And the sun shines!

God is great. He granted my wish yesterday for the sun. Thank you, Lord. Love you! I'm sure it is still warm out there. But you know what, it's very, very cold in the office. I was so happy I could feel the warmth this morning that I was smiling eventhough some moron drivers made me honk them. It is indeed a glorious day. The sun made me more energetic and ready to face the challenges (?) today. Yes, I am being melodramatic. As usual.

So. I'm busy preparing presentation slides for next week's training. When preparing materials for user training, you're torn between providing too little information or too much. I'm doing my best to have less and less words in my slides. Putting a lot of graphics and silly anotations. But, at the end of the day, you are providing information and that's what you need to do, kan?

The first session will be somewhat technical because I'm presenting on the public key infrastructure concept. I struggled to make it less techy, because although my audience will be technical people, their.. well.. working background does not aspire them to do a lot of... well... thinking. Yesm I am being a little cruel, but the truth always hurt, right?

So, in the quest to educate them, I'm trying to make the knowledge more interesting. I understand now why my aunt, who's a lecturer to would-be-teachers, told me lecturing is not an easy job. This, however, is not my first time preparing training presentation. But normally, the audience is eager. This training session, mind you, have been postponed three times already. That to me, show how disinterested they are. But then again, I'm just the semut pekerja. So basically, I have to accomodate their schedule.

The second and third session will be more on the products that we supply and how to correctly maintain and administer them. I'm excited in knowledge sharing, that is why I'm making an effort to ensure the slides are catered to the audience.

It's been almost a year in Pudica. I've learnt a lot. Although it's getting mundane these days, I'm hoping more opportunities will be in store in months to come. I've taken some bold steps to ensure the opportunities are present, now I just need to pray that lady luck is on the same wave length. It's a little depressing to know that people with lesser skills and knowledge are getting a whole lot more, but I'm positive that my share will soon be given to me. So, patience, although it's a bitter fruit, it's rewarding in the end.

There is still no news on my car. I will call them later this afternoon to find out. ETCM will definitely be hearing from me. I'm praying everything will be done in time before my trip to Penang. Please God, grant this one more wish. I just don't trust the Sentra...

Having said that, I'd like to share this short video...

Back from Kuantan

Kuantan was... different. Although there were a lot of memories over there, it was just different. The town is busier these days, more cars, more people, more new buildings and shopping complexes. In fact, more residential areas, modern ones. There were a lot of firsts in Kuantan. First time being away from home, first time being a target just because I walked as if I was on a runaway (can't really blame me there, according to my aunties I walk the way I did since I was a kid), and that made me really lost my confidence and self assurance for the firs time, my first.. ehem.. boyfriend (and he was a hunk wanted by many! ahaha... not bad for a kampung girl, eh?). And although there were many firsts, I hardly have any pictures from back then. Hardly have any memorabilia from those days. Seeing my college again, I could not describe how I felt. Not exactly melancholic but just a little regret, I guess. Because that was the turning point where I started to look at people and the world differently. The college, if I may say so dramatically, took my innocence in so many ways.


Although Kuantan was different, I enjoyed it tremendously. The weather was nice, occasional showers now and then but less sun (thank God!) and the company was even more engaging. He he he... Thanks for accompanying me, darling! We took some pictures by the beach, saw people playing para-boarding (or whatever they're calling it...). He said it would be fun if we tried that out. I told him to go ahead if he wanted to and count me out because my idea of fun is not to work hard to enjoy the fun! I told him that I'd cheer him though! You should see how the wind blew and it looked as if the lady would be whisked away!

Telok Chempedak or T.C. as we warmly call it was also different. There is a wooden bridge connecting the beach there to a more secluded beach on the othe side of the hill. We walked on th bridge but did not go to the beach because, MPK should really fix the thing first. Certain parts of the flooring are missing, some are bent like waiting to fall down and there is one part where the baluster is gone! Dangerous. But I see a lot of people gamble their lives risking falling to the rocks and wave below.


I should talk a bit about the wedding kan? We arrived just in time to see the groom arrived. The colour scheme was sweet, the food was good and the guests aplenty. Congratulations again to the couple. I hope you like our little token. Took a couple of pictures of the couple of the day on the pelamin, went out to eat and left the place. I was there less an hour. Made contact with few old friends, who were not really "excited" to see me (ha ha ha) as I was at seeing them (poor me... :-p). Basically, I am not in the college circle so much anymore. Partly is my fault for not making and effort, partly because I was never part of the group. So.

The waves hitting the rock at Telok Chempedak beach.

The beach at Swiss Garden Resort

Okay, that is that. The weather these days is so depressing. I need the sun dear God, or I could just wither and die. He he he... Coming from the drama queen, what else should you expect eh? Sometimes I feel like the weather is the testimony of my feelings. So, I guess, to ensure a brighter day, I should keep on smiling! Right, I'm babbling.

Joy is the Season

It is indeed a season of joy and happiness. Of new hopes and beginnings. A number of family members, friends and acquaintances are either getting engaged or married and even welcoming new bundles of joy. Good news all around. Alhamdulillah.

To one of my closest friends who's reciting the marriage vow this Friday, I wish you all the happiness and may good things be yours and the bride's. It is indeed a big step, but hey, if not now, then when, eh? *wink* Be good to each other. I'll come, God willing, on Saturday for the reception.

Congratulations too to my lovely cousin, Dr. Munirah, for her engagement ceremony last weekend. Everything went well, food were aplenty, guests more so. I almost wish it's already the wedding! He he he..

InsyaAllah I'll be getting Red soon, hopefully by Friday. November had not been a good month for me, with the accident and all the messy things that follow. I sincerely hope that this month will be new good beginnings for me as well.

I'll be going to Penang on the 16th. For work. And coming back just in time for Aidil Adha, insyaAllah. The following weekend, the family might be journeying to the East Coast. There's another wedding to attend in Batu Burok, and hopefully a short holiday, one yearned by Mak.

And then, it's already Christmas Day. My solemn wish is for Sharky, up north, to realise her wedding day just before New Year, but apparently that has not been confirmed! Ha ha ha.. And knowing her, it might just happen even if everything seems to be hazy now.

Now you're wondering why Jade is so euphoric, does she have some news to share? Well... no actually. He he he... Seriously. It's just a good feeling to see people that you care and love are getting what they want (hopefully) and wish for. And it sparks another light of hope that wishes and dreams do come true, sooner or later.

So, to the ones who are getting their dreams coming about, congratulations and all the best! I am sincerely happy for you.

Get Creative!

How do you preserve your memories? Or have you always wanted to personalise your pillows or blankets? How about having your loved ones’ photos printed on your beddings? Or you wish you could give your loved ones personalized gifts? More over, are you tired of those limited selections of patterns that you get from the departmental stores? Well… I have good news. Read on.

VisionBedding.com provides a huge range of theme selections to suit your style and moods. I kid you not. They have sporty designs, animal themes, gender based designs and much more. Just browsing through the catalogue made me drooled. Seriously.

The designs are fresh and unique. You could get almost anything printed. And when I say anything, it’s because you are also able to have your own designs! It can be your own digitally derived art or even your favourite photos! Isn’t that super-cool? When uploading your own graphics and images however, the better the quality, the nicer your bedding will turn out. They allow up to five megabytes of image size.

There’s more. The site also provides some gift ideas to people like me (I am absolutely clueless to choose presents for my family and friends). You could also go to the Testimonials section to see the feedbacks given by other customers.

Read the Information page to get more insights of dos and don’ts as well as getting your questions answered. You will need to create an account with VisionBedding.com to ensure faster shopping experience and enable you to keep track of your purchase.

Happy shopping!

Feeling Blah

I think PMS hit me really bad this month. I practically bite people's head whenever I'm annoyed! It doesn't help that I'm overwhelmed with guilt everytime after I snap. And believe me, counting the sheeps do not help either.

I woke up very late today. And since I was already very late, I decided to have lunch first before going to the office. I went to Bakerzin at Bangsar Village. I used to frequent the joint, as you might recall me talking about it, the salmon pasta and strawberry juice, as well as the sinfullicious desserts. Today, as I browsed through the menu, there was no creame sauce salmon pasta. There is aglio olio with option to add salmon for another RM6 and there is mushroom pasta with sauce.

I had to explain to the waiter twice of what I wanted because the first time he said they do not server such dish. After the second time asking his supervisor, he told me they are going to make the dish for me. He he he... When the pasta came, the first bite was heavenly as was the first sip of the strawberry juice. Although the juice is a bit more on the sour side this time around, it complements the creamy sauce that sauteed my tounge and palate.

Upon receiving the bill, I was surprised to see the total. I paid anyway. When the waiter came back with the balance I offhandedly asked about the price and told him I used to pay much less, and briefly explained that everytime I come over I would ask the same pasta and the same drink. I also said that there was no mushroom in my pasta when he was charging me a RM23 pasta with mushroom cream sauce with additional RM6 for salmon add-on. He asked me to wait and he'll check with the kitchen. While waiting I sipped the plain water provided, lazily. He came back and told me that I was right and he'll return me the difference. As he put the folder in front of me, he thanked me profusely. :-p

And Jade is a happy, satisfied cat. And the cat is sooo ready for lurve... :-p

p/s: To a certain someone who has been the receiving end for the past couple of days, I am sooooooooo sorry. *muah muah*

Song for Today

This makes me move. Seriously.

Paralyzer
Finger Eleven

I hold on so nervously
To me and my drink
I wish it was cooling me
But so far, has not been good
It's been shitty
And I feel awkward, as I should
This club has got to be
The most pretentious thing
Since I thought you and me
Well I am imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place

Well I'm not paralyzed
But, I seem to be struck by you
I want to make you move
Because you're standing still
If your body matches
What your eyes can do
You'll probably move right through
Me on my way to you

I hold out for one more drink
Before I think
I'm looking too desperately
But so far has not been fun
I should just stay home
If one thing really means one
This club will hopefully
Be closed in three weeks
That would be cool with me
Well I'm still imagining
A dark lit place
Or your place or my place

I have this sudden urge to eat Big Mac or Whopper. And then have chocolate for dessert. Don't ask me why. I just do.

I'm missing Red. The courtesy car from Nissan is a Sentra. And I have just got to say that driving Latio is so much more fulfilling. I hope things will get done quickly. I'm wishing it to be completed by this week. Haih.

Sometimes you just wish that people who are close to you, especially your loved ones and close friends, would be more supportive. Though you hate to admit it, it does hurt when careless remarks or response are being given. But because you do not want to make things worse by admitting that you feel bad, you keep quiet or just let it go. Does being aplogised to help? Well... yeah. A little. But the hole has already been made by the nail. Even if you put a plaster in it, it's there. So, what do you do? You make do. And move on.

Anyway, another cousin is getting engaged in two weeks. We had family meeting yesterday with regards to the event. Having an Event Director as one of your family members can be an answer to your prayer OR it can also be a huge headache. You see, based on his experiences, he has all things planned out. How the movement should be, where to put the dulangs, where people should sit, etc. And because of the experiences as well, they feel they know best.

When I suggested that we should take into account the space available and the people that' going to be crammed inside the hall, I was told that he's going to get it done as planned. And before I could say anything else, he said he already planned how MY wedding procession will be. *GASP* I didn't even know when I'm getting married and he has all planned already?! ROTFL. Man... I don't care. If and when I'm getting married, everything will be done as I want it to be. :-p

Mak came back from Singapore yesterday Just before we went to the family meeting. A sat down session with her last night made me realise how bad Pak Long's condition is. I will need to read more on the Big C after this. All I know now, if he wants to come back to Malaysia, then the family should support his decision. Make him happy. Who knows? He might be more motivated to heal.

Some people are talking about alternative healing process. I do not know how effective this is. If any of you have any information or experiences in this, let me know. I am planning to go down to Temasek sometime in December. I will need to get my passport done first.

Yesterday also, just before Maghrib, I received SMS from Toonie, my soul sista, that her mother is warded in Damansara Speacialist. She was having difficulty in breathing. I went to visit and on the way it strucked me that I am at the age where I have to prepared emotionally, physically and financially. Anything could happen. And honestly, I am NOT prepared at all. Not even close. And that makes me feel sad.

I guess, the burger and chocolate is definitely on the menu tonight...

Make a Little More Today!

Do you like writing? Do you blog? Do you enjoy sharing your opinion or experiences? Do you want like money? If you are a blogger, now you can blog for money. Start small, collect a little, you still get paid to blog. Isn’t that wonderful?

If you are keen to blog for money, go to Smorty website, and enroll. During enrolment, you will have to describe a bit about your blog. Let Smorty knows what your blog is about. Don’t forget to put in your PayPal ID because this is how the advertisers will pay you. After that, wait a few days to get your blog reviewed. If all goes well, you will receive an email saying that you can start earning. Yeay!

Once your blog is reviewed and accepted, you can start accepting task from the list of opportunities displayed on your Smorty account page. You will have some keywords to include into your post and a link to direct your readers to the advertiser’s page. Follow the word limit if provided and do a little research to ensure you get your fact correct about the products and services. Once your post is completed, submit the details to Smorty to get it reviewed.

Now, the advertiser will review your post and will let you know if it is accepted. If the response is positive, you will see under your earnings column in your administration page, that you have some pending earnings. Payment will be done once a week to your PayPal account. The more you write, the more you can earn.

For advertisers, Smorty can help to leverage on larger audience. Most established bloggers already have their reader base. This opportunity to advertise on blogs is definitely not one to be missed.

Do read the FAQs page, the rules and the process to better understand Smorty works.

To bloggers, get paid for blogging (you deserve it!). To business owners, get involved with blog advertising.

Song for Today: Apologize

This has got to be one of the best songs I've heard these days. Wonderfully heart-wrenching.




Apologize
Timbaland ft. One Republic

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize,
it's too lateI said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new - yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

Be an Online Store Owner!

These days online shopping has becoming more and more popular. The best part is that anyone can have online businesses and attract more market to purchase their services or products. To sell products online, you will need to have shopping cart software to enable your buyers to do their purchase. It’s really similar to the physical shopping cart that we push around in the supermarket while doing our groceries, only this one is online.

Ashop Commerce has come out with its own ecommerce software to help business owners sell their services and product online. This way, you do not need to develop your own shopping cart application and get migraines thinking on implementing it. Ashop Commerce’s Shopping Cart Software does it all for you.

Who is Ashop Commerce?

Ashop Commerce builds ecommerce software to help small and medium businesses to start selling online. Their software caters for everyone, tech savvy or not.

Your own online store

Although Ashop Commerce hosts your online mall for you, the domain name will be yours. It will not be an extension to Ashop Commerce’s domain. So, if I want to start that business that I have in mind, yes I’ve thrown around an idea of having my own online store, I can easily have my name printed as the domain name so that people will now it’s mine, mine, MINE!

Ashop Commerce Shopping Cart Software also gives you the rein to decide and manage on your own. Everything from the things you want to sell, the payment methods, the look and feel can be customized. You are your own boss. Isn’t that great? Your online store will stand alone and yours to command.

Ashop Commerce is giving a free trial period for you to get the hang of it. And should you after registering feel anyway dissatisfied, you can always cancel your membership.

Peace of mind

You can rest assured that your online store is secured by Ashop Commerce. The company will also do backups for your store to ensure that you will always have your shoppers’ data. Besides that, the software also provides multi level access control.

Support

Ashop provides customer support to help solve any issues or problems that you might face. The company is continuously improving the quality of the software to ensure that your online shop is visible in search engines.

Next Steps

Check out the company’s website at Shopping Cart Software by Ashop Commerce. And then, try out the software for free for 10 days. Read more on the product features and answer your own questions through the online FAQ.

Review: 30 Days of Nights

I went to watch 30 Days of Nights last week. I've always love the idea of being a vampire, regardless the blood drinking neccessity. But seriously, I hate the vampires in the movie.

Eversince I knew what vampires are, their mystique and sensuality. The movie did not carry any of those qualities. These vampires were viscious and cruel and evil. They do not hypnotise their victims to go under their spell they just attack and instill fear in them. In fact, I don't think they even have enough time to be frightened. It was horrible.

As far as the story goes, the story line is pretty straight forward. It's derived from the horror comic written by Steve Niles. It's a story of a group of vampires went rampage over a town in Alaska which was not getting sunlight for 30 days. Vampires. UV ray. So, it's basically heaven for the carnivores and hell for the townspeople. It tells you a story how these people survive, or not, the month of blood and terror.

Of course, there could not be a total happy ending in the movie. Being a vampire fan myself, I somehow knew already that someone will have to sacrifice her/himself to save humanity and beat the beasts. Of course it has to be the hero la kan.

The only question that I had was that, why didn't the vampire disintegrate to ashes at then end of the movie when the sun rised? He only went blackened like a pieace of wood that had been burnt. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

If you look for continuing the image of Dracula in Bram Stoker or in fact, Angel the vampire with soul, this is not the movie to watch. The way the vampires attacked the humans in the movie is similar to the way the virus-infected people cum zombie in Resident Evil.

I don't give stars or rate movies like these. I would just say, go and watch if you don't mind watching a predictable ending.

..and later in the evening...

So, my crown is bouncy and shiny now. Soft, smooth and silky. I sound like ad on TV.

Let's talk about money. No one in their right mind in the world won't be concern about 'em green papers. I know, I know. All harta dunia. But without it, it can be quite difficult. Because money talks.

Yes, Jade is being materialistic again. With a reason, of course. Besides, I'm just being practical. Why do you work anyway? For money right? And why do we need it? To pay our bills, house and car. To ensure our kids get the best education they can. To fulfill our parents dreams that they put aside when they brought us up. All that requires money. It's just practical.

So it all comes back to this. How do I get more of them? What should I do? How can I earn more by doing something that I like? Is there anyone out there who's willing to give me the opportunity? Those are the questions that I ask myself almost every day. I realise having nine to five job, or rather eight thirty to five thirty job will not be able to give me everything that I want. I need to do something else. But where do I start? How do I start? Can someone show me the way?

Owh by the way. If you have any MLM ideas whatsoever, let's not. I rather not. Please.

ps: I am thoroughly enjoying my new hair. Merci beaucoup, mi amor.

pps: I had it done at MonsoonID in Hartamas Shopping Centre. The damage? RM309. I went there instead of the branch in OU because they have lesser crowd. To quote the stylist, "Good for you, bad for us because less customer mah..." But he, the stylist, was very, very good. He's detailed and precise. I like his work. Capal Perak likes his work.

Saturday Outing

I'm in the midst of getting an upgrade. Courtesy of Capal Perak. Bak kata orang dolu-dolu, kecil tapak tangan, nyiru saya tadahkan. He said he wants me to feel beautiful. But I suspect it's his need to see his girl looking like the japanese models and artistes that he drools upon. Too bad I can't get any skinnier or fairer, eh? ROTFL. But don't tell him I say this, because he will be supremely insulted. :-p

I cannot keep still. It has been two hours and my legs are cramping. Duh. I am using his MacBook, blogging while waiting for the chemical to set. And I chased him out of the salon. Go la jalan-jalan I said. He went for about 10 minutes and came back saying there's nothing to see. We're in Hartamas Shopping Centre. Reason being, I'm running away from the weekend crowd. But seems like it does not do any favour to his lordship because there's nothing to amuse him.

Had to stop for a while just now to wash off. Saw his silhouette through the sheer curtain separating the washing area and sitting area. He left the salon to go out again. Kesian. I did warn him it's going to take hours. But he wants the adventure.

I'm bored. Seriously. More chemicals are being put on my hair. Mati la mak.

Tomorrow, there's a family gathering. BIG family gathering on my father's side. That means, all the aunties and uncles, the cousins and second cousins, nieces and nephews. All under one roof. This year it'll be in Setiawangsa. I'm thinking of cooking pasta to bring to tomorrow's potluck. Mak agrees because it's the fastest, easiest meal to do. Not to mention I make a very good bolognese sauce. Just throw everything into the pot.

I have the urge to.. urmm.. pee. Man... this is a torture. My hair is being steamed now. Ouch. Ouch. Auww... Can feel the hot air on the back of my neck. Should adjust my head a bit. Ouch. Okay, that should settle it, even if I look a bit short-necked. Ha ha ha.. Jade is getting cuckoo because she cannot go and relieve herself.

I wonder why the steamer looks different now. You know the hose to your vacuum cleaner? Hmm.... they attach that to the steamer machine and the steam is oozing out from it. I look like a cartoon character on Disney Channel. Steam is coming out from my head. All around my head, in fact. Ha ha ha.. ROTFL.

Hmm... come to think of it... it's minor facial too, since the steam sort of envelope my face as well.

He's back. He's so bored now he's plugging his iPod and reading. I am left on my own device. Muahahaha...

I shall update again later this evening...

Song for today

This song is too close to home... It's my current favourite! ;-)





Bubbly
Colbie Caillat

(Spoken)
Will you count me in?

(Sung)
I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feeling like a child now
'cause every time I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time where ever you go
The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
under cover staying dry and warm
you give me feelings that I adore

It starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for awhile now
just take your time wherever you go
but what am I gonna say
when you make me feel this way
I just..mmmm

It starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose
where ever it goes I always know
that you make me smile
please stay for awhile now
just take your time
where ever you go

duh duh duh duh duhda
duh duh duh duh dum
bom bo da da da da da bom
mmm mmm

I've been a sleep for awhile now
you tuck me in just like a child now
cause every time you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose the feeling shows
cause you make me smile
baby just take your time now
holding me tight

Wherever wherever wherever you go
wherever wherever wherever you go
Wherever you go I always know cause you make me smile even just for awhile

First November

The sky is blue with patches of white cloud. It's going to be a beautiful day. The temperature in the office is so so low that I'm shivering at intervals.

I miss him. His new schedule allows us few minutes to talk over the phone everyday. And I miss him. And I know he misses me too.

He would wake up early in the morning and call me just before I go to work or when I was about to start the car. And I would immediately asked him why he woke up so early. In the beginning I think he felt a little akward being asked that way when I was actually worried that he wouldn't be getting enough sleep.

Today, I'm meeting him at noon though, for an errand.

The other day I caught him looking at me with that long soulful look of his. I asked him why but he just shook his head and smiled. Later he told me that he's getting dependant on me. He said he would feel something missing off his day and realised that he talked less with me on that day. I smiled and told him that I remembered telling him almost the same thing not too long ago.

We are getting dependant on each other. Our highlights of the day means we get to see each other or talk more over the phone.

It's sickeningly lovely that I do not know whether to feel happy about it or disgusted with myself. Disgusted in a good way, I mean.So it boils to the same thing. Being in love makes your eyes crossed at times you do not expect. Having someone to share this lovely feeling makes you smile even when you're feeling mad.

Half of me is wishing that this feling will last forever. Another half of me, the jaded half of me, knows that this is the plateau of the relationship; and one day it will all settle down, worse, dwindle down to nothing.

As I'm writing this, I wonder if I should leave this post in here or should I create another anonymous blog somewhere else. But, hey, this is me. I guess it's okay if my friends know my fears and joys, my sorrows and laughter.

Song for today

I am feeling a little melancholic today. Thoughtful sadness. :-p
But I'm not sad. I'm happy. Just that I pray this time it will really work out...

Only Hope (A Walk to Remember) movie soundtrack
Mandy Moore

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I give You my destiny
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

I foresee that my life is going to get crazier soon. There's anticipation, but there's also doubts. Will it be good for me? Will I be happier? No, there is not change in my life. I am still getting instructions and completing assignments. I just have this feeling that it will get crazier. Hmmm...

In other aspects of my life, I'm content. Alhamdulillah.

I know and believe that everything will come in time, insyaAllah. Some people get it sooner than others, some don't at all. But for whatever that happens, good or bad, there are always blessings in tow, hidden or not.

When the heart becomes a little impatient, I reprimand myself and count again all the blessings that have been bestowed upon me. I shan't forget. Some things are hard to come by, some are rolling like a ball. Either way, I am thankful.

When the mind starts to doubt, I go back and reflect. Most of the times I come to realise, I AM in control, only I choose NOT to be in control. Which is stupid of me. Just because certain things happen to make me feel inferior or less capable, it does not mean I am inferior or less capable. The body does what the mind sets to do.

There will come a time when certain decisions need to be made. I might need to move on again, who knows? At the end of the idea, I have to think about my future. So again, with The Lord's guidance, insyaAllah, I'll make the right choice.

Enjoy your Tuesday evening people. And do leave comments. I know everyone is busy with FaceBook now. Even I found myself blog-hopping less these days...

Nissan Commercial

The first one is my favourite commercial.. Funny. ;-)

The second one... well.. that's the colour. Haih.

And if you haven't noticed, I thoroughly enjoy the car. Good car. Good value. Good buy. It definitely is "Life's Little Luxuries"...

Song for today

"I Still Believe" performed by: Hayden Panettiere from: 'Cinderella 3'


I like this... Goes out to you. And you. And you and you!

O Believers! Think!

Yesterday I received a very disturbing email. It was forwarded by my cousin. The original email came from the doctor who was responsible on harvesting the organs from the brain dead teenager in Sitiawan. The good doctor sent the email to his net group calling for his sahabat to opt to becoming an organ donor. He relayed his being humbled by the arwah's family for their readiness to donate the boy's organs.

Upon being forwarded, the email was commented by a Hamba Allah. The email title was changed, from "Apakah Pengorbanan Kita" to "Kenapa Jantung Tidak Sesuai?". From an email which was intended to be an eye opener on what we can do to help others, it became a stupid propaganda by someone who is pendek akal.

The person commented the reason why the heart was not accepted by the girl in IJN was because the arwah was a Tahfiz student and God did not want the organ to be inside an "impure" body. How shallow can an educated person be? And at the end of the email, the person had a knack to say "Semoga menjadi pengajaran". Bollocks!

If ever, any of the girl's family member or friends and our friends from different faiths read this unnecessarily provocative email, on behalf of all Muslims, I seek your forgiveness.

Allah SWT never told us, to help people based on colour or faith or race. Never. In his eyes the only thing that differentiate humans are his or her Iman. Nothing more, nothing less. We firmly believe, regardless of our race or religion, we came from Him, the one true God. As such, it is our duty to help each other to be at peace with one another. Please brothers and sisters, I sincerely hope that we help to enlighten the people aroud us who are short sighted in giving comments on certain events.

What if the heart was received positively by the girls body system? Then after that, she receives Hidayah and revert to being a Muslimah? What then? This Hamba Allah will then send an email and praise Allah's greatness for the turnabout? Come on. Let's not be hypocrite. There is no need to be api dalam sekam. You're not helping the Ummah. You're not helping Malaysia. You're not answering the call of fisabilillah.

Istighfar.

I ask one last question. What if, one day, someone close to you needs an organ. A heart. And the only available ones are from unbelievers. What then? Would you say "Thanks, but no" and let your loved one dies? Be honest with yourself.

Lesson is, if you do not know what to say or comment upon receiving an email or news, just close your trap. Silence is golden. And silence shields you from sinning.

The email started with a good intention from a medical practitioner. Let's keep it at that. The following is the snippet from the doctor's email which I feel is good to share...

"Untuk pengetahuan sahabat-sahabat, penderma dikalangan orang Islam adalah yang paling rendah sekali, dan sepanjang saya bertanggung jawab terhadap program 'donor procurement' 4 tahun kebelakangan ini tidak pernah saya berjumpa dengan penderma Muslim. Ini adalah kali pertama persetujuan menderma diperolehi dengan mudah daripada sebuah keluarga Muslim.

Apa yang membuatkan saya termenung sejenak dan bermuhasabah diri adalah apabila mendengarkan alas an yang diberikan oleh si bapa. Alasannya, sekiranya anaknya tidak dapat hidup untuk berbakti kepada agama dan masyarakat, biarlah organ-organnya memberi nyawa kepada yang memerlukan, mudah-mudahan penerima organ-organ tersebut akan dapat berbakti kepada agama dan masyarakat.

Sahabat sekelian, teringat saya kepada cerita pengorbanan para sahabat di zaman RasuluLah, yang sanggup mengorbankan nyawa anak-anak mereka demi perjuangan Islam. Dan dalam hal ini, bukan sahaja si anak tersebut terkorban dijalan Allah (menuntut ilmu) akan tetapi organ-organya juga terus berbakti untuk umat manusia.

Sahabat sekelian, sewaktu bertarawikh di celah-celah almari baju di OT Hospital Ipoh, saya termenung dan berfikir; sejenak saya merasa bangga kerana masih ada dikalangan orang Islam yang berjiwa besar seperti ini. Sejenak pula saya merasa sedih, kerana lebih ramai lagi umat Islam yang berjiwa pengecut dan enggan melakukan pengorbanan. Saya bertanya pada diri sendiri, sekiranya perkara yang sama berlaku kepada anak-anak saya sendiri, sanggupklah saya memberikan consent untuk pendermaan organ? Alangkan untuk menyumbangkan sedikit harta wang ringgit pada jalan Allah pun saya amat keberatan inikan pula anak-anak yang saya cintai. Apakah ini nilai yang saya pegang sebagai pejuang Islam? Alangkah malunya saya di hadapan Rabbul Jalil."


Let's do good things and think good thoughts, brothers and sisters. This world is not ours. And we don't live inside it alone. We need other people, like it or not. It's a simbiotic relationship. Don't be so arrogant to think that we can survive on our own.

Peace be amongst you and I.

Petikan dari blog Ustaz Asri

28 Ramadhan

Hari ini hari terakhir aku kerja sebelum bercuti raya. Esok dah mula cuti!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

MAAF ZAHIR BATIN

Pandu kereta dengan cermat. Waspada terhadap pemandu yang kurang cermat. Semoga semua orang selamat berhari raya dan selamat kembali bekerja seperti biasa. Salam sayang untuk semua!

27 Ramadhan

Kapal dah berlayar semula!! Yeay! Capal Perak gelakkan aku bila aku gunakan metafora kapal berlabuh dan berlayar. Tiap kali jumpa mesti tanya kapal dah berlayar ke belum. Sibuk je...

Hari-hari terakhir dalam Ramadhan 1418... Aku agak gagal dari segi mengawal emosi marah. Kenapa? Sebab aku dikelilingi dengan orang-orang yang pendek akal. Orang-orang sebegini memang mebuat kau hilang sabar dengan lebih cepat.

Ada sorang pakcik kat pejabat aku nih. Aku tak tau lah macam mana dia boleh survive selama ni dalam dunia pemasaran. Aku tak pasti macam mana dia boleh close the sale atau make the deal. Sesungguhnya memang aku tak faham. Bila aku pergi mesyuarat dengan dia, pening kepala aku nak betulkan fakta-fakta yang dia beri pada client. Okay la, mungkin aku tambah garam dan gula sikit (exaggerate). Tapi kenyataan itu tetap benar. Bilalah agaknya pakcik ni nak bersara kan? Rambut pun dah tak ada kat tengah-tengah kepala tu. Mungkin dia patut bercuti panjang. Apa-apa pun, aku mestilah menghadapi keadaan nih.

Lepas tu, ada satu perangai warga baru kat Daun Semalu nih yang sangatlah aku meluat nengoknya. Diorang ni datang dari syarikat-syarikat berjenama antarabangsa. Contoh nya seperti Golekmotorlah dan Dalamtel. Sakit jiwa sebab tak habis-habis bandingkan kalau kat Golekmotorlah macam ni. Masa kat Dalamtel kita buat macam ni. Alahai.. kalau syarikat tu bagus sangat, kenapa sekarang kau ada kat Daun Semalu? Kalau kau suka sangat cara kerja kat sana kenapa tak dok diam-diam kat situ? Oh... aku faham, masa kau kat sana kau hanyalah eksekutif kelas bawahan. Sampai kat sini dengan ilmu kau yang tak seberapa tu kau dapat jadi kelas atasan. Tapi pikirlah balik. Tak ada guna kau nak berlagak itu ini kalau satu kerja kau pun susah nak jalan. Bak kata penyanyi barat tuh, Rihanna, Shut up and drive! Kalau kau tak paham jugak, aku rasa kau tak patut berada di mana kau berada sekarang. Jangan jadi tong kosong. Bising aja lebih, tapi isi tak dak. Bak kata omputeh empty barrels make the loudest noise. Kau nak jadi camtu ke? Tepuk dada, tanya selera dood.

Lagi, apa aku nak membebel. Oh... Orang-orang yang suka minta itu ini last minute. Orang-orang yang suka minta dokumen itu dan dokumen ini sedangkan dokumen itu tak wujud pun lagi dalam organisasi ni. Jadi, apa cerita? Kadang-kadang, boleh jadi gila. Dalam mesyuarat tadi aku terasa macam nak cari kerja lain ajer. Bukannya tak der Pemburu Kepala yang telefon aku dan tanya. Aku je yang berasa malas nak bergerak untuk masa sekarang. Lagipun, aku nak pastikan ada sesuatu yang menjadi bekas tangan aku kat sini. Lepas tu baru la boleh bergerak.

Hari ni dah cukup dua bulan aku secara rasminya dikeluarkan dari pasaran perseorangan (man! this effort to write in Malay is killing me!!) Maaf sebab penggunaan bahasa kebangsaan aku agak pincang. Tak seronoklah bercerita tentang hari-hari menggunakan bahasa surat. Aku salahkan diri sendiri sebab kurang membaca dalam bahasa ibunda. Padan muka aku! Okay, sambung balik luahan hati.

Sudah dua bulan. Kau tanya aper aku rasa? Seronok la beb. Tapi kadang-kadang tu risau dan seghiau jugak. Ini keputusan yang sangat besar. Tak boleh undur balik, okeh? Nak tak nak, ada perkara yang berlaku atau kata-kata yang dituturkan menyebabkan kita tersentak dan berfikir. Tetapi kalau kita nak menjadi terlalu kritis bila berkait dengan hubungan dua insan, susahlah kan? Sampai bila pun tak boleh jadi macam tu. Jadi, aku berkeputusan untuk buat yang terbaik dan harapkan yang terbaik. Jangan salah faham. Capal Perak layan aku dengan baik. Dan aku boleh bagitau dia apa saja. Tak de hal punya. He he he...

Aku di awan ke sembilan.

Dah... aku nak berenti merapik kat sini. Karang entah apa lagi la yang aku mengarut...

Tiga hari lagi nak raya!!

ps: hari ni aku pakai baju agak lip lap. orang ingat aku dah pakai baju raya... :-p

26 Ramadhan

Kalau tak silap aku, esok ANGKASAWAN pertama kita akan menggapai angkasa (cheewaaah).

Banyak betul cerita sumbang yang aku dengar pasal program angkasawan Malaysia ni. Mula-mula dulu cerita pasal depa nak buat roti canai kat space. Lepas tu buat teh tarik. Dan semua orang cakap program ni mengarut dan membazir duit rakyat.

Macam ni lah. Mana-mana negara pun, mana-mana kerajaan pun, tak semua orang akan puas hati. Mesti ada suara-suara yang menentang. Ini semua lumrah alam. Serupa juga macam kita, tak semua benda yang kita nak buat atau suka buat, semua orang yang kita kenal suka, kawan-kawan atau keluarga. Ada yang menyokong, ada yang tidak.

Sekarang ni suara-suara sumbang kedengaran lagi. Sebabnya, NASA, agensi angkasa lepas Amerika tu, panggil angkasawan Malaysia sebagai "peserta penerbangan angkasa" (spaceflight participant). Bukan diklasifikasikan sebagai astronauts atau cosmonauts. Kata orang, apa ada pada nama. Kata mat saleh, a rose is a rose by any other name.

Apa yang penting sebenarnya, orang Malaysia akan ke angkasa lepas. Dan ini adalah langkah pertama untuk beribu-ribu langkah berikutnya. Sepuluh hari diberikan untuk menyelesaikan eksperimen yang dirancang dan kembali dengan hasil dan keputusan. Biar aku katakan di sini, ia bukan perkara mudah. Pertama sekali, suasana di angkasa berlainan. Kedua constraints yang ada dari segi fizikal dan mental. Ketiga jangkawaktu yang ada sangatlah sekejap.

Mungkin kita rasa buang masa dan tenaga sahaja. Mungkin juga kita katakan ini semua propaganda politik. Segala kemungkinan itu di luar kawalan kita. Dan aku petik daripada lawan web rasmi angkasawan malaysia: The programme is part of an offset agreement between Malaysia and Russia in relation to Malaysia’s purchase of Russian-made Sukhoi-30MKM fighter jets. Through this package, the Russian government agreed to train two Malaysians, one of which will make the journey while the other one will act as his backup. The Russian Government will bear the costs.

Kalau kita nak ikut apa yang ditulis di sini, duit kita digunakan untuk beli jet pejuang. Dan bukan untuk hantar Dr Angkasawan ke angkasa lepas. It macam side benefit ajer.

Apa-apa pun, biarlah diorang nak hantar. Antara objektif yang diorang cakap untuk menaikkan semangat generasi muda. Kau sedar tak, generasi muda tu, bukan kau dan aku. Tapi untuk anak-anak dan cucu cicit kita nanti. Jadi, kalau kita tak teruja sangat pasal program ni, biarlah anak-anak kita tu ada impian yang menggapai angkasa. Kita ni dah terlalu jaded untuk menghargai perkara-perkara begini. Kita dah terlalu seasoned kerana pengalaman dan pengetahuan dan insider knowledge yang kita dapat selama ini, menyebabkan kita susah berasa bangga atau seronok dengan program angkasawan. Serius.

Kalau dulu kita hanya mimpikan untuk naik kapal terbang pergi melawat Big Ben. Impian itu sudah pun menjadi nyata. Dah ramai orang jumpa Ben yang Besar (aku belum lagi). Kini, anak-anak kau dan aku tak hairan dah kalau orang cerita diorang melawat Gold Coast. Jadi biarlah anak-anak kita bermimpi.

Walaupun begitu, aku ini tidaklah tanpa pertanyaan dan sangsi tentang program angkasawan kita ni. Macam aku cakapkan tadi, kita begini kerana pengetahuan yang kita ada. Maka kita punya banyak soalan dan kesangsian.

Kenapa pilih doktor? Kalau pilih salah seorang juruterbang tentera kita yang handal mungkin dah boleh dipanggil sebagai ASTRONAUT dan bukan diklasifikasi sebagai pelawat. Jawapannya mungkin sebab objektif program ini nak buat eksperimen saintifik. Kalau betul-betul nak jadi juruterbang kapal angkasa, mungkin relevan menghantar juruterbang atau flight engineer. Seterusnya, sekiranya nak jadi juruterbang kapal angkasa, ia akan memakan masa latihan yang bertahun-tahun. Nanti tak boleh pula nak pastikan orang Malaysia pertama di angkasa sampai pada ulang tahun Malaysia yang ke-50.

Banyak lagi soalan, tapi aku malas nak tulis, sebab aku ada jawapannya berdasarkan apa yang kita baca, apa yang kita dengar, apa yang kita tahu. Cuma emosi kita yang menyebabkan kita bertanya dan bertanya, dan akhirnya memperlekehkan cita-cita seorang Perdana yang telah bersara.

Sebenarnya, misi setiap negara adalah cita-cita pemimpinnya. Tiada salahnya di sini. Kerana percayalah, kalau kau atau aku yang menjadi pemimpin negara, kita pun akan cuba untuk merealisasikan cita-cita kita. Kerana tak semua impian kita itu dapat kita capai seorang diri, selalunya kita perlukan bantuan. Maka Dr Angkasawan telah membantu orang lama merealisasikan mimpi seorang anak kecil, tujuh puluh tahun yang lalu.

Tak salah kan?

Kalau bila kedua-dua doktor balik ke Malaysia kemudia diberi gelaran "Datuk", perlukah kita menjerit lagi? Aku rasa tak perlulah. Boleh dikatakan diorang berdua meletakkan nyawa sebagai taruhan dengan mengikuti program ini. Betul tak? Jadi, kalau orang Malaysia bertaruh nyawa untuk nama Malaysia, kalau diberi ganjaran, memang wajar bukan? Kalau kita boleh beri gelaran "Datuk" kepada orang Malaysia yang menyanyi atau berlayar, kenapa tidak kepada yang pergi ke angkasa? Inikan Malaysia.

Di sini, Jade nak merakamkan ucapan syabas kepada Dr Sheikh Muszaphar kerana akan menjadi orang Malaysia yang pertama di angkasa. Dan juga syabas kepada Dr Faiz kerana menjadi duo Malaysia yang pertama mengikuti program ke angkasa lepas.

Dan sewaktu kita semua sibuk makan ketupat dengan keluarga, kedua-dua rakyat Malaysia ni berada jauh dari pangkuan keluarga. So I say, give them a break.

Lagi empat hari nak raya...!

ps: kepada fellow Excebix, sori tak dapat join korang semalam. Macam yang saya cakap kat Queen, I had to be with my family.

Stupid Mistake

I guess the scariest part in a relationship is when you realize you are all out for it; when you decide to give it all. That’s when your vulnerabilities start to show. At that moment you come face to face with your insecurities. And you’re forced to admit you’re just like the rest of the world; nothing “super” about you. And you’re forced to decide on how to deal with it. It’s a test.

Most often than not, you will fail. Why? Because you chose the option that you already knew was wrong. But you just have to be typical, maybe just this once, be predictable. And then you regret the choice you have made. And you apologise for being so cliché. If you’re lucky, your other half will understand and you two will move on.

I did something similar; something really silly, no doubt. I asked something that I knew I shouldn’t have. I asked about the past and I compared. And when he said that he cares about now and not the past and not my past, it was like a virtual blow to my face. The fact that he understands, just make me feel more like an idiot.

I am thoroughly blessed. My hope is that I am continually blessed.

Yesterday, I was watching True Hollywood Story (THS) on Channel E!. It was about Halle Berry. She said something so profound that I felt kicked on my generous backside. She said, “When you can have an A-day any day you want, without anyone having control over it, you have found the balance you seek…”

So you see it is about us. It comes from within. We have to be in control of our emotions and minds. No one else can decide how the day should be for us, but we ourselves. I am going to print those words and stick it up. I hope it’ll stick to my mind.

Where do I go from here? Forward, of course. And I hope he continues to be there to catch me every time I miss a step and trip. Thank you Boochi-Boo*. I know you know what I know. *wink*

* Endearment used by Angel to call Stitch.

23 Ramadhan

Tweety dengan rasminya ditamatkan perkhidmatan (pinjam ayat dari DNAS) pada hari Rabu bersamaan 21 Ramadhan. Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... Pilu sungguh bila nak meninggalkan dia di kedai jual kereta tuh. Huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... masih terasa sedih apabila mengingatkannya. Aku peluk dia kuat-kuat. Tak kira lah saper pun yang pandang atau gelakkan aku pada hari itu.

Ceritanya, Rabu pagi aku ada mesyuarat kat tengah-tengah kota KL yang sesak itu. Masa sedang berdiskusi tu dapat panggilan telefon dari tukang jual. Dia tanya bila aku nak datang amik alat pengangkutan baru. Aku dalam terkedu bagitahu dia yang aku akan datang semasa waktu makan tengahari.

Habis mesyuarat, aku pun heret lah kawan pejabat aku yang pergi ke mesyuarat tu bersama-sama dengan aku ke kedai. Nah. Comel sungguh alat pengangkuatan aku yang baru kelihatan diam menanti di dalam kedai. Aku tersenyum. Tapi hati dah bagai dirobek apabila mengingatkan Tweety yang akan kutinggalkan pada hari itu. Haih. Sedih wooooooooooo....

Dipendekkan cerita, alat pengangkutan baru itu aku periksa bersama-sama dengan kawan pejabat dan tukang jual. Aku suruh dia cabut semua plastik. Malu seh orang tau baru keluar kedai. Heh! Kunci bertukar tangan. Barang-barang dialih dari Tweety. Dan akhirnya aku peluk Tweety dengan sebelah kaki terangkat merangkul rangka tubuhnya (hahahaha... bunyi macam agak 18SX di sini...). Kalau kawan pejabat aku tidak berada bersama-sama dengan aku ketika itu, sudah pasti aku menangis teresak-esak. Dia cepat-cepat melaungkan nama aku kuat-kuat, menyuruh aku masuk ke pengangkutan yang baru. hahaha...

Capal Perak tak dapat datang sebab dia ada hal yang perlu dilakukan. Kalau tidak, aku pasti dia dah ambil gambar aku yang sungguh "melucukan" (mengikut ayat dia) itu. Silap-silap dia muat naik gambar itu ke Pengkawan pula nanti! Walaupun begitu, kalau dia ada, mesti agak-agak romantik gitu, sebab dia mesti nak pujuk aku kan? Muahahahhaha... Gatal betul Jade nih rupanya! hahahaha...

Bukan aper.. bak kata U N G U... "Aku ingin engkau slalu, hadir dan temani aku, di setiap langkah, yang meyakiniku.." muahaha... jiwang sket..

Berikut ialah gambar-gambar terakhir Tweety... Nak jadi cerita, aku kasi dia mandi pagi tuh... Huwaaaa....



Secara tak rasmi, inilah gambar alat pengangkutan baru aku...



And sebelum korang cakap aku nak berlagak, aku cakap kat sini, aku sangat bersyukur. ;-)

20 Ramadhan

Korang tahu aper kegilaan ketika ini? Aku bukan cakap aku gila lah... walaupun ada kemungkinan ada skrew kat kepala aku yang longgar...

Ni.. benda yang agak baru. Mungkin dah lama, tapi aku je yang baru join. Hah! BUKUMUKA. Korang dah masuk ke? Kalau belum, kasi tau sama aku kau punya email, nanti aku tambah masuk. Laman web ini sangat menarik. Lebih menarik dari laman web PENGKAWAN. Aku tak tipu. Aku semacam sudah ketagih. Tak habis-habis asyik cuba benda baru. Kalau bos aku lalu kat belakang, aku ajak la dia masuk sekali... Ha ha ha...

Jadi, apa cerita kau yang terbaru? Cerita aku yang paling baru... Hmm... Minggu lepas semua kerja kertas aku dah selesaikan. Duit pun dah bertukar tangan. Tanpa disedari hari raya ini aku pokai lagi. Ha ha ha... Tak aper lah, ek? Setahun sekali. Hahaha.. Minta maaf kalau korang tak faham. Ni seperti lawak peribadi yang hanya orang tertentu akan faham. Dan memandangkan ini adalah buku luahan hati atas talian aku, kalau korang tak faham pun tak apa. Sungguh kejam.

Apa-apa pun aku mengharapkan perubahan baik itu akan berlaku dalam minggu. Bila dah jadi nanti, aku bilang sama kau orang lah. Cuma aku berasa agak terkilan dengan tukang jual tuh. Haih. Macam itu la kan. Orang yang jual-jual barang ni, tak kira la barang tu kecik ke besar, dia punya inti serupa sahaja. Cakap sahaja lebih tapi bila sampai masa penghantaran, macam hampas kelapa. Kering kontang! Yang pasti kebarangkalian untuk aku syorkan tukang jual ni pada orang lain amatlah tipis.

Kadang-kadang, orang yang paling melukakan hati kau dan aku ialah orang yang rapat dengan kita. Betul tak? Semalam sewaktu aku bercerita dengan kawan aku yang aku dah kenal lebih dari setengah hidup aku, kawan baik lah bak kata budak sekolah, hati aku terguris lagi dek sebabkan kata-kata dan tingkah dia. Sampai bila mau tahan beb? Tapi nampaknya dinding pertahanan aku masih kukuh kerana aku berjaya menahan diri aku dari menyembur kawan aku ni. Aku angkat kaki jalan aje. Ha ha ha... Mungkin satu hari akan terkeluar juga, tapi buat masa ni aku berdoa supaya lambat lagi lah masa itu akan tiba...

Jadi, kalau semuanya berlaku seperti yang dirancangkan, minggu ini adalah minggu terakhir aku bersama-sama dengan Tweety. Dia dah banyak berjasa pada aku. Dah jauh dia pergi semata-mata nak tolong aku dan puaskan hati aku. Tapi bak kata orang, setiap yang baik itu pasti ada pengakhirannya. Di mana dengan berakhirnya era itu, ia menjadikan kita lebih matang. Cheeewaaahh!!

Apa lagi ek? Kurang dua minggu dah nak raya seh.. Korang dah beli baju raya? Aku sebenarnya malas nak pegi beli. Tapi hujung minggu yang baru lepas nih, mak sibuk ajak pegi Carrefour tengok baju. Aku pergi la, tapi tak ada satu pun yang buat aku terpikat. He he he.. Mak aku suka bunga besar-besar dan warna-warni. Anak perempuan dia ni suka yang bertentangan. Akhirnya, nak puaskan hati dia, aku beli la sepasang baju kurung. Tanah warna putih, bunga kecik-kecik warna biru. Kata label sutera cina, aku tak tau la kalau kene tipu kan? Pedulik lah...

Sekali tu, aku dapat tau, ada orang nak belikan baju raya untuk aku. Yahooo!!! Macam seronok je kan? He he he.. Tapi dia cakap memandangkan aku dah beli, tak payah la dia belikan lagi. Aku cepat-cepat cakap mak ada suruh cari lagi sepasang. Ha ha ha... Tu, tak tau la bila nak pegi kan...

Lewat minggu ni Cik Pah akan turun ke KL lagi. Kali ni nak beli kain yang kitorang tengok hari tuh. Harap-harap masih ada. Tapi kalau tak ada, bakal suami dia dah cadangkan warna biru macam Honda CRV. Hah! Biru macam mana tu? Masa Cik Pah bagitau, aku gelak tak berhenti. Aku tak rasa warna tu sesuai buat baju kot... Apa-apa pun kita tengok ajer lah hasilnya nanti hujung minggu ni.. He he he..

Selamat berpuasa untuk hari-hari yang terakhir ini. Sedih pulak sebab hari sepuluh terakhir ini kapal berlabuh. Apasal la dia pilih sekarang kan? Tak pa. Apa-apa pun, aku rasa lagi seronok puasa tahun ni dari tahun lepas. Sekurang-kurangnya itu satu pencapaian kan?

14 Ramadhan

Kalau kita perhatikan betul-betul, setiap tahun harga buffet di hotel-hotel makin meningkat. Aku peliklah.

Bila subsidi petrol dikurangkan, harga minyak naik, bertimbun-timbun orang menjerit-jerit tidak puas hati. Tapi bila harga buffet naik semasa bulan Ramadhan, tidak ada pula suara-suara yang sumbang itu? Semakin ramai yang pergi berbuka di hotel adalah. Tidakkah kau rasa satu kepelikan di situ?

Mungkin ada yang mengatakan, "Ahh... petrol dituang hari-hari. Berbuka puasa hanya di bulan puasa. Apa salahnya berbelanja..." Pasti ada yang berpendapat demikian. Aku perhatikan, petrol adalah satu keperluan, tetapi berbuka di hotel hanyalah satu kehendak. Cuba bayangkan, dari berbelanja RM100 untuk berbuka di restoran lima bintang, kita boleh makan macam-macam kalau hanya ke pasar Ramadhan. Sudahlah begitu, boleh menjamu keluarga dan sahabat lagi!

Kadang-kadang kita sebagai manusia memang alpa. Bukan aku hendak menunjuk pandai, tetapi ia membuatkan kita berfikir, bukan?

Aku sendiri, di tahun-tahun yang lampau, acapkali berbuka di hotel. Wah... terasa begitu gah sekali kerana dapat makan di tempat yang posh dan menjamu makanan yang bertaraf tinggi. Sedap! Sekurang-kurangnya dalam seminggu, pasti sekali dua berbelanja puluhan ringgit untuk berbuka. Mewah sungguh!

Tapi mungkin sebab usia menjadikan kita lebih matang. Agaknyalah... Kini, aku lebih selesa berbuka di rumah. Hampir setiap hari aku memasak! Sungguh memeranjatkan! Aku sendiri terperanjat dengan perubahan ini. Ha ha ha... Dah tua lah tu, namanya, eh? Semalam, padprik daging, hari sebelumnya black pepper udon. Boleh tahanlah, eh? Hari ini, mungkin menu nasi goreng. Lebihan nasi semalam sayang dibuang begitu sahaja.

Pun begitu, esok aku ada jemputan ke majlis berbuka puasa bersama rakan-rakan sewaktu di universiti. Berbelanja besarlah aku esok untuk berbuka. Harap-harap juadahnya tidak mengecewakanlah...

Okaylah, sudah panjang aku membebel. Cakap banyak nanti pasti ada yang tersilap. Lebih-lebih lagi di bulan yang mulia ini.

Apa menu petang ini?

13 Ramadhan

Sudah hampir dua minggu kita berpuasa...

Badan terasa semakin ringan, perut semakin kempis. Yeay! Itu adalah kebaikan sampingan bila kita berpuasa, bukan?

Hmm... tapi ada juga yang tidak dapat merasakan perubahan ini. Mana tidaknya? Hampir setiap hari berbuka secara buffet, kalau tidak di hotel-hotel lima bintang di restoran-restoran. Tidak salah untuk pergi berbuka di luar kerana mungkin inilah peluang untuk makan makanan yang pelbagai dan sedap di samping dapat berjumpa rakan-rakan yang sudah lama tidak ditemui. Tapi... janganlah berlebihan.

Bila kita berpuasa, kita mendidik perut kita untuk menerima makanan yang sedikit dan boleh menahan ketiadaan makanan untuk jangka waktu yang lama. Tetapi, sekiranya tiap kali berbuka kita makan dengan berlebihan, tubuh kita tidak akan dapat belajar. Malah, penat makin bertambah kerana kini sistem badan terpaksa bekerja keras untuk mencernakan makananan setelah dua belas jam berehat.

Setakat ini, aku berbuka secara buffet sekali sahaja. Minggu lepas sewaktu di Pulau Pinang, kerana menjamu rakan niaga dan pelanggan pejabat. Itu pun, aku tidak boleh makan banyak-banyak! Terasa membazir sungguh apabila melihat lebihan makanan yang kemudiannya di buang oleh pihak hotel.

Minggu ini ada jemputan untuk berbuka bersama-sama rakan-rakan lama. Memang aku hanya jumpa mereka ketika bulan puasa. Ketika inilah masing-masing sibuk bertukar-tukar cerita, tunjuk anak baru, tayang pasangan baru. :-p Apa pun, aku berasa seronok untuk berjumpa mereka, cuma aku tidak dapat membawa Capal Perak kerana dia bekerja. Tidak mengapalah, kan? Lain kali sahaja.

Baru-baru ini, negara kita dikejutkan dengan berita sedih kehilangan seorang kanak-kanak berumur lapan tahun, yang kemudiannya ditemui meninggal dunia secara kejam. Masyarakat asyik berbincang tentang samada ibubapanya perlu dipersalahkan, disamping mencerca pedofil yang bertanggunjawab.

Aku cuba untuk bersikap objektif, tetapi tidak terelak berasa kesal dengan sikap ibubapa yang mungkin memandang agak ringan anak-anak yang keluar masuk rumah. Aku tidak punyai anak, tetapi aku tidak dapat memahami ibubapa yang membiarkan anak-anak kecil berkeliaran sesuka hati. Maaf, ini pandangan peribadiku yang mungkin mendorong perasaan tidak puas hati di kalangan kalian.

Seingat aku, sewaktu berumur lapan tahun, aku tidak pernah dibiarkan keluar rumah begitu sahaja. Pergi ke sekolah dan pulang ke rumah menaiki bas sekolah. Pergi mengaji bersama-sama kawan. Mungkin ada ketika di mana aku terpaksa pergi bersendirian kerana terlambat. Aku mungkin singgah di kedai runcit dalam perjalanan pulang untuk membeli gula-gula. Tetapi kemudian terus pulang ke rumah. Apabila hendak pergi bermain di padang permainan, emak akan diberitahu and pantas sahaja dia akan menyuruhku pulang sebelum pukul 6.30 petang. Jika tidak, kelibat emak sudah dapat aku lihat di tepi padang bercekak pinggang.

Pengalaman sewaktu kecil ketika hendak pergi ke pusat membeli-belah. Sebelum keluar rumah, abah sudah menyuruh kami duduk di kerusi panjang di ruang tamu. Pesanannya mudah, kita keluar hanya untuk berjalan-jalan, kita tidak akan membeli apa-apa dan abah mahu kamu semua ada dekat dengan abah dan emak. Seingat aku, abah dan emak akan berada tidak jauh dari kami. Dan kami adik beradik akan sentiasa memastikan kami berjalan bersama-sama mereka.

Realiti zaman millenium sangat berlainan. Anak-anak dibiarkan berlari-lari dan berkeliaran bersendirian. Terjerit-jerit terpekik terlolong. Ibu dan ayah mereka sibuk mengacu baju kepada adik dan terlupa sebentar pada kakak atau abang. Fikirkan, berapa kali kita bisa melihat kanak-kanak yang berjalan tanpa pengawasan ibu bapa? Kebebasan untuk anak-anak kecil ada batasnya. Paling kurang, suruhlah anak itu jalan berdekatan.

Mungkin ada yang mengatakan aku membebel tanpa mengetahui apa-apa. Dan aku akan katakan, terpulanglah kau mahu berkata apa. Mendisiplinkan anak dewasa ini tiada bezanya dengan zaman dulu. Zaman sewaktu kau dan aku membesar. Semuanya terpulang pada ibu bapa. Ada orang yang mengatakan emak dan abah agak tegas mendidik kami adik beradik, tetapi aku bersyukur. Dan aku mengerti.

Buat ibu dan bapa di luar sana, jagalah amanah anda. Sekiranya anak itu perlu dirotan tapak tangannya kerana bersalah, rotankanlah. Kasihankan anak perlu berpada-pada. Sedikit ajaran tidak mungkin membuat dia membenci kita, bukan? Biarlah dia sakit kerana cubitan kita dari dia sakit akibat perbuatan keji manusia durjana.

Buat Nurin, aku doakan dirimu sejahtera bersamaNya. InsyaAllah keadilan itu pasti dan insan kejam yang memperlakukan dikau sebegitu akan dihukum. Berbahagialah kau di sana.

Dan sekiranya ibubapa yang lalai perlu dihukum, hukumlah mereka dengan belas kasihan. Kerana ada ketika, kita telah cuba sedaya upaya, namun ketentuan tetap berbeza. Mereka telah kehilangan permata hati, usahlah diburukkan lagi keadaan. Apa yang perlu, carilah si kejam yang durjana itu!

5 Ramadhan

Hari ini hari ke lima Muslim seluruh dunia berpuasa. Mungkin ada yang baru hendak bersahur. Mungkin juga ada yang sudah hampir berbuka.

Pepatah Inggeris ada mengatakan "you win some, you lose some". Maka keadaan yang aku alami ketika ini boleh disamakan sedemikian rupa. Realiti yang aku tunggu untuk berlaku di bulan September ini semakin menampakkan bibit-bibit positif. Walaupun begitu, ada sedikit pengorbanan yang perlu aku lakukan untuk menjadikan impian ini satu kenyataan. Kata orang, kesusahan untuk merealisasikan sesuatu akan menyebabkan kita lebih menghargainya apabila ia terjadi. Sungguhpun begitu aku bersyukur. Setiap satu yang Dia tentukan untukku, sentiasa ada hikmah di sebaliknya.

Minggu lalu, 2 Ramadhan, aku mendapat satu panggilan telefon yang tidak kujangkakan. Walaupun ia baru satu permulaan, tetapi kemungkinan satu lagi impian akan tercapai menyebabkan aku berasa begitu bertuah dan dirahmati. Sesungguhnya Dia lebih mengetahui waktu dan cara yang terbaik untuk setiap sesuatu buat hambaNya. Pun begitu, kerana ini baru di tingkat awalan, biarlah ia kusimpan dahulu. Sekiranya ia telah membesar dan menampakkan hasil, sudah pasti akan kukongsi bersama-sama rakan sekalian.

Hari ini 5 Ramadhan, apa yang hebat berlaku untukmu?

Sesungguhnya ada orang mengatakan perkara-perkara manis yang mungkin berlaku di dalam bulan yang mulia ini. Jauh di sudut hatiku, aku berdoa agar pemberianNya kali ini benar-benar hak diri yang serba kekurangan ini. Acap kali apabila aku memiliki sesuatu, sudah pasti akan terjadi sesuatu yang kurang enak. Dan akhirnya aku akan menangis, bilakala aku memilikinya aku sungguh gembira. Di saat ini, di ambang untuk memiliki sesuatu, aku masih merasa sangsi, tiada tawa atau senyum yang benar-benar dari hati. Kerana kini aku pasrah ketentuan Ilahi. Sesungguhnya Dia lah yang memberi, dan Dia lah yang mengambil bila saja Dia mengkehendaki.

5 Ramadhan belum berakhir lagi. Dan mungkin banyak lagi yang indah yang masih menanti. Ameen.

3 Ramadhan

Pagi 3 Ramadhan yang nyaman, membuatkan aku terlepas sahur! Lantas aku berdoa supaya aku berjaya menempuh hari itu dengan tabah. Eh, kita tak akan tahu, bukan? Kita mungkin tewas? ;-)

Cik Pah telah memberitahuku sejak hari Khamis lagi yang dia dan temannya akan turun ke KL pada hari Sabtu. Temannya akan menghadiri satu mesyuarat perniagaan di ibukota, dan Cik Pah ingin bermalam di rumahku. Aku segera memberitahunya tentang rancanganku pada hari Sabtu. Aku telah merancang untuk mengajak Si Capal Perak untuk berbuka bersama. Aku ingin menyediakan juadah berbuka kerana aku tahu dia sudah lama merindui masakan di rumah. Cik Pah menyatakan persetujuan kerana dia juga tidak sanggup untuk menempuh orang ramai sekiranya makan di luar.

Pagi semalam, aku menerima pesanan ringkas dari Cik Pah yang mengatakan dia akan tiba lewat di KL. Perancangan awal, mereka akan bertolak selepas sahur. Tetapi kerana ada beberapa tugas yang perlu diselesaikan, mereka akan bertolak hanya pada tengahari. Dan aku menjangkakan Cik Pah akan tiba dalam pukul 4 petang.

Pukul 2.30. Si Capal Perak tiba untuk membawaku ke kedai untuk membeli barang-barang masakan. Dia sudah terliur apabila aku memberitahunya menu pada hari itu. Ikan siakap masam manis, toufu telur dalam sos tiram dan asparagus goreng pedas. Kami ke Bangsar Grocer kerana aku suka kesegaran bahan basah di situ. Si Capal Perak dengan ragu-ragu bertanya padaku kemungkinan kesegaran sehingga petang itu adalah sesuatu yang tidak baik, tapi aku yakin, sekiranya bahan kimia diletakkan, mata sang ikan pasti masih bertukar merah.

Dalam perjalanan pulang ke rumah, aku mendapat satu pesanan ringkas dari Cik Pah mengatakan dia akan tiba dalam 15 minit. Sampai sahaja dia rumah, aku segera ke dapur mengeluarkan barang-barang yang sudah dibeli dan ketika itu barulah aku sedari yang aku terlupa membeli serbuk kunyit. Si Capal Perak menawarkan diri untuk ke kedai membelinya, tetapi aku katakan tidak perlu. Ketika itu, pintu rumah diketuk, dan Cik Pah telah tiba!

Aku gorengkan ikan siakap dengan hanya melumurkan garam, dan biar kukatakan di sini, rasanya lebih enak berbanding melumurkannya bersama dengan kunyit! Supaya tidak terlupa, segara aku masakkan nasi.

Pukul 7, Si Capal Perak dan Cik Pah tidak sabar-sabar untuk makan. Pernah, ketika aku sedang menyediakan kuah masam manis untuk sang siakap, mereka berdua bergegas ke dapur kerana teruja dengan bau yang menyelubungi ruang rumah!

Kesimpulannya, ikan siakap masam manis dan toufu telur dalam sos tiram adalah hidangan panas pada hari itu. Asparagus berlada... rasanya tidak sesedap yang aku mahukan. Mungkin kerana asparagusnya sudah agak tua, maka manisnya sudah berkurangan.

Apa-apa pun, kedua-dua tetamuku tidur dengan kenyang malam semalam. Dan kau hanya akan faham perasaan menyediakan makanan untuk orang lain, jika kau ke dapur dan mula memasak. Kau tahu, melihat muka-muka meraka yang makan dengan penuh ekstasi, kau akan merasakan satu kepuasan yang tidak dapat dibayangkan.

3 Ramadhan pun berlalu.

p/s: maaf, tidak ada gambar yang dapat dipaparkan. Dalam keghairahan tukang masak menghidang dan keseronokan tetamu makan, tiada siapa yang teringat akan kamera! Oh!! Aku masih ada lebihan sos masam manis yang aku masukkan ke dalam peti sejuk. Mungkin aku akan sediakan juadah lain menggunakannya...

1 Ramadhan

1 Ramadhan. Penggera jamku berbunyi tepat pada pukul 5:15 pagi. Lantas aku hulurkan tanganku ke meja sisi dan melihat nota yang terpapar. "Sahur!", katanya. Dan aku teringat, ahhh... ini hari yang kutunggu.

Mataku segera terbuka luas dan selimut tebal kuselak. Aku bergegas ke dapur untuk memasak air. Sedari semalam aku telah merancang untuk bersahur hanya dengan roti. Dewasa ini aku tidak berselera untuk makan yang berat-berat apabila bangun sahur.

Ahh.. aku terlupa. Kurma basah kegemaranku tidak kubeli dari awal. Dan kerana aku telah bercadang untuk pulang ke rumah mak dan abah untuk berbuka, kutangguhkan niat untuk membeli kurma.

Masak sahaja air di dalam cerek, aku dengan segera membuat kopi. Roti telah kusapukan mentega dan mentega kacang kegemaranku. Bersama-sama dengan segelas air kosong, aku beredar ke depan televisyen. Walaupun rumahku mempunyai meja makan, jarang sekali aku makan di situ. Lebih seronok makan sambil menonton tv. Aku segera menukar-nukar siaran dan berhenti apabila melihat filem "Bewitched" dimainkan.

Sekali toleh ke jam di dinding, dengan segera aku menghabiskan air yang masih bersisa di dalam gelas. Perutku terasa penuh. Filem berakhir tidak lama selepas itu. 1 Ramadhan telah bermula. Dan aku tersenyum.

Lewat pagi itu semasa bersiap untuk ke pejabat, aku berjanji untuk menjaga emosiku. Aku tiba di pejabat dengan senyuman di bibir. Tetapi dugaan tetap terjadi.

Menjelang tengahari aku tewas! Hah! Sungguh mengecewakan. Walaupun rakan sepejabat itu yang bersalah, aku seharusnya menahan diri. Kenapa hingga aku boleh terlupa prinsip diri? Selalunya, selepas menerima email yang boleh menimbulkan kemarahan, aku akan menahan diri dari memberi reaksi. Aku akan menghela nafas panjang, dalam-dalam. Beberapa kali. Tetapi tidak kali ini.

Aku berasa kesal. Dan kerana itu aku memilih untuk berdiam diri sehinggalah tiba waktu untuk aku meninggalkan pejabat. Aku keluar lebih awal untuk sampai ke rumah mak dan abah. Walaupun sudah begitu awal, aku masih mengambil masa lebih satu jam untuk sampai! Tetapi senyuman di bibir emak mengubat semua kepenatan.

Sekali intai di dapur, kulihat mak telah menyediakan lauk yang menyelerakan. Tiada yang istimewa. Hanya yang sedap dan mengundang aku untuk menunggu waktu berbuka dengan harapan supaya masa cepat berlalu.

Bila tiba waktu berbuka, kedengaran azan berkemundang sayup-sayup di kejauhan. Kami segera menjamah rutab dan meneguk air. Lega.

1 Ramadhan telah berlalu.