities as the man of the house. Owh, they require the wives to treat them like a king, cook daily (maybe), clean the house, do the washing and so on. But they neglect to make the wives feel like a partner, instead of just a servant. It is sad, but it happens.

Relationship is a two-way street. Husbands are wise to remember that having a wife who could stand on her own is not a ticket to responsibility freedom, but that shows she does not need a man to live her life. Therefore, she could in any time, go to the Religious Department to request for the marriage to be annulled on the grounds of irresponsible husband. However, we don’t really see this happening, because wives after all are stoic creatures. Ever so loyal, ever so loving. That’s how women are built. We endure.

Until the day we choose to endure no more.

But, once children are in the calculation, there is another consideration. However, I personally feel that rather than have a harebrained of a husband as a role model for the kids, the women in this predicament, should they able to stand on their own, must be brave enough to do so. Make their stand. Yes, this is a little revolutionary, but we women must always prepare for rainy days. Hope and pray for the best, but always be prepared if the sun is fated to disappear.

Why I Adore Edward Cullen

… as I adore Bill the True Blood Vampire, Angel the Vampire with Soul, Blade the Day Walker.

They all have tortured hero persona about them. Ha ha ha… Except for Blade, the rest of them are very gentleman in their vamp self.

Take Edward Cullen for example. He is the perfect man in every woman’s fantasy. Gentle yet firm. Kind with hidden violence against wrongs. He is also puts his woman’s happiness above everything else. Not to mention always thinking about his woman in everything he does. A perfect man. And as perfection goes, it only lives in the fantasy world.

Look at Jacob Black. He is your everyday man. Impatient. Childish. Always believe that he’s right all the time. While he has some commendable characteristics, his antagonism speaks louder. Very persuasive and manipulative in getting everything to his way. Clearly, real woman prefers more matured man. This emotive beastly man speaks heavy baggage and could drain a woman dry. And he’s not even a vampire!

I watched Eclipse last night with The Hubby. The Hubby could hardly contain his gag reflex every time the characters (especially Edward) utter a very cheesy line. What can we say? The lines were written by a woman, from a woman’s perspective, to feed a woman’s fantasy. Because in our dreams, our men speaks to us in ways that melt our hearts every time. Who needs the reality when you’re traversing across the pages of a romantic novella, non?

Honestly though, I could not be melting every single time my man opens his mouth. That would be totally messy and physically draining, wouldn’t it? Hmmm… I certainly hope that line does not come with a double meaning. Ha ha ha… What I mean is, after all the fantasy romance with the perfect man of our dreams, we are more willing to spend the rest of our lives with the likes of a real man. And as we know, a real man is really a boy with bigger toys (I’m quoting this line). If we’re lucky enough to get a man who’s maturity goes beyond Jake’s pathetic attempt at being an adult, then all the better. Even if we’re not, at least what we have is real.

Ps: I did offer The Hubby to sit out on Eclipse. I told him I could watch it on my own… But he insisted… I love my husband. Hi hi hi… 

 

A New Beginning

My blog is going to get more and more domesticated. No more repressed feelings. No more bitter remembrances. Reason?

I’m looking to the future now. And nothing is going to stop me from doing just that.

See the new ticker above? Well, that’s what’s new in my life. In OUR lives. We are anxious and excited at the same time. I guess that is normal. The journey, albeit only 10 weeks, had been a slight roller coaster ride.

When we first found out, it was through the home test. Well, I was late, and I felt fat. And because I’m such an intelligent person (cheewaaahhh!) I sorta suspected it. Momster forced me to do the test while I was trying to be in limbo for a longer time. :-p

The Hubby was waiting anxiously for me to open the pregnancy test box. I didn’t know why it was so difficult to open it. He could not bear the suspense any longer and took the box away from me and ripped it open! Ha ha ha… Okay, “ripping it” is a bit to melodramatic because the box is still intact until today. But that’s just me describing the situation that night. It was before we went out to watch a movie. Hmmm… maybe he was afraid that we would be late for the movie! :-p

It was a plus sign. And we went to see the doctor near our house the next day. The doctor just took the pregnancy test from the night before as true and congratulate us. She asked us to come back in two weeks to do the first scan. I started on the folic acid. Later only that I knew, folic acid is supposed to be taken even before you get pregnant.

Few days later, I started to buy books. Ha ha ha… as below:

The last one is for The Hubby, of course! He he he… and let me tell you, I belief it has good impact on him. :-)

So, two weeks later we went to the same clinic for the follow up check-up. Owh… this is a dedicated maternity clinic and equipped with delivery room and maternity ward. Not that I had the chance to see around though. So, both of us are excited for the first scan. Just the other day The Hubby told me that I was glowing. He had such surprise in his face and I was reluctant not to believe him, because all I see in the mirror is my puffy face in the morning. Sigh.

The doctor ( a different lady doctor this time) asked the same questions while looking at my record from the previous visit. And she ushered me to the examining bed for the scan. After giving me a couple of minutes to get comfortable, she started to put the cool jelly on my slightly bloated tummy. It was a bit unpleasant actually, because of the pressure that she put. We saw the sac and The Hubby and I automatically linked our hands a while. And then, the bomb came. “Tak dapat cari heartbeat lah…” said the doctor (I cannot find the heartbeat).

I was speechless and immediately run through my head the things I did, the food I ate for the past weeks. I was kicked out from the gym by Mr Trainer, although I have not started working out yet. Just walked in and talking to him (with my gym bag on my shoulder of course). I was careful not to overdid the housework. I turned my head to look at The Hubby and my eyes started to teary… And the doctor suggested we scanned from below. I did not comprehend.

Until she started to change the scanner head and inserted it into a condom. Yikes! I was screaming in my head. It was VERY uncomfortable. And she still could not detect the heartbeat. Later her words to us; “Nak cuci sekejap jer, nak mengandung susah, so datang balik in two weeks lah yer?” (To clean it is fast, but to get pregnant is not easy, so come back in two weeks). I just nodded my head for whatever exchanged between The Hubby and the doctor was just a buzz to me.

The Hubby started to notice the change in me the moment we walked out from the room. I was very quiet. I was just feeling down. Later I shared the news with Momster and she told me to get second opinion. And since she had experience on miscarriage before she was being logical all the time. I tried to stay positive all week, but it was hard. And I could not bear it. So, I made an appointment to see another doctor, this time in Tawakal Hospital. It took place just a week after the sad visit.

Most of the operation in Tawakal Hospital just started at the new building that week. So, when we registered to see the doctor, we even get a goodie bag! We were the first couple to arrive, but had to wait a little while because they had problems with the network. I explained to the doctor about the situation and she quickly ushered me to the examining bed after checking my blood pressure.

The doctor explained that their scanner is 4D and I could see how big the difference is with the simple scanner in the maternity clinic. Not that I’m impressed by the look and size, because I was just dying to know whether I’m really carrying or if it’s a missed pregnancy. Less than a minute later the visual came up and I could clearly see the frantic movement in the sac. And the doctor said, “Tu, ada heartbeat.” (There’s the heartbeat). She switched on the audio and at that moment it’s the sweetest sound on earth, I swear. I didn’t realise that The Hubby and I were already holding hands. My eyes got teary and this time out of happiness. The doctor told me not to be worried. I think The Hubby was very relieved because he started to tell the doctor how I keep on worrying and feeling sad. So, I had a small lecture from the doctor because of that. And all I wanted to do was hug the doctor. But we just met, so I’ll save it for later I guess.

My next appointment was set a month from that date, which is end of this month, where I will complete my first trimester, InsyaAllah. Alhamdulillah. I’m happy with this new gift from The Almighty. And I pray all the good things for myself, The Hubby and our future child.

When I first knew I was pregnant, Momster was already a month or so ahead of me. It created such a bonding. And then I came to know her sister-in-law, who was my ex-colleague, Memey, was also pregnant, a week later than me. But as we rejoiced and get ready, many tests were put forward, like my case, and most recently, Memey lost hers. But I’m positive, and Momster concurred, that Memey will get re-pregnant very soon. Yes, I just invented a word I believe.

All in all, this tells us that we could only plan. And He is the one to decide for it to be or not to be. The Hubby and I did not plan to have kids so early, but we are being given the amanah to carry this miracle. So we accept wholeheartedly. I believe that everything will fall into place nicely because He will test us with tests that we could handle. If we were not sure about having a baby before, the scare we had confirmed that we actually want it. There you go. He knows what’s best for us and what we need. And who are we to question that, right?

So, here begins a new chapter in the Memoir of Looneypuff. It started out with me being all looney and girl power fighting machine. Well, I’m still all those, just not too intense like before. I was a sad person before. Always lamenting, always complaining, always feeling bereft and left out. But was always enjoying life to its fullest albeit the emptiness. I am now more grounded, I believe, and fulfilled. Alhamdulillah. And still enjoying life to the fullest!

To Noble Husbands Out There

Let me introduce you to one of the important device in the kitchen. It’s not electronics. Just a simple tool with a sophisticated mechanism. You’ll love it, trust me!

 

This is called a SINK STOPPER or TRAPPER. It is located in your wash basin and designed to stop leftovers from going into the sink’s piping system. Reason? To avoid putrid smell as well as blockage (Which later on will help decreasing the plumbing bills or attempts of DIY by yourselves).

So what do you do after you have washed the dishes and pots and pans? There will be items collected in the trap. And what you need to do is to take out the trap and just dump the items into the dustbin. After, wash the trap and the sink.

There! Now your kitchen sink is as shiny and clean and pretty as your wife left it!

The Hubby said this item was not included in the Gentlemen’s Guide Book. So, I’m just sharing this information for other husbands who are referring to the same book. :-p

A little more than six months now!

Marriage is just like dating. With the additional bonus you’re staying together. Day in. Day out. Sleeping with his the last face you see. Waking up with his back the first thing you see. It can become a pleasurable routine or it can be a boring repetition of events.

In addition to have your most loved, most cherished with you every single day, you have the house to take care. The bathroom to clean. The hall to vacuum. The kitchen to tidy. Not to mention fresh bedsheet every week (I couldn’t find time to do every three days, so weekly, even then The Hubby thinks I’m crazy). After all the cleaning and tidying up over the weekend, the only thing you want to do is sit back and be lazy for the rest of the day.

But wait, now that you have an extended family attached to the solemnization, you have visits to do and to receive. Which means, the weekly tidying up might not come to be. Which means, double cleaning (?) when you get back.

It’s tiring. My single life, I only had less than 1000sqft (minus my housemates’ rooms) to take care of. Now, it’s about 2000+sqft. Another reason why I miss condo living. ;-) If last time, it was only my clothes, which means, one machine load per week plus some handwashed items, now it’s probably three load. More to fold.

We have maids coming over occasionally, but I engage their help only when I’m truly exhausted and need major wash for the whole place. Because a day after the service, I will be doing the cleaning again. Reason: They don’t clean the way I do. So, to have them clean 75% of the dust and dirt is by all means still cleaning. Reason: They vacuum, but you can still see dust. So, it’s still assistance.

It’s tiring taking care of the house. I am truly amazed how my mother did it for over thirty years without maid’s help. Of course she’s a fulltime housewife, which means, she does a lot more a day than I can do in a week! Read Momster’s post here: CLEAN FREAK; because the way she was trained as domestic goddess is EXACTLY the same like I was. No kidding.

I haven’t begin cleaning the house’s sliding doors, windows and grills yet. That will totally shock The Hubby I’m sure. Not to mention the big garbage can outside the gate. My mom’s garbage can is cleaned each time the garbage collector comes. Seriously. All her pots can be substitutes for mirrors. Her stove is squeaky clean after each meal. You can practically lie down on her kitchen floor and sleep there. No icky, sticky feeling. Home in Gombak, always smell fresh and inviting.

And I want our house to be the same. I thrive in that living condition. I never knew I miss it so much until I come back home to a messy hall and overflowed plastic garbage in the kitchen.

So yes, married life can be a boring routine day in, day out. The question is not “why it’s becoming a routine”. The right question is “how to make this routine enjoyable”. That’s my take. And as to the how, I believe husband and wife needs to work together to make it work. Since both of us are working, it’s only fair that both of us take care of the piece of heaven that we’re living in.

I will not be sorry or apologise for being anal about house cleanliness. It’s just the way I am. And I know The Hubby appreciates it. And I know my parents-in-law appreciate it too. After all, it’s their son I’m taking care of. ;-) HINT! HINT!

Complains? Weeelllll… Don’t lie domestic goddesses! You complain and nag your husbands too, right? It’s inevitable. But husbands should know, when their wives put on that record to play, it’s because they care so much to make your living together more pleasurable. After all, what is married life if it’s exactly the same mess it was when we’re singles, right?

It’s tiring. But do it with honest heart, IKHLAS, it is worthwhile. Alas… we’re only humans. So, go figure. ;-)

I can now use the oven!

The electrician came and the kitchen’s wiring is finally fixed! And The Hubby surprised me by asking them to fix the balcony wiring as well! As such, I am now responsible to find a suitable light fixture. Yeay! By the way, I love their work; so neat and nice! I’d recommend them!

The renovation next door is still on going. But nearing its end I hope. Soon, there will be peace and tranquillity again. Hehe… So dramatic.

I think sometimes, in the quest of getting our partner to understand our needs, we fail to remember that we have to understand them too. We forget that our actions will also make them feel uneasy or sad. And just because they are men, it doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings. They will never admit it though, because it goes against their nature. Such is the manly-man.

Women need words. Don’t lie and say you don’t ladies. Because with words we feel comforted. When words turn into actions, it makes us feel over the top. Some women are comforted just by words and promises. And even i the men never get around to do what they said, the women still hang to more words. And I said, some.

Men on the other hand, are not so into words. Especially giving them. Receiving, they like it because it makes them feel adored and wanted. When giving words, it means they have to bare their emotions and feelings. In other words quantifying their feelings and acknowledging them. While they feel uneasy, women feel happier when they receive it. Because like men, it makes us feel adored and wanted.

No one ever said relationship is easy. And living together means all your actions and facial reactions are observed almost 24/7. And hearts are easily slighted because of this. I’ve got a lot of improvements to make. And everytime I need to, all I have to remember is to be ikhlas in everything I do. And no one ever said that relationship is one sided. Both parties have to work on it. ;-)

Mid Week Story

Except for toiletries and war paint items, my bag is packed for the weekend! Yes people, I'm spending the weekend with Mr. Hubby! Yeay! This is by far the longest that we have been apart since almost four years ago.

He he he... well.

Circumstances happened that allow us to have the house all to ourselves for the weekend. WAIT. Don't be over-excited. Mother nature decides to intervene and my "sister" is visiting. And she's mocking me by playing hard-to-flow.

Sharky suggested Coke, but I don't feel right to force nature. Although I did worked out as hard as I could in the gym just now, but still, my "sister" is being naughty. But I am sure she'll be flowing happily tomorrow.

Should I be talking about this anyway? Hmmm... What I really wanted to blog about was PMS. Because lately, it's been hitting me quite bad. Not only the occasional discomfort but the emotional limbo. PMS is considered a medical disease because a lot of women are either treated medically or psychologically or both! Some cases are so severe that it affects the lives of these women. Do you know that PMS hits two weeks before the cycle starts? That means, half of the month a woman is in a state of emotional limbo.

So, men, be kind to your spouses. Half of the time they did not mean to annoy you purposely. And the other half, you might want to reflect and think what have you done wrong. PMSing women are almost similar to pregnant women I suppose. Just be there for us, stop trying to understand why we act the way we do.

I know it seems easy to blame it on two weeks of PMS. But trust me when I say that a normally balanced woman, would have tried everything she could to adjust and recalibrate her state before she accepts defeat to emotional outburst. Every woman in a relationship does it. Whether it is with her husband, friends, kids, co-workers, bosses. She would have summoned every ounce of will before she succumbs to the power of feel.

And when that happens, you just need to be patient because she will calm down and crawl back into your arms. Well... at least, I do that. Ha ha ha... Crawl, that is.

The Project is Finally Started!

I am feeling a little better today. I did not receive any suggestion that could be put to use or things that I have not done before. BUT I did something yesterday that put a smile on my face. Before I explained what I did, let me just reiterate the events that trailed towards the activity.

I left the office earlier than usual because I needed to make payment to AmIslamic Bank. Funny enough, we could not still deposit money to AmIslamic Bank accounts using the cash deposit machine. Relatively, if you cannot use the machine to bank-in the money, you could not use fund transfer option via internet banking to do the same. This is all the computer stuff behind it where the mapping is not there yet. As such, I needed to go to the counter to perform the transaction.

When I reached the branch office, I was told that the system was down and they do not know yet when it will be up again. But the officer at the counter was helpful where she suggested to do a manual deposit and she will key it in the system when it comes back up. I agreed and not ten seconds later was told that the system is back up! Wonderful.

Why do I insist on telling this piece of event? I used to be AmBank employer until eight years ago. :-) And I was there when the whole merging thing was done. I remembered how it affected my paycheck and bonus. Ha ha ha... That's another story, for another day. I just hope they get to mapping the AmIslamic account soon for the transfer. I mean, once you're able to the transaction at the counter, it should just be the next logical step to bring it to the deposit machine AND internet banking, right?

So, after that, I just headed straight to Giant and bought some baking items! Yes people, I finally get to use my breadmaker!! I posted a blog post not "too" long ago about it. And yesterday, I made bread! Well, I threw all the ingredients in and the machine did the rest. after about 3 hours (which was filled up with Melinda and Jim) the bread was ready. For starters, I used the Basic Bread Program 1. Very easy; just dump in the items one by one as it's listed in the recipe book, choose the size and crust, press "Start" and let the machine do its thing.

In the process

The end product!

The Kenwood BM450 has a delay timer. Which means, the next time I can set it up at midnight, and wake up in the morning with freshly baked bread! Isn't that just wonderful? Having hot bread as if you were in the hotel! He he he... very, very interesting. I just hope that I will continue making use of the machine! Don't want it to be a white elephant. He he he...

The machine can also make dough; for pizza and pastries, as well as cooking jam! It's like a whole bakery in one machine! Now, if I could just get the contractor to fix the power socket at the wet kitchen, I will be a happily-domesticated-homely-corporate-climber. How's that sound?

In the box, the breadmaker comes with its own measuring tumbler and measuring spoon. So, you don't have to go and buy those items separately. All-in-one, remember? The touch buttons are so intuitive, you don't have to put pressure on it at all. Just touch your finger on it as if applying your eye cream. Seriously, I kid you not. Another thing I love most about this machine is its slick design. It looks so modern and simple and elegant. The platinum colour goes well with any type of kitchen even the most traditional one!

So, my next project? I think I'll try to make the ginger bread or maybe banana bread-cake. And maybe a jar of jam? Who knows? Anything is possible!