In Deep Thought

I never get the things that I want when I want them. I wished to be married at the age of 27, but I only do it at 31. I wanted to have a man by my side who understands me and accepts me for who I am when I was in a terrible relationship at 24, but only found him five years later (eventually marrying him!). I have been looking for a mentor for my professional growth the past 8 years of working (out of 10), still have not found the person. I have switched jobs six times in ten years, and yet to settle comfortably in one that feeds my intellectual and professional needs.

So, it's suffice to say, I don't get things easily.

My parents, although they love me, they never really understand why am I so different from them. Why I have this passionate needs and one track mind when it comes to living my life the way I wanted. I believe that I truly make them happy whenever I got good results in school and when I finally gotten engaged AND married. And most recently, when I have a bun in the oven. They never really understand their daughter but few years back, they have, I believe, finally accepted that I'm different.

I value my independence. I value my thoughts. The only time I let myself be cuckolded and oppressed was about ten years ago in that terrible relationship. After that, I honestly stop taking crap from people, be it from personal life or professional life. And maybe because of that, I never really get close to people as I did before. Learnt my lesson, and all I wanted to do was to take care of myself.

Having said that, I was and still am fortunate to meet pure souls in the form of friends. And these people I intend to keep close. Taking craps from them once in a while, is acceptable to me, for I'm sure I do the same to them now and then. But because these are, we are, truly friends, we correct each other, we support each other no matter what. It's like being siblings.

Funny thing about true friends, even if we're out of contact for some time, just because present life gets the most of us, we continue to pick up things from where we left of easily. I have three good friends, that have been with me since we were thirteen years old. That's almost twenty years of friendship. Each of us have our own lives and other circle of friends that we keep, but when we get back together, it's just like old times.

As we grow up, grew apart, grow back closer, we meet new people some of which become our close friends in a different circle. Because once you're growing up apart from each other, you start new interest and you become different. But you retain some resemblance in ways that no one else can explain because that's the way it is. Because deep down, we're still sisters.

New close friends become support beams around the base that you already have. I don't know if you're lucky enough to have circles of beams that keep on growing, and supporting. But interestingly enough what some close friends lacking, others will fill it. So, essentially there are no empty spaces. And that is the miracle of having friends. The magic of friendship.

No, I may not get the things that I want the way I want them, when I want them. But God has given me, and continue giving me these support beams that make me who I am today. I also belief I am a support beam to lots of friends out there, in different forms, different circles. Because life, as much as you want to live it your own way, is symbiotic.

When I see all my friends in one place together, I can smile from my heart. Because I can tell myself, if not the world, these are my beams. And somehow, I feel complete. 

Simple Fried Rice

Surprisingly, a simple throw-in-the-wok action can give great results that end with clear serving dishes and plates.


Yesterday, we made a day visit to my parents place, just in time to prepare lunch. Mak already planned to have fried chicken, serve with the black beef Sarawak style. She had rice left over from the night before that I turned into simple fried rice. One that I eventually called; Nasi Goreng Planta (Planta Fried Rice).


Ingredients? Simple really, just some garlic, number is according to your preference. I like my garlic, so LOTS. Throw crushed garlic into hot oil in the pan... let it brown a little... Then, pour in the rice. Stir. Dashes of salt. And a spoonful of margerine, I used PLANTA soft. Stir, stir, stir. 


Serve with ayam goreng, it's yummeh bebeh!!

New Terms that I Learn

With this new experience of having a life growing inside me, comes new information and knowledge that I gladly learn. Not only they come from the books that I read or the websites that I visit, they from from my personal experiences which had me scavenging the internet for more information. But my readily source of information when it comes to pregnancy is Momster.

Like I mentioned before, Momster is expecting her second child after five years. The gap is not by choice, but because of her own unique life experiences. As each and everyone of us will go through different adventures with reasons that varies. Some people because it’s their own choice or decision, others because it’s fate and just how it’s deemed to be by the Almighty.

So, coming back to the topic at hand, it’s from Momster that I learnt new terms with regards to pregnancy. I hope by sharing this information here, other people will benefit from them too! So, here are two terms that the conditions I have experienced first-hand now at 21 weeks:

• Braxton Hicks Contraction
• Round Ligament Pain

Braxton Hicks Contraction is a painless contraction not to be confused with actual labour contraction. In fact, contractions on the area happens all the time but it is more noticeable during pregnancy because of the pressure that is continuously building as the pregnancy progress. Read more on this condition HERE. (source: About.com)

Round Ligament Pain happens usually when you change position suddenly. Like last night, when I attempted to roll over, while lying on the bed, I felt a sharp jab like cramping on the lower abs area. Stroking the area gently back and forth eased the sensation slowly. Read more on this condition HERE. (source: Babycenter.com)

I know as the weeks pass, more new experience will come to surface. They are just to be expected. As it was when I was getting ready to get married, a lot of well meaning friends and relatives give their opinions and advices on pregnancy and giving birth. Appreciating them as I do, for these people had went through the adventure, I have to listen to them ALWAYS with a pinch of salt. I do find solace in few people including Mak (my mom) because these few people sound more encouraging and positive. And I am so thankful that I have these people in my life.

I am also thankful for having such understanding and supportive husband. As we are learning to live and grow together, now we are adjusting to the new addition. An uncle once told The Hubby, “These are the times for husbands to be extra patient” and how true that statement come to be. And I can only solemnly hope and pray that The Hubby’s resilience and support remains constant as the D-day comes closer.

I am getting rounder…

It has been… more than two weeks since my last update. Much has happened. I supposed it is not yet too late to wish all Muslims Eid Mubarak. And after all the food and more to come in the next two weeks because of the open houses every where, just make sure you compensate by exercising or taking less food while you’re on normal days.

I am into my 20 weeks of pregnancy now. And I frequently feel the Baby moving these days. And it amazes me every time. As with the visits to the O&G. Wednesday was my 20 weeks visit, and we were hoping to know the gender. However, the Baby was in prostrating form, and it was not possible to determine whether it is a “she” or a “he”. Well, we are not really concern about the gender, as long as the Baby is healthy and cukup sifat as our mothers would say. So, we shall wait for another four weeks to find out!

It is true when people say second trimester is the best time during pregnancy. Well, so far I’m comparing with the first trimester, and it’s true enough. No more frequent nausea feeling, Alhamdulillah. Although there were times when I feel the gagging motion because of intense smell around.

As for food, I’m eating everything. No exception. I lost 1 kg during the puasa month when we went for the 4th month check-up. However, yesterday, I gained 2.5kg! Initially the doctor looked worried, but after measuring the Baby, the weight gain corresponds with its size. If lucky star is on my side, the due date is going to be correct.

Hari Raya as a married lady is different. It was a very emotional one for me. Although my in-laws came down to KL to celebrate Eid here, I spent little time with my own parents and siblings. I missed another family gathering in Malacca, that’s the second time now. And when we did go back to Malacca, it felt more like a holiday visit then Eid, because every one has gone back. :-)

No, I am not complaining. I’m just stating that it’s different. And it is something that everyone has to go through once they are hitched! I’m sure the husbands feel the same when we spend time at our parents’ home.

One thing that I could not do this year during Eid… wear an awesome KEBAYA! So, this will be my objective next year!

I have been bombarded with a couple of questions lately. One; when is the open house, and two; when is the baby shower. For the former, just come over when you are in the area, let me know in advance so that I can prepare something. For the latter, isn’t it still too early?

Okay, for now, I shall pen (type) off. Take care everyone!

quel est l'amour

What is LOVE?

I just finished re-reading The Zahir by Paulo Coelho. It’s about a successful writer whose wife left him without a “goodbye” simply because the husband was no longer interested in his wife’s day-to-day recaps even though they love each other very much. The husband was no longer listening to what the wife is saying and they didn’t talk about nothing and everything like they used to. The book tells the story of the writer’s journey rediscovering himself en route to finding his wife again.

LOVE according to this book is an energy which is flowing freely. It should not, could not be controlled. Once we start moulding LOVE into our own definition, it loses its intensity, its meaning, its being.

Have you ever noticed how all the movies that we watch, possibly all the movies ever made are about LOVE? It’s defined in so many ways, which resulted in so many things, situation.

How often do we take chances? How often do we wish we could dance in the rain, but that’s all there is, a wish, never a reality? How often do we think about the Godiva in the fridge but refuse to touch it simply because we had our share of Neapolitan just that afternoon? How often do we hold ourselves back from telling our spouses or partners something that we know might make them upset or uncomfortable? How often do we decide to take one step back or remain immobile instead of taking one step forward?

So many questions, but do we dare answer them and react differently the next time?

Thus, what is LOVE?

Some people avoid LOVE like a plague whether intentionally or subconsciously without realising it, because of past experiences. Some people get it lucky the first time and have a fairy tale life. Some people jump right back at LOVE after LOVE left. And all these does not necessarily about romantic relationship. It could be with your parents, siblings, friends or colleagues. It’s LOVE, and it’s unrestricted.

What is LOVE?

If you believe in GOD, and you believe in destiny, trust me, there is one person destined to be with you. You might not get 100% what you want in that person, but GOD sends you someone you need, not someone you want. So, believe that He knows what’s best.

But then again, don’t take my word for it. Maybe you’d like to give your own definition, according to your epiphany.